Was venting, and SIL called me on it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't delete it - leave it out there hanging for all to see. Don't respond to it either - it's too fraught.

There will be plenty of others who agree with her so its not likely everyone will view it negatively.

But then again why did op even make that a post on FB? It's just dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a jersey. She obviously doesn't like you. She thinks you don't need to work and only work for luxuries.

Well, she'd be right. It's not really a secret that my job is only tolerable but I stick with it because of the business travel (to cool) places, and therefore miles and hotel points I earn and use on vacations. But still. I don't complain about any of that, by the way.

Our relationship has been pretty non-existent, that's why I was so surprised by it!

Wait.. if you're not complaining about it, how is it not a secret? I can't imagine how you'd share this without it sounding like a complaint.

(I still think what she did was a dick move, but if you ARE complaining about it, it changes the tone a bit.)

A few of his family members have asked me why I stay at a relatively low paying job that has no possibility of promotion. I answered honestly.

I don't know. If I had a job like yours, but was able to take my kids around the country/world for very cheap, I would consider that a huge benefit and a perk. Traveling can be very enriching. Her comment was immature and unnecessary any way you look at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a jersey. She obviously doesn't like you. She thinks you don't need to work and only work for luxuries.

Well, she'd be right. It's not really a secret that my job is only tolerable but I stick with it because of the business travel (to cool) places, and therefore miles and hotel points I earn and use on vacations. But still. I don't complain about any of that, by the way.

Our relationship has been pretty non-existent, that's why I was so surprised by it!

Wait.. if you're not complaining about it, how is it not a secret? I can't imagine how you'd share this without it sounding like a complaint.

(I still think what she did was a dick move, but if you ARE complaining about it, it changes the tone a bit.)

A few of his family members have asked me why I stay at a relatively low paying job that has no possibility of promotion. I answered honestly.

I don't know. If I had a job like yours, but was able to take my kids around the country/world for very cheap, I would consider that a huge benefit and a perk. Traveling can be very enriching. Her comment was immature and unnecessary any way you look at it.

It's definitely a huge benefit, and why I put up with a ton of shit I wouldn't otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would delete her comment and also block her from your FB page (but don't unfriend).

Blocking someone does unfriend them, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would delete her comment and also block her from your FB page (but don't unfriend).

Blocking someone does unfriend them, though.

I think she means hide all the posts, not blocking.

[Anonymous]

I would be livid. Not only does she seem to believe that laundry is inherently your job, but she thinks that your job couldn't possibly provide anything superior to staying home to do laundry. That said, it sounds like you verbally undercut yourself & your career when you characterize it the way you do. It provides a lot more to you than hotel points, I'm sure! It's a privilege to have a job that pays you and allows some semblance of balance between career and family.

OTOH if your job is actually creating a big burden on you and the family because you have to travel constantly, and you don't even have any extra money to hire cleaners ... then yeah, I might wonder and feel critical if you were my SIL. The same way I would for a DH who did that. But my solution would not be "stay home and do laundry." It would be "get a better job"!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a jersey. She obviously doesn't like you. She thinks you don't need to work and only work for luxuries.

Well, she'd be right. It's not really a secret that my job is only tolerable but I stick with it because of the business travel (to cool) places, and therefore miles and hotel points I earn and use on vacations. But still. I don't complain about any of that, by the way.

Our relationship has been pretty non-existent, that's why I was so surprised by it!

Wait.. if you're not complaining about it, how is it not a secret? I can't imagine how you'd share this without it sounding like a complaint.

(I still think what she did was a dick move, but if you ARE complaining about it, it changes the tone a bit.)

A few of his family members have asked me why I stay at a relatively low paying job that has no possibility of promotion. I answered honestly.

I would reply with the truth but in good spirit "Ouch! yes, I do love my travel too much." Try not to worry about what she thinks/says otherwise. If it truly bug you, then block her as the previous poster recommended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid. Not only does she seem to believe that laundry is inherently your job, but she thinks that your job couldn't possibly provide anything superior to staying home to do laundry. That said, it sounds like you verbally undercut yourself & your career when you characterize it the way you do. It provides a lot more to you than hotel points, I'm sure! It's a privilege to have a job that pays you and allows some semblance of balance between career and family.

Oh, it does! But the travel is why I still with this particular job and don't find something better. Working keeps me sane - I am not SAHM material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just leave it there hanging. If you don't dignify it with a response of any kind it makes her look even worse.
As for the vent, DH can do his own and the kids will grow up and do their own and you will still get to go on nice vacations! I'll take vacation over laundry anytime.

+1000

Agree on all accounts. Don't engage with your SIL at all on this. You come across as the mature one by not engaging. And as a plus, it will bug her that you didn't respond.

And definitely make others share the laundry duties. Don't be a laundry martyr. If you fear DH will ruin certain articles of clothing separate them out for you to do yourself - after you've asked him to pay more attention to the labels and then giving him a chance to prove that he can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just leave it there hanging. If you don't dignify it with a response of any kind it makes her look even worse.
As for the vent, DH can do his own and the kids will grow up and do their own and you will still get to go on nice vacations! I'll take vacation over laundry anytime.

+1000

Agree on all accounts. Don't engage with your SIL at all on this. You come across as the mature one by not engaging. And as a plus, it will bug her that you didn't respond.

And definitely make others share the laundry duties. Don't be a laundry martyr. If you fear DH will ruin certain articles of clothing separate them out for you to do yourself - after you've asked him to pay more attention to the labels and then giving him a chance to prove that he can do it.

DH helps. There is just so much.

[Anonymous]

Agree with let it hang out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a jersey. She obviously doesn't like you. She thinks you don't need to work and only work for luxuries.

Well, she'd be right. It's not really a secret that my job is only tolerable but I stick with it because of the business travel (to cool) places, and therefore miles and hotel points I earn and use on vacations. But still. I don't complain about any of that, by the way.

Our relationship has been pretty non-existent, that's why I was so surprised by it!

I'm not sure I believe this. You say you don't complain about the "barely tolerable" job, but my guess is you have mentioned, more than once, that you keep the job solely for the travel perks. That's bragging, not complaining, but equally annoying. It would be especially annoying to someone who does need to work to keep the family afloat, or to someone who stays home at significant cost to her family's lifestyle. So, when you then complain about not having time for everything ... she snapped and said something impolitic.

It was rude, but I can understand how someone who is maybe not as financially secure as her brother might take it the wrong way. She could also have said, "why not pay for wash-and-fold with some of that unnecessary income," which is my suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a jersey. She obviously doesn't like you. She thinks you don't need to work and only work for luxuries.

Well, she'd be right. It's not really a secret that my job is only tolerable but I stick with it because of the business travel (to cool) places, and therefore miles and hotel points I earn and use on vacations. But still. I don't complain about any of that, by the way.

Our relationship has been pretty non-existent, that's why I was so surprised by it!

I'm not sure I believe this. You say you don't complain about the "barely tolerable" job, but my guess is you have mentioned, more than once, that you keep the job solely for the travel perks. That's bragging, not complaining, but equally annoying. It would be especially annoying to someone who does need to work to keep the family afloat, or to someone who stays home at significant cost to her family's lifestyle. So, when you then complain about not having time for everything ... she snapped and said something impolitic.

It was rude, but I can understand how someone who is maybe not as financially secure as her brother might take it the wrong way. She could also have said, "why not pay for wash-and-fold with some of that unnecessary income," which is my suggestion.

I've actually only met her three times, and have never mentioned my job to her, nor have I bragged.. It seems like you're projecting a bit.

And she doesn't work because she doesn't have the education or skills - yes, at significant cost to her family's lifestyle - they are on public assistance. She's the last person I'd brag to if I were even the bragging sort.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say a word and I would ensure that I extra obnoxiously posted beautiful pictures of my kids on these vacations. And there would be captions like the following:

"Can't believe my job sent me to Paris! Lucky kids got to tag along and have been non stop asking to try McDonalds in Paris! Can you imagine? Kids! What a hoot! #soblessed"

The picture would be my kids mugging for the camera at the railing of the Eiffel Tower with Paris in the background. And there would be *a lot* pictures and captions. I would also consider tagging her and asking if we should bring a mini Eiffel Tower home for the cousins (if there are any).

And, yes. Pretty much no one likes me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say a word and I would ensure that I extra obnoxiously posted beautiful pictures of my kids on these vacations. And there would be captions like the following:

"Can't believe my job sent me to Paris! Lucky kids got to tag along and have been non stop asking to try McDonalds in Paris! Can you imagine? Kids! What a hoot! #soblessed"

The picture would be my kids mugging for the camera at the railing of the Eiffel Tower with Paris in the background. And there would be *a lot* pictures and captions. I would also consider tagging her and asking if we should bring a mini Eiffel Tower home for the cousins (if there are any).

And, yes. Pretty much no one likes me.

This is so not me (and we don't go to places nearly as "exotic" as Paris), but funny.