How to deal with this situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. I left a message with DD's teacher and hope to speak with her tonight. I am also going to say something to the girl's mom, since a PP was right that it's a bit strange for just two girls to be excluded and I am curious why.

I am sure she will get over this in time, just sucks in the moment. I made some plans for a few of DD's friends to come over this weekend and we will do something fun, hopefully that will help.

I don't know that I would do this, OP. I mean this as gently as possible, but what do you stand to gain. The parents must have been aware that they were excluding two girls. Is doesn't take much empathy to realize how hurtful this is. They just didn't care. Confronting someone like that isn't worth your time. What possible explanation can they give?

Totally agree. You won't get a real answer and this will make it worse by upsetting you as well. Not to mention if the birthday girl finds out you called- may mean more teasing for your DD.

+1

[Anonymous]

This is an exact, really, an exact verbatim repeat of a DCUM thread from several years ago -- same scenario of going to an ice skating rink, party in progress, one kid left out, snotty remark by classmate.

And that person was caught troll as well.

Are there no original trolls left?

[Anonymous]

I really love that you are doing something together with girls from school, maybe this mountain ican be made back into a molehill. It says more about the kid who was teasing your daughterm whatta jerk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an exact, really, an exact verbatim repeat of a DCUM thread from several years ago -- same scenario of going to an ice skating rink, party in progress, one kid left out, snotty remark by classmate.

And that person was caught troll as well.

Are there no original trolls left?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/222422.page

[Anonymous]

Hmm, it sounds like this may be a troll post. On the off chance it's not, I can share that something very similar happened to my son, who's now 11yo. We showed up at the neighborhood pool one afternoon and there was a party in full swing with 20 kids from his class. It's a bigger school, and he's not super close with the birthday kid, but a bunch of kids he is pretty friendly with were there. I felt incredibly awkward and thought about just leaving. My son is not super popular, and I felt totally embarrassed that he wasn't invited and yet there we were.

The amazing thing was he didn't seem to care in the least, and none of the other boys made much about it either from what I could tell. They all played together for a while and it was fine. I did try to drag him away before they started in on pizza and cake, but otherwise just let him be. Maybe it's the difference between girls and boys - almost surely - but it's also a lesson in not letting your feelings of outrage contribute to your daughter's reaction.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I am definitely not a troll but pretty crazy that there was a post so similar. I hadn't seen that one before.

Anyway, I got some good advice from everyone so thanks and you can choose to think I am a troll or not.

I didn't reach out to the birthday girl's mom but did speak with her teacher who said she is also going to pay a little extra attention and will not tolerate any comments about the party. She hadn't heard anything about the party today other than a couple kids talking about ice skating in general. And, she also suggested meeting with the guidance counselor.

And, the school has a policy of inviting the whole class, everyone of the same sex, or less than half of the students in a class, so they're going to send a note home to remind parents of the policy. May not make a difference but maybe it will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an exact, really, an exact verbatim repeat of a DCUM thread from several years ago -- same scenario of going to an ice skating rink, party in progress, one kid left out, snotty remark by classmate.

And that person was caught troll as well.

Are there no original trolls left?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/222422.page

Even reading this post I don't think OP is a troll. I think this kind of thing just happens a lot, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is a troll. I think this happens a lot. OP, glad you reached out to the teacher and hope she can help smooth things out for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I could imagine this happening at the ice rink a lot since there's usually only one in town.
I take DS a few times a week in the winter and it would be impossible to miss a party there. There have actually been three parties at our local rink this season. One was a big class party with almost everyone invited but DS who has special needs. Luckily a friend of mine knows we go there all the time and gave me a heads up so I went out of our way to avoid the rink that day. I can imagine I would have been writing almost exactly what OP wrote if my friend hadn't helped me out of this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an exact, really, an exact verbatim repeat of a DCUM thread from several years ago -- same scenario of going to an ice skating rink, party in progress, one kid left out, snotty remark by classmate.

And that person was caught troll as well.

Are there no original trolls left?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/222422.page

I don't see where the OP of the above thread "was caught as a troll"? He or she just stopped responding (perhaps because the third degree from posters who seem to think this is an episode of Law & Order instead of a parenting board made him or her seek advise elsewhere?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am definitely not a troll but pretty crazy that there was a post so similar. I hadn't seen that one before.

Anyway, I got some good advice from everyone so thanks and you can choose to think I am a troll or not.

I didn't reach out to the birthday girl's mom but did speak with her teacher who said she is also going to pay a little extra attention and will not tolerate any comments about the party. She hadn't heard anything about the party today other than a couple kids talking about ice skating in general. And, she also suggested meeting with the guidance counselor.

And, the school has a policy of inviting the whole class, everyone of the same sex, or less than half of the students in a class, so they're going to send a note home to remind parents of the policy. May not make a difference but maybe it will help.

The school cannot control what parents do for birthdays. All this is going to do is make your kid more of a pariah - kids will hear that you complained and tease her more mercilessly. This happened to me as a kid. My mom thought she was helping, but it just got worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really wouldn't call the parent.

You already know that two children (or were told that there were only two, it may not be entirely accurate) were not invited and yours was one of them.

If you call this parent, they are either going to
1. Make up a white lie "oh Gracie thought she invited her, you must not have gotten the evite"
2. Get an earful about your daughter that you don't want to hear
3. No response at all

But guaranteed this will be talked about with other parents, friends and possibly even the students if the daughter gets wind of it and it will be even more focus on your daughter.

Is that what you want? Or do you must want this to be over and move on.

4. Make things worse for your daughter at school. This will likely blow over in a day ot two, but having you call teacher or the other parent will get her labeled a baby and really kill her socially.

Help her come up with a snarky ( not mean ) comeback for being called a party ccrasher, that's what she should have done when the boy approached her at the party..
Let her know that she is older now and that means she won't get to go to every party and that's okay- better to have a few close true friends, now is the time to learn the difference between someone you say hi to, aquaintances, and real friends

A good chat for you might be asking her she might want to think really hard about someone who only wants to play with her when other people are not around.

[Anonymous]

We belong to a neighborhood pool and have had the scenario with our kids running into other friends who were not invited to the party while we are having the party. But here's the thing -- We always get a pretty big sheet cake and enough pizza and I usually make a couple of extra goody bags. If I notice that my kids are playing with Albert, who wasn't invited, I have no problem with going over to Albert's mom and asking if he can join us for pizza and cake. It's not that difficult folks. It's called being gracious.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it well OP. It's good for the teacher to know she is basically teased at school for something that was already painful. I like that there will be a reminder to parents and I'm glad you didn't confront the parents. No point. I am fine with my kids not being invited, but if kids called them party crashers at school and they were upset by it, I'd say something to the teacher too. Plus, it's so simple. Invite all kids of the same gender if over 75% are invited. You certainly don't invite almost all the kids except a few. Basic manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think you handled it well OP. It's good for the teacher to know she is basically teased at school for something that was already painful. I like that there will be a reminder to parents and I'm glad you didn't confront the parents. No point. I am fine with my kids not being invited, but if kids called them party crashers at school and they were upset by it, I'd say something to the teacher too. Plus, it's so simple. Invite all kids of the same gender if over 75% are invited. You certainly don't invite almost all the kids except a few. Basic manners.

The teacher should be capable of addressing class issues i class. Having mom call isn't helping.

Neither is this 75% rule. OP's daughter is not in kindergarten she's 11 in middle school or will soon be it's time she starts to learn to deal with these things.


Do you think the 75% rule is followed in high school?