DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
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Anonymous
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We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."
We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened. When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited." I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say??? |
Anonymous
It is hard to believe anyone could be this mean. See what happens in school today with the birthday child. Maybe you could take your DD out, just the two of you, and just talk about this. I'd tell her that sometimes people do mean things, you don't know why, and it was their loss because "you are such a special person." My heart goes out to both of you. |
Anonymous
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Oh, poor thing. That does seem odd, if truly your DD was the only one excluded, and the mom actually said "she's not invited.". I would non-confrontationally ask the mom if there was some problem or issue that you weren't aware of.
As for your poor DD, i wouldn't bring it up...hopefully by now it's out of her mind. Poor thing! What age group are we talking about, BTW? |
Anonymous
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oh, wow. I don't know what to tell you other than that is awful and i am so sorry. I would be heartbroken for my child.
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Anonymous
| Sounds like a good excuse to teach "the high road" and remind her that how bad she felt when she was excluded was a lesson so that later, if she has a birthday party and doesn't want to invite someone, she should remember how it felt. Say you hope that she doesn't ever feel right making another person feel like that. Then say that you'll make it up to her and do something that she likes, even if it's just baking cookies or getting to pick what's for dinner the next night. |
Anonymous
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I think what you said was right on. You can also be sure not to downplay her feelings (doesn't sound like you are).
What the parent did was awful. I wonder if perhaps she thought you had found out about the party and brought your child there hoping she would "have" to be invited. Does not excuse the parent at all - just trying to figure out why parent would act that way. Could be just a very mean person. |
Anonymous
| OP, this happened to my DD. It was preschool and all the girls in her class were invited except her. I took DD out myself and did something special with her (all the kids talked about the party to her. She didn't understand and felt so bad). I attempted to use it as a lesson about ppl. She as 4 so I'm not sure how well it worked. |
Anonymous
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Wow. I wonder if there has been a misunderstanding here. Can you talk to the teacher? Birthday girl's mom sounds like she has a major bug up her butt about something.
I'm really sorry, OP. This should not have happened. Hugs to your little girl. |
Anonymous
| I wonder if the other mom thought you showed up on purpose when in reality it was just a really bad coincidence? |
Anonymous
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Are you sure your DD is not a trouble maker and left out because she's a bully or mean to the kids in the class?
Why would the parents do that to her out of the blue? Something is missing in this story. |
Anonymous
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That sounds very odd to me. By any chance did your DD have a birthday party earlier in the year and not invite the other girl (not that this should matter but perhaps the other mom thought that you had excluded her DD).
Could there have been problems at school btwn the 2 girls? Honestly, regardless of those things, I would NEVER invite everbody in my kids' class but one or two people. That is beyond horrible. And in - what 1st/2nd grade? I personally wouldn't care if my kid had a problem with another - you either invite less than half the class or everybody (or all girls/all boys). Whatever. But to exclude ONE person. Absolutely tacky and downright mean. I feel for your daughter, this is a horrible lesson to learn. Not sure if I'd try to talk to the other mom. I probably would, because I would want to figure out what happened, but considering that the mom had no problem doing this....yuck. |
Anonymous
| Huh? Really happened? |
Anonymous
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It is an odd coincidence that you happened to go ice skating at the one rink where this party was held. The other mom is likely a jerk, but maybe she thought you stalked them down in hopes that you'd be invited? In any case, it was still rude to invite the whole class and exclude one child.
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Anonymous
| i would call the mom and ask her to please explain why DD was excluded. There has to be more going on here! |
Anonymous
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I think it is also okay to let her know you don't understand why it happened. You can't explain other people's motives so you can tell her that it is confusing and you don't know why she wasn't invited because you wouldn't make a decision like that.
To exclude one person is downright mean, especially when there isn't a known reason. Does you daughter play at school with bday girl, did she think they were friends? Does your daughter have a very small class? I am wondering how your daughter was able to tell from a walk by the party room that every classmate was there. Assuming you didn't stand at the door/window and peer in and count, it could be your daughter wasn't the only one excluded. |