How to deal with this situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What on earth do you think you can do? Teach her to deal.

You are unkind. Presumably, the OP is seeking suggestions to help her daughter do just that.

[Anonymous]

It's an awkward situation and sounds like the kids are being mean about it, but there's nothing you can do, except to help her focus on the friends she does have, and not worry about other kids who aren't good friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really sorry that happened. My daughter and one other girl were the only two not invited to a spa sleepover party around that age. I was furious. We don't do birthday parties every year, but when we do, we invite every girl.

I really, really hate birthday parties for kids this age. Before DD, I had no idea how fraught these damned events were. Sometimes there's just no way to invite everyone.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, everyone. I left a message with DD's teacher and hope to speak with her tonight. I am also going to say something to the girl's mom, since a PP was right that it's a bit strange for just two girls to be excluded and I am curious why.

I am sure she will get over this in time, just sucks in the moment. I made some plans for a few of DD's friends to come over this weekend and we will do something fun, hopefully that will help.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry this happened to your DD, OP. You might want to talk to the guidance counselor about strategies for your DD and getting her comfortable going back to school. Ask for her/his support on moving forward, not rehashing what has happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. I left a message with DD's teacher and hope to speak with her tonight. I am also going to say something to the girl's mom, since a PP was right that it's a bit strange for just two girls to be excluded and I am curious why.

I am sure she will get over this in time, just sucks in the moment. I made some plans for a few of DD's friends to come over this weekend and we will do something fun, hopefully that will help.

I don't know that I would do this, OP. I mean this as gently as possible, but what do you stand to gain. The parents must have been aware that they were excluding two girls. Is doesn't take much empathy to realize how hurtful this is. They just didn't care. Confronting someone like that isn't worth your time. What possible explanation can they give?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. I left a message with DD's teacher and hope to speak with her tonight. I am also going to say something to the girl's mom, since a PP was right that it's a bit strange for just two girls to be excluded and I am curious why.

I am sure she will get over this in time, just sucks in the moment. I made some plans for a few of DD's friends to come over this weekend and we will do something fun, hopefully that will help.

I don't know that I would do this, OP. I mean this as gently as possible, but what do you stand to gain. The parents must have been aware that they were excluding two girls. Is doesn't take much empathy to realize how hurtful this is. They just didn't care. Confronting someone like that isn't worth your time. What possible explanation can they give?

Yes, don't speak to the party parent. Its actually none of your business who they chose to invite or not to their kids parties. You could find that approach blows up in your face and upsets you even more. Best leave that alone.

[Anonymous]

Change schools. Hellish little brats. Sorry for your daughter - that hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. I left a message with DD's teacher and hope to speak with her tonight. I am also going to say something to the girl's mom, since a PP was right that it's a bit strange for just two girls to be excluded and I am curious why.

I am sure she will get over this in time, just sucks in the moment. I made some plans for a few of DD's friends to come over this weekend and we will do something fun, hopefully that will help.

I don't know that I would do this, OP. I mean this as gently as possible, but what do you stand to gain. The parents must have been aware that they were excluding two girls. Is doesn't take much empathy to realize how hurtful this is. They just didn't care. Confronting someone like that isn't worth your time. What possible explanation can they give?

Totally agree. You won't get a real answer and this will make it worse by upsetting you as well. Not to mention if the birthday girl finds out you called- may mean more teasing for your DD.

[Anonymous]

I really wouldn't call the parent.

You already know that two children (or were told that there were only two, it may not be entirely accurate) were not invited and yours was one of them.

If you call this parent, they are either going to
1. Make up a white lie "oh Gracie thought she invited her, you must not have gotten the evite"
2. Get an earful about your daughter that you don't want to hear
3. No response at all

But guaranteed this will be talked about with other parents, friends and possibly even the students if the daughter gets wind of it and it will be even more focus on your daughter.

Is that what you want? Or do you must want this to be over and move on.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately nothing. We know our child has not been invited to a few. Its crappy not to be invited when 18 others were. That is on the parents for being so crummy. You have to teach her to deal with it sadly. That is one reason why we are transferring to public. Even though we don't like a few of the kids in my son's class we invited them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. I left a message with DD's teacher and hope to speak with her tonight. I am also going to say something to the girl's mom, since a PP was right that it's a bit strange for just two girls to be excluded and I am curious why.

I am sure she will get over this in time, just sucks in the moment. I made some plans for a few of DD's friends to come over this weekend and we will do something fun, hopefully that will help.

That sounds really nice.

I am always shocked and dismayed by how many people experience this - parties where only one or two children are left out. Sadly, the kind of parents who allow (encourage?) this are not likely to be understanding.

And aside from that, the party crashing comment - how rude, I'm disgusted just thinking about it.

Your daughter is lucky to have understanding parents. She will come through this fine and with a life lesson or two under her belt.

[Anonymous]

To look at the parents' side, you want your child to have a pleasant birthday and maybe s/he has strong feelings about not inviting a particular child or two. To me, it's not the lack of invitation--I don't believe friendships can be forced--it's the mean comments that are the real issue. I agree with those who think it's unwise to confront the parents, but making the teacher aware of the situation could be helpful.

[Anonymous]

PP, I agree. The party-crashing comment burns me up too. OP, I'm sorry your daughter is dealing with this. I hope that she learns some valuable life lessons from this, but I'm so sorry she has to learn them this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The easiest way to diffuse the teasing is to be able to laugh at it, or make jokes. I'm not saying she can do this. I personally suck at it. But it is a good skill to have. Is there any way she can at least fake laughing it off in front of friends?

"Oh you're just mad that you got busted. Wait til you see how I crash laser-tag parties!"