Am I selfish to ask my ex wife to relocate so I can be close to my child?

[Anonymous]

I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

[Anonymous]

Since you are the man, and you are the ex, everything is your fault, and by definition, anything you ask for is horribly selfish.

I'm surprised you haven't learned that lesson after all that you have probably gone through already.

Slow learner, aren't we?

[Anonymous]

troll...

[Anonymous]

You are cray cray.

[Anonymous]

It's not selfish to ask but probably unrealistic (as you are finding out)

[Anonymous]

You can still move - one weekend a month you fly to DC and stay in a hotel, and the other weekend you fly your daughter to florida. Just add it up and see if you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. Your wife and kids life is here. If you want to stay in your kids life, you need to stay here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

If it's about your daughter, stay in DC.

[Anonymous]

If you are the reason for the split no way is she going to agree lol.

If this is real and not a troll job, yes it is selfish to ask her to uproot her life (and that of your daughters) so you can follow a whim.

Also why did you agree to such a shitty custody arrangement?

[Anonymous]

What are the chances you can get custody and move with your daughter?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's a selfish request, but I do think that there was a very low probability of it working out.

I am divorced and a couple years ago, my ex (who I have a good relationship with) lost his job. We have a child and share custody, and I told him that when he started looking for new jobs, if a great opportunity came up in another city or state (particularly if it was out west closer to my family), I would be interested in discussing how that would work. It seemed really weird to relocate across the country with an ex, but at the same time, I would happily have done it on my own and also when we were still married, so not THAT weird. He was receptive to the idea, but he eventually got an awesome job here, so it didn't happen.

Your ex has made her feelings very clear. If you had joint custody, that would be one thing, but you do not. I would remind you that if it is not about her and is about your daughter then it is also not about you. If you only see her every other weekend now, you can fly up to DC for long weekends once a month, or you can stay here.

[Anonymous]

It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way.

Well, if your wife has full custody, then it is about her. Presumedly her job, home, and friends are here. What are her emplotyment opportunties in Fla? What about your child's school? Would your wife know anyone but you? Did you offer to think through these things or did you just say, "can you move there" and then expect her to figure those things out? Because if so, anyone would say no.

Rather than asking if you are selfish, the question is, are you reasonable? So, are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a selfish request, but I do think that there was a very low probability of it working out.

I am divorced and a couple years ago, my ex (who I have a good relationship with) lost his job. We have a child and share custody, and I told him that when he started looking for new jobs, if a great opportunity came up in another city or state (particularly if it was out west closer to my family), I would be interested in discussing how that would work. It seemed really weird to relocate across the country with an ex, but at the same time, I would happily have done it on my own and also when we were still married, so not THAT weird. He was receptive to the idea, but he eventually got an awesome job here, so it didn't happen.

Your ex has made her feelings very clear. If you had joint custody, that would be one thing, but you do not. I would remind you that if it is not about her and is about your daughter then it is also not about you. If you only see her every other weekend now, you can fly up to DC for long weekends once a month, or you can stay here.

You seem awesome. Why didn't things work out with you and the ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the chances you can get custody and move with your daughter?

Really? And move the child away from her mother when the mother has done nothing wrong? I can't see any judge approving that unless the mother has been deemed unfit (abuse, neglect, or if the mom has major alcohol/drug addiction issues.) Since the mom has custody currently, it's unlikely that's the case.

[Anonymous]

I would remind you that if it is not about her and is about your daughter then it is also not about you.

Here's your answer, OP. Proceed accordingly.