Am I selfish to ask my ex wife to relocate so I can be close to my child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ And I saw him fairly regularly (every 6 - 8 weeks) and for longer periods during breaks. I resented him for messing with my schedule that much, especially as a teen.

There is NO substitute for day to day involvement. NONE.

ITA with this, but it's also worth pointing out that the OP does not see his child every day now. He sees her every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Get more time, get the daughter during the summers, long holidays etc. No need to move.

Not worth getting divorced over!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We turned out to have very different values and priorities at the end of the day. Let's just call it irreconcilable differences and leave it at that. We get along quite well and are both remarried to awesome people who are much better fits.

So you want her AND her husband to move? YES. You are REALLY selfish.

Hi. PP you're quoting here. I'm actually not the OP, which you don't seem to have understood at all.

Thank you, I'm the OP and I was about to address this.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a self centered piece of work. I doubt your relationship with your daughter will work out anyway, considering you are dismissive enough of her experience to ask her to upend her life so she can see you twice a month AT YOUR CONVENIENCE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

Holy crap. You cannot be serious. Are you planning on pay for ALL her expenses until she finds another job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We turned out to have very different values and priorities at the end of the day. Let's just call it irreconcilable differences and leave it at that. We get along quite well and are both remarried to awesome people who are much better fits.

So you want her AND her husband to move? YES. You are REALLY selfish.

Hi. PP you're quoting here. I'm actually not the OP, which you don't seem to have understood at all.

Thank you, I'm the OP and I was about to address this.

Original PP here.

OP, based on your ex's response, it sounds like your asking was pretty tone deaf. That is a really big ask to make of someone who has no reason to give you what you want. If she has no ties to Florida, no interest in the area, no immediate job prospects, and you are already only seeing your daughter a few days a month, I don't really understand how you expected this to work. Would you be around more if they relocated to Florida? Why are you only seeing your daughter every other weekend anyway? Would you (as PP suggested, when she thought I was you) be paying her moving expenses?

If you wanted to increase the likelihood of your ex not being angry, you could have talked to her about this before you started applying for jobs and framed it with at least a few things that you would do for HER if she considered this option. It doesn't sound like you considered any of that initially, and it's probably way too late to backpedal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

Yes, you are selfish.

[Anonymous]

You arent crazy to ask. I've known people who have done this. But if she says no you would be crazy to push.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can still move - one weekend a month you fly to DC and stay in a hotel, and the other weekend you fly your daughter to florida. Just add it up and see if you can afford it.

See your child only twice a month? Is a job really worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

What kind of visitation is every other weekend? You only see her two times a month?! How did that happen?

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't seem to have any concept of your daughter as a person with her own life. She has friends, hobbies, activities, a school here. Why would it be in her best interests to move to Florida -- other than the fact that you are planning to move there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

I think that you mean well, but your request does not take into account that your ex-wife has built a life here separate from you. If she picks up and moves to FL, she may stall her career and she'll definitely lose her support network.

I personally would not move to another county, let alone another state so DD could be near my XH. However, I do know a family that did this (CA to DC) and a decade later it seems like it worked out okay. I think it helped that the divorce was still fresh when the job transfer happened so the mom had not yet reestablished herself as a single woman socially. She and her XH also divorced amicably and are each other's main support network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is selfish.

And you are right to be concerned. My dad moved cross country when I was 13 and it was a major, negative impact on our relationship both then and continuing into my 30's.

OP here, my dad did the same thing and my siblings and I were all affected by this even to this day. That's why I don't want to make the same mistake with my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ And I saw him fairly regularly (every 6 - 8 weeks) and for longer periods during breaks. I resented him for messing with my schedule that much, especially as a teen.

There is NO substitute for day to day involvement. NONE.

ITA with this, but it's also worth pointing out that the OP does not see his child every day now. He sees her every other weekend.

While I only have custody every other weekend (where she's at my house), my ex wife and I have an arrangement to where I see her every day. I drop her off at school every morning and some days I pick her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not selfish to ask but probably unrealistic (as you are finding out)

This. Also, if your ex has a job/career/friends, you're asking her to uproot herself because you've always wanted to live in Florida. That's not a good enough reason.

As the custodial parent who has always earned more, the only way I would take my kids away from the area is if the opportunity was so amazing it would be a detriment to my kids to pass it up. Wait until she is 18 to move.