Feel free, FIL!

[Anonymous]

out of curiousity, because I want to know how big an ass he is - was he bitching at MIL to make him some coffee, was he bitching about YOU not making coffee, or just bitching in general about not having coffee?

In any case, he's an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:out of curiousity, because I want to know how big an ass he is - was he bitching at MIL to make him some coffee, was he bitching about YOU not making coffee, or just bitching in general about not having coffee?

In any case, he's an ass.

OP here. He was bitching about me not making it.

I talked with DH. He is prepared to tell them if they expect to be hosted-hosted, they can wait a few months until DD2 is on a schedule and STTN! I have DCUM to thank, because I showed him your responses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

NP, but i'll chime in. It's very tough for people to change after a certain age, they are more inflexible. If there are small things like this that you can do, to help avoid conflict, you do them. Yes he is completely wrong, but believe me it's not worth the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

NP, but i'll chime in. It's very tough for people to change after a certain age, they are more inflexible. If there are small things like this that you can do, to help avoid conflict, you do them. Yes he is completely wrong, but believe me it's not worth the drama.

Creating environmental waste, spending money for no reason, and replacing a working machine with a new, different machine is not "a small thing." It is wasteful and stupid.

There is a huge difference between healthy, capable, 65-year-old "old" and elderly OLD. You cater to the elderly; not older adults. And even when you do cater to them, you don't have to buy new kitchen small appliances to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

NP, but i'll chime in. It's very tough for people to change after a certain age, they are more inflexible. If there are small things like this that you can do, to help avoid conflict, you do them. Yes he is completely wrong, but believe me it's not worth the drama.

Another card-carrying member of Doormats R Us

[Anonymous]

If coffee making is the ONLY issue, consider the following: Setup an extra filter with the correct amount in of coffee. When Grandpa needs more coffee, he or MIL should feel confident to measure the water. I call this the baby step method.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If coffee making is the ONLY issue, consider the following: Setup an extra filter with the correct amount in of coffee. When Grandpa needs more coffee, he or MIL should feel confident to measure the water. I call this the baby step method.

NO

This will only encourage them to continue expecting OP to set up everything for them. They can make their own coffee or drive to a Starbucks. Presumably they are adults and they aren't caring for a 6-week-old. Carefully preparing pre-measured coffee for them would be as far beyond the pale as brewing them each pot on demand.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people here are itching for a confrontation. Makes me wonder how THEIR relationships are.

OP - keep doing what you are doing and be patient.
I know it is hard to understand, but some older folks like this are like this because their mothers/spouses have enabled them to be like this. I am not excusing his behavior, but it’s a fact. No reason to damage your relationship with him because of his demands....unless you want to do that.... and I don’t think you do.

I liked a response given by a pp:

I would put a smile on my face and say that, "we're too close of a family for you to act like a guest in our home, you are welcome to anything in here. And with me wrangling kids you may be waiting for hours if you wait for me. Let me show you how to use the coffee machine in case you aren't familiar with this model."

This way, you are not damaging your relationship (in fact, you are respecting the relationship) and you are also not letting him rely on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If coffee making is the ONLY issue, consider the following: Setup an extra filter with the correct amount in of coffee. When Grandpa needs more coffee, he or MIL should feel confident to measure the water. I call this the baby step method.

NO

This will only encourage them to continue expecting OP to set up everything for them. They can make their own coffee or drive to a Starbucks. Presumably they are adults and they aren't caring for a 6-week-old. Carefully preparing pre-measured coffee for them would be as far beyond the pale as brewing them each pot on demand.

Exactly. The point isn't coffee. The point is a grown-ass man is that a frown-ass man should help--or, at least, help himself--in a family household with a baby, a toddler and a postpartum DIL. This isn't the Four Seasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

NP, but i'll chime in. It's very tough for people to change after a certain age, they are more inflexible. If there are small things like this that you can do, to help avoid conflict, you do them. Yes he is completely wrong, but believe me it's not worth the drama.

Another card-carrying member of Doormats R Us

Hardly a doormat. I used to be very outspoken and assertive. I have tweaked my approach a little, and find that I still get what I want without damaging the relationship. Clearly OP should not make extra cups of coffee or cater more to FIL. But you know, if getting a Keurig, or doing some other thing that does not require a lot of time of energy can make him feel more welcome, she should do it. There are bound to be be bigger things, where she will really need to draw hard lines, this just isn't one of them in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

NP, but i'll chime in. It's very tough for people to change after a certain age, they are more inflexible. If there are small things like this that you can do, to help avoid conflict, you do them. Yes he is completely wrong, but believe me it's not worth the drama.

Another card-carrying member of Doormats R Us

Hardly a doormat. I used to be very outspoken and assertive. I have tweaked my approach a little, and find that I still get what I want without damaging the relationship. Clearly OP should not make extra cups of coffee or cater more to FIL. But you know, if getting a Keurig, or doing some other thing that does not require a lot of time of energy can make him feel more welcome, she should do it. There are bound to be be bigger things, where she will really need to draw hard lines, this just isn't one of them in my opinion.

We could be friends. I, too, believe that you don’t go out of your way to damage a relationship. Sure, the other person may be “in the wrong,” but sometimes it is just better to be kind than to be right. It makes for a better world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

NP, but i'll chime in. It's very tough for people to change after a certain age, they are more inflexible. If there are small things like this that you can do, to help avoid conflict, you do them. Yes he is completely wrong, but believe me it's not worth the drama.

Another card-carrying member of Doormats R Us

Hardly a doormat. I used to be very outspoken and assertive. I have tweaked my approach a little, and find that I still get what I want without damaging the relationship. Clearly OP should not make extra cups of coffee or cater more to FIL. But you know, if getting a Keurig, or doing some other thing that does not require a lot of time of energy can make him feel more welcome, she should do it. There are bound to be be bigger things, where she will really need to draw hard lines, this just isn't one of them in my opinion.

We could be friends. I, too, believe that you don’t go out of your way to damage a relationship. Sure, the other person may be “in the wrong,” but sometimes it is just better to be kind than to be right. It makes for a better world.

Hope you and the PP don't have daughters that you are teaching to bend over and take from any and every man in their life. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

NP, but i'll chime in. It's very tough for people to change after a certain age, they are more inflexible. If there are small things like this that you can do, to help avoid conflict, you do them. Yes he is completely wrong, but believe me it's not worth the drama.

Another card-carrying member of Doormats R Us

Hardly a doormat. I used to be very outspoken and assertive. I have tweaked my approach a little, and find that I still get what I want without damaging the relationship. Clearly OP should not make extra cups of coffee or cater more to FIL. But you know, if getting a Keurig, or doing some other thing that does not require a lot of time of energy can make him feel more welcome, she should do it. There are bound to be be bigger things, where she will really need to draw hard lines, this just isn't one of them in my opinion.

We could be friends. I, too, believe that you don’t go out of your way to damage a relationship. Sure, the other person may be “in the wrong,” but sometimes it is just better to be kind than to be right. It makes for a better world.

Hope you and the PP don't have daughters that you are teaching to bend over and take from any and every man in their life. Pathetic.

Actually, I do have a daughter. She is quite independent and happy. She has good relationships with friends and her boyfriend. She also has a great relationship with her boyfriend’s family. It is actually my daughter who lives by the mantra that sometimes it is better to be kind than right. I am so proud of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Keurig.

Nope. Why would you create environmental waste, spend extra money, or use a piece of equipment you don't want/need to cater to a FIL who is acting like a spoiled brat?

WHY should OP go out of her way to further accommodate this obnoxious man?

Keurigs are so stupid.