Found a condom in my husband's car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More info...kids are 3 and 2. He has a 2 door car and we swapped so he could drop the kids off at daycare while I'm off and wants to have some alone time. The car is from way before we met and he drives it to and from work exclusively since he totalled the suv. I can't come up with anyone that would borrow it, friends have their own cars and nieces or nephews are too young to drive.

Condom is in a gold wrapper. I know if I confront him he'll probably deny or says it's his friends left it there as a joke. Theres an understanding between us that we would devorce before committing adultery.

If he cheated, would you want a divorce?

[Anonymous]

That's the way I busted my ex wife. I found Magnums in her purse along with notes. We hadn't used condoms in a letter ng time and certainly never used Magnum xl's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More info...kids are 3 and 2. He has a 2 door car and we swapped so he could drop the kids off at daycare while I'm off and wants to have some alone time. The car is from way before we met and he drives it to and from work exclusively since he totalled the suv. I can't come up with anyone that would borrow it, friends have their own cars and nieces or nephews are too young to drive.

Condom is in a gold wrapper. I know if I confront him he'll probably deny or says it's his friends left it there as a joke. Theres an understanding between us that we would devorce before committing adultery.

If he cheated, would you want a divorce?[/but]

This probably is the only fault I won't tolerate. I can live without a cheating spouse but it'll be harder with 2 little ones. He loves his kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you know your husband would reflexively deny anything, I think this is tough.

Does he love you? I mean, in tangible actions? Do you feel loved by him? It could be, like a PP cheater said above, that you went through a rough patch after your kids were gone and he did have a brief affair, or a hookup or something. If he loves you, really loves you - I mean in actions, not just professed feelings - it's possible you could get beyond this.

I caught my then-fiance cheating. I found a printout of a map with a very obviously sexual email address that he created for purposes of online hookups when I was out of town. When I first discovered the map, I had no idea the extent of what he was doing. And even though it turns out that he was completely dishonest and a sex addict, the thing is, he did love me. Really love me. Enough to be at least partially honest with me when I confronted him.

I basically said something like, "I love you and I think that our relationship could recover if it turns out that you may have cheated on me. But if you turn me into a crazy person by denying it and gaslighting me and making me be a detective for the next 6 months, I will never forgive you. So please be honest with me if you love me. What does this mean?" and I handed him the printout.

He didn't immediately disclose everything, but he told me enough to know that he had cheated.

I join others in saying that I would lean more toward talking with him about this now than in turning yourself into a detective and driving yourself crazy. But if you already think he's fundamentally dishonest or unloving and wouldn't respect you enough to at least come clean if you confronted him, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. This must feel like being hit by a 2x4 in the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More info...kids are 3 and 2. He has a 2 door car and we swapped so he could drop the kids off at daycare while I'm off and wants to have some alone time. The car is from way before we met and he drives it to and from work exclusively since he totalled the suv. I can't come up with anyone that would borrow it, friends have their own cars and nieces or nephews are too young to drive.

Condom is in a gold wrapper. I know if I confront him he'll probably deny or says it's his friends left it there as a joke. Theres an understanding between us that we would devorce before committing adultery.

If he cheated, would you want a divorce?[/but]

This probably is the only fault I won't tolerate. I can live without a cheating spouse but it'll be harder with 2 little ones. He loves his kids.

Sorry to hear it then. If any type of infidelity is too much for you, then you probably need to choose blissful ignorance or divorce now and amicably. You won't live without him though. He will be in your life as a co-parent for the rest of your lives. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP you obviously must suspect it to some degree. If I found a condom in my DH's car I'd assume either his friend left it as a joke or it was a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously must suspect it to some degree. If I found a condom in my DH's car I'd assume either his friend left it as a joke or it was a joke.

Only a fool would think that. Who the hell just sticks condoms in their married friend's glove compartments? I don't suspect my husband of cheating in the least, but if clear evidence that he is doing so presents itself, I'm not sticking my head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously must suspect it to some degree. If I found a condom in my DH's car I'd assume either his friend left it as a joke or it was a joke.

Only a fool would think that. Who the hell just sticks condoms in their married friend's glove compartments? I don't suspect my husband of cheating in the least, but if clear evidence that he is doing so presents itself, I'm not sticking my head in the sand.

Agreed. Who is so dumb to think that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously must suspect it to some degree. If I found a condom in my DH's car I'd assume either his friend left it as a joke or it was a joke.

Only a fool would think that. Who the hell just sticks condoms in their married friend's glove compartments? I don't suspect my husband of cheating in the least, but if clear evidence that he is doing so presents itself, I'm not sticking my head in the sand.

Even better joke to mess with a friend. Even better joke would be to put it in his wife's car...ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously must suspect it to some degree. If I found a condom in my DH's car I'd assume either his friend left it as a joke or it was a joke.

In what universe is this even remotely funny? I can't imagine thinking this was a "joke". Who has such "friends"? That would never occur to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously must suspect it to some degree. If I found a condom in my DH's car I'd assume either his friend left it as a joke or it was a joke.

In what universe is this even remotely funny? I can't imagine thinking this was a "joke". Who has such "friends"? That would never occur to me.

Nobody would do that. Ever. If that's your first reaction to seeing a condom/pay as you go phone/any other clear and obvious evidence of cheating in your spouse's personal space or belongings, you are a dodo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry.

A couple of years before my mom died I went to get my dad's car registration out of his glove compartment so she could finish some paperwork.

I opened the glove compartment and at least a dozen wrapped condoms fell out.

She said she would put the registration back but I hung around and did it for her so she wouldn't see what was inside. As far as I know she didn't find out before she died. I have only shared this info with one of my siblings, and this was several years after she passed away.

I am sorry OP. That is a shocking thing to find in the car.

I am really sorry about this story, PP. It could be, however, that she and your dad used these condoms together.

My mom wasn't the kind of person to have car sex and she was beyond the age of being able to conceive.

[Anonymous]

If this were me, I wonder what I'd do.

Hm.

I guess because I have no reason at this time to think my husband is having sex with anyone (much less me), I'd just go ahead and ask him about it.

If I had a sneaky suspicion that he was having sex with someone else, I'd ask him about that first. Then I'd ask him about the condom.

If I had a pretty good reason to suspect he's having an affair--some longstanding concern or anxiety about it--then I guess I'd just realize that I hate living like that and initiate divorce. I don't care about a full-fledged investigation. I hate anxiety and suspicion and lack of trust in a marriage, and I don't think I could really commit myself to that kind of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More info...kids are 3 and 2. He has a 2 door car and we swapped so he could drop the kids off at daycare while I'm off and wants to have some alone time. The car is from way before we met and he drives it to and from work exclusively since he totalled the suv. I can't come up with anyone that would borrow it, friends have their own cars and nieces or nephews are too young to drive.

Condom is in a gold wrapper. I know if I confront him he'll probably deny or says it's his friends left it there as a joke. Theres an understanding between us that we would devorce before committing adultery.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

I also would ask before doing some convoluted sleuthing thing.