Am I selfish to ask my ex wife to relocate so I can be close to my child?

[Anonymous]

Um. Yes.

[Anonymous]

Is this a serious question? Can anyone truly be this clueless?

[Anonymous]

Op, your question is irrelevant. Ridiculous to spend on this. Ask anything you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a selfish request, but I do think that there was a very low probability of it working out.

I am divorced and a couple years ago, my ex (who I have a good relationship with) lost his job. We have a child and share custody, and I told him that when he started looking for new jobs, if a great opportunity came up in another city or state (particularly if it was out west closer to my family), I would be interested in discussing how that would work. It seemed really weird to relocate across the country with an ex, but at the same time, I would happily have done it on my own and also when we were still married, so not THAT weird. He was receptive to the idea, but he eventually got an awesome job here, so it didn't happen.

Your ex has made her feelings very clear. If you had joint custody, that would be one thing, but you do not. I would remind you that if it is not about her and is about your daughter then it is also not about you. If you only see her every other weekend now, you can fly up to DC for long weekends once a month, or you can stay here.

You seem awesome. Why didn't things work out with you and the ex?

We turned out to have very different values and priorities at the end of the day. Let's just call it irreconcilable differences and leave it at that. We get along quite well and are both remarried to awesome people who are much better fits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

Yes I do because she built a life where you are at. You chose to have a child with a ex and they moved. What is the ex moves again, are you going to follow her there. Not only that your relationship will be better with the ex in a different state. Honestly no excuse to move because you can see you child for summers etc. it's not that far. Get custody, another option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a selfish request, but I do think that there was a very low probability of it working out.

I am divorced and a couple years ago, my ex (who I have a good relationship with) lost his job. We have a child and share custody, and I told him that when he started looking for new jobs, if a great opportunity came up in another city or state (particularly if it was out west closer to my family), I would be interested in discussing how that would work. It seemed really weird to relocate across the country with an ex, but at the same time, I would happily have done it on my own and also when we were still married, so not THAT weird. He was receptive to the idea, but he eventually got an awesome job here, so it didn't happen.

Your ex has made her feelings very clear. If you had joint custody, that would be one thing, but you do not. I would remind you that if it is not about her and is about your daughter then it is also not about you. If you only see her every other weekend now, you can fly up to DC for long weekends once a month, or you can stay here.

You seem awesome. Why didn't things work out with you and the ex?

+1, Were YOU planning on paying for your ex-wifes relocation costs? What are her employment possibilities. She should up and move because YOU want to? I bet you are just a thrill a minute in the sack. Get over yourself. Florida is a short plane ride away. Why can't YOU fly back every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. Your wife and kids life is here. If you want to stay in your kids life, you need to stay here.

Sounds fishy like maybe he is interested in the ex. You have a wife and kids where you are at, let the daughter visit. Personally I would rather keep the ex far away from my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We turned out to have very different values and priorities at the end of the day. Let's just call it irreconcilable differences and leave it at that. We get along quite well and are both remarried to awesome people who are much better fits.

So you want her AND her husband to move? YES. You are REALLY selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in the DC area my whole life. I've been applying for out of state jobs and I got a job offer in Florida. I've always wanted to move to Florida so it would be the perfect opportunity. The only problem is my ex wife has full custody of our daughter (I get every other weekend with her). I don't want to be one of those dads that only sees his kid a few times a year like my dad was. I talked to my ex and asked her if she would consider moving and she told me hell no. Then said I was being selfish for ruining our family and then asking her to follow me so I can live my dream. It's not about her, it's about our daughter, but she doesn't want to see it that way. Do you think this is a selfish request?

OP, if it's about your daughter, then how does that equal your daughter and her mom moving so you can pursue a dream job? Presumably your daughter and ex have a home and are settled where they are now - are there similar job opportunities for your ex in Florida? Similarly affordable homes? Similar schools/childcare arrangements? It is asking a lot to say move so I can still see our child every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth should she have to move her whole family because you fancy living in Florida? Of course it is selfish, it is entirely about you. How could it not be? Did your daughter ask to move her entire life so she can see you some weekends? It obviously is not about her. Get your head out of your butt.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I dont think I've ever heard a more cluelessly selfish request in my life

[Anonymous]

If you only see the kid twice a month just come visit her once a month and look into getting longer visits during school breaks.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is selfish.

And you are right to be concerned. My dad moved cross country when I was 13 and it was a major, negative impact on our relationship both then and continuing into my 30's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We turned out to have very different values and priorities at the end of the day. Let's just call it irreconcilable differences and leave it at that. We get along quite well and are both remarried to awesome people who are much better fits.

So you want her AND her husband to move? YES. You are REALLY selfish.

Hi. PP you're quoting here. I'm actually not the OP, which you don't seem to have understood at all.

[Anonymous]

^^ And I saw him fairly regularly (every 6 - 8 weeks) and for longer periods during breaks. I resented him for messing with my schedule that much, especially as a teen.

There is NO substitute for day to day involvement. NONE.