Sister doesn't want to come to Christmas dinner with me

[Anonymous]

I'm with your sister here. Especially if she would have to spend the night at their house, and there won't be non-family people there. That could be difficult, even if she is quite social.

If she knows your mom's friend, that might be a more comfortable invitation and more fuss-free.

[Anonymous]

If you want to spend time with your sister, ask if you can go with her.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're being really childish and awful. What has essentially happened is that you bailed on the family celebrations with your sister once you had a boyfriend, and now expect her to follow you around like a puppy dog to events that aren't all that interesting or engaging for her because, for her, it's basically just spending the holiday with acquaintances (you know, the way you so rudely and self-centeredly described the family friend that your sister cares about). If spending holidays with your sister was really a priority for you, you would have done what most couples do, which is to split the holidays between both of your families. So spending Thanksgiving with your boyfriend's family, and then spend Christmas with your sister doing things that are more centered around your family's traditions. Next year, switch holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one wants to spend holidays with someone else's family which is what you're expecting her to do. She doesn't know those people, you're not even married to your boyfriend so she could be wasting a holiday on people she'll never even see again if you two break up. She wants to make lasting holiday memories surrounded by people she knows and cares about. Your boyfriends family isn't those people. How do you not get that?

I'm not "someone else". She's choosing to spend the holidays with a friend of our mom's than with her sister and her boyfriend.

You're choosing to spend the holidays with your boyfriend and his family, not your sister.

Exactly. Are you really this self-centered, OP?

[Anonymous]

You lost me at "crazy in love." I don't want to spend time with you.

[Anonymous]

You and your boyfriend probably did something to make her feel uncomfortable - like be "crazy in love" in front of her - which no one likes. And who wants to make small talk with someone else's family. It was nice of you to include her but she has the right to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one wants to spend holidays with someone else's family which is what you're expecting her to do. She doesn't know those people, you're not even married to your boyfriend so she could be wasting a holiday on people she'll never even see again if you two break up. She wants to make lasting holiday memories surrounded by people she knows and cares about. Your boyfriends family isn't those people. How do you not get that?

I'm not "someone else". She's choosing to spend the holidays with a friend of our mom's than with her sister and her boyfriend.

I'm with your sister on this one.

+1

Just because your sister does not currently have a boyfriend does not mean that her time is any less precious. She is not a child that just gets shuttled around and absorbed into what the 'adults' have planned. In fact, that she is going to be with a friend of your moms sounds like a lovely way to spend the holidays. OP, you are coming across as one who believes she knows what is best for another person and your sister is clearly telling you that she has ideas of her own for spending her time. Why should your sister be pulled into your life when, it sounds like, you are not willing to experience what her life is composed of on her terms?

OP, you sound a bit inner focused and your sister is gently trying to tell you that she has opinions and desires of her own. Respect her wishes or you will damage your relationship with her. Trust me, I know this scenario well.

Of course her time is precious. We have always spent the holidays together including last year. This year, she's being so weird. It's like she's going through teen rebellion again or something. It's kind of odd to me that she'd purposefully spend time away from the only family she has in the area.

You aren't spending time with her. You are going with your boyfriend to his family's house and demanding she tag along. Spending time with you is not going to his families house.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't want to feel like a third wheel. Maybe your boyfriend did something that made her uncomfortable. Keep inviting her, no pressure. Let her decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You come here asking, "Am I wrong?" And then you argue with every poster who says you're wrong--the vast majority. If this is how you are with your sister IRL, I can see why she's not jumping to spend the holidays with you.

I agree. OP, you sound really immature.

I would also consider building a relationship with your sister on the non-holidays.

[Anonymous]

You're the one who ditched her to be crazy in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one wants to spend holidays with someone else's family which is what you're expecting her to do. She doesn't know those people, you're not even married to your boyfriend so she could be wasting a holiday on people she'll never even see again if you two break up. She wants to make lasting holiday memories surrounded by people she knows and cares about. Your boyfriends family isn't those people. How do you not get that?

I'm not "someone else". She's choosing to spend the holidays with a friend of our mom's than with her sister and her boyfriend.

YOU are not "someone else" but your boyfriend and his family are! Dumb ass. No wonder she's avoiding you. You're insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me and my sister are the only two family members living in the area for the past few years. We've always spent all special occasions together. This year, however, she doesn't want to spent any holiday with me. This is because I have a boyfriend and I spend the holidays with him and his family. His family is wonderful and they always warmly invite my sister along too since she's the only family I have in the country.

This year however she refused to join me for Thanksgiving and she is now refusing to join us for Christmas dinner as well. She says she'd rather spend them with a family friend than me and my boyfriend. She also has turned down the offer to celebrate New Years with us and our friends.

I can't help but feel hurt that she would rather spend the holidays with acquaintences than family.

Am I wrong?

Yup. She would rather spend the holidays with family friends than with your boyfriend and his family, who are, after all, acquaintances. I don't blame her for not wanting to tag along with you to your boyfriend's family. She might very well want to spend the holidays with you, but that's not what you're offering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me and my sister are the only two family members living in the area for the past few years. We've always spent all special occasions together. This year, however, she doesn't want to spent any holiday with me. This is because I have a boyfriend and I spend the holidays with him and his family. His family is wonderful and they always warmly invite my sister along too since she's the only family I have in the country.

This year however she refused to join me for Thanksgiving and she is now refusing to join us for Christmas dinner as well. She says she'd rather spend them with a family friend than me and my boyfriend. She also has turned down the offer to celebrate New Years with us and our friends.

I can't help but feel hurt that she would rather spend the holidays with acquaintences than family.

Am I wrong?

Yup. She would rather spend the holidays with family friends than with your boyfriend and his family, who are, after all, acquaintances. I don't blame her for not wanting to tag along with you to your boyfriend's family. She might very well want to spend the holidays with you, but that's not what you're offering.

What am I supposed to do then? NOT spend the holidays with my bf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's so important that you end the holiday with hers., cancel with your boyfriend's family, ask your sister how she would like to spend the day with you if she's willing to change her plans, and then happily spend Chrustmas with her going what she would like. Problem solved!

This is great advice!

This +1,000. If you want to spend the holiday with your sister, spend the holiday with your sister and not your BB's family. You seem pretty socially clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me and my sister are the only two family members living in the area for the past few years. We've always spent all special occasions together. This year, however, she doesn't want to spent any holiday with me. This is because I have a boyfriend and I spend the holidays with him and his family. His family is wonderful and they always warmly invite my sister along too since she's the only family I have in the country.

This year however she refused to join me for Thanksgiving and she is now refusing to join us for Christmas dinner as well. She says she'd rather spend them with a family friend than me and my boyfriend. She also has turned down the offer to celebrate New Years with us and our friends.

I can't help but feel hurt that she would rather spend the holidays with acquaintences than family.

Am I wrong?

Yup. She would rather spend the holidays with family friends than with your boyfriend and his family, who are, after all, acquaintances. I don't blame her for not wanting to tag along with you to your boyfriend's family. She might very well want to spend the holidays with you, but that's not what you're offering.

What am I supposed to do then? NOT spend the holidays with my bf?

Sounds like that is your choice. Quit hating on your sister's choice and make your own - who do you want to be with? Maybe if your BF is so crazy in love with you, he would offer to not spend it with his family so that you both can go with your sister. But honestly it sounds like your sister would rather not hang out with your boyfriend, so she chose to not spend it with you either. These are adult choices. It doesn't get easier after you get married and have kids either. Just grow up and realize you don't get everything you want when you're an adult.