Do you think my mother was rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback, guys. No offense taken. Let me clarify a few things, too---I did not say it in my original post because I did not want it to be too lengthy.

*Cousins were playing together the whole time except for 1 hour (8;30-9;30) when my mom was snuggling w/ SIL DS and my DD from 8;30-9;30. All other family members were doing their own thing while I was doing the book.

* I do my share, too---for example, I was the ONLY one to clean up the entire downstairs clutter of toys, and I also took the cousins out to the backyard/swing set while everyone was busy doing their own thing. BTW, I initiated both-and was happy to do so.

op here. correction bolded

[Anonymous]

OP here again-

and, I forgot to mention I did ask permission to do the book, and the computer was extra-NEVER used.

[Anonymous]

Your mother was tired that you were working on a project that was taking you (and SIL) away from the family at Thanksgiving.

It's a little bit selfish of you to do a personal project instead of spending some time with them. Your mother's comment was poorly worded since she didn't verbalize the nub of the problem.

This dynamic is par for the course in our family, so I am very familiar with it

[Anonymous]

11:31 again. Nobody was in the right or wrong in this situation, I should add. It's just your little self-absorption that triggered her little selfish huffiness, and if it was just a one time thing, it wouldn't matter at all. In my family however, this is what usually happens, and therefore it becomes a problem. You need to analyze your family dynamics to see who triggers who doing what, and try to avoid it during holiday get-togethers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
11:31 again. Nobody was in the right or wrong in this situation, I should add. It's just your little self-absorption that triggered her little selfish huffiness, and if it was just a one time thing, it wouldn't matter at all. In my family however, this is what usually happens, and therefore it becomes a problem. You need to analyze your family dynamics to see who triggers who doing what, and try to avoid it during holiday get-togethers.

I disagree wholeheartedly. There was someone wrong in this--op. She goes to someone's home and instead of socializing she pawns her child off on family members, monopolizes the host's computer and one of the other guests and then gets huffy when the host says it is time to stop. Op's mom was not selfish. She was fed up with her grown daughter acting like an entitled brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback, guys. No offense taken. Let me clarify a few things, too---I did not say it in my original post because I did not want it to be too lengthy.

*Cousins were playing together the whole time except for 1 hour (8;30-9;30) when my mom was snuggling w/ SIL DS and my DD from 8;30-9;30. All other family members were doing their own thing while I was doing the book.

* I do my share, too---for example, I was the ONLY one to clean up the entire downstairs clutter of toys, and I also took the cousins out to the backyard/swing set while everyone was busy doing their own thing. BTW, I initiated both-and was happy to do so.

op here. correction bolded

There is no justification for going to a family gathering and disconnecting to do your own project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
11:31 again. Nobody was in the right or wrong in this situation, I should add. It's just your little self-absorption that triggered her little selfish huffiness, and if it was just a one time thing, it wouldn't matter at all. In my family however, this is what usually happens, and therefore it becomes a problem. You need to analyze your family dynamics to see who triggers who doing what, and try to avoid it during holiday get-togethers.

I disagree wholeheartedly. There was someone wrong in this--op. She goes to someone's home and instead of socializing she pawns her child off on family members, monopolizes the host's computer and one of the other guests and then gets huffy when the host says it is time to stop. Op's mom was not selfish. She was fed up with her grown daughter acting like an entitled brat.

If you have such a formal relationship, then do that.
Most people feel much more relaxed and can initiate projects in their family member's homes. I DO agree that there is a point when it becomes rude. But that point is different for every family. The mother could also be a needy attention-seeking person who wants everyone around her constantly - we don't know how people are in OP's family.

So with incomplete facts, I don't want to judge OP. I'm just telling her to avoid triggering her mother next time. That will work whether or not OP or her mother are irrational creatures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
11:31 again. Nobody was in the right or wrong in this situation, I should add. It's just your little self-absorption that triggered her little selfish huffiness, and if it was just a one time thing, it wouldn't matter at all. In my family however, this is what usually happens, and therefore it becomes a problem. You need to analyze your family dynamics to see who triggers who doing what, and try to avoid it during holiday get-togethers.

I disagree wholeheartedly. There was someone wrong in this--op. She goes to someone's home and instead of socializing she pawns her child off on family members, monopolizes the host's computer and one of the other guests and then gets huffy when the host says it is time to stop. Op's mom was not selfish. She was fed up with her grown daughter acting like an entitled brat.

If you have such a formal relationship, then do that.
Most people feel much more relaxed and can initiate projects in their family member's homes. I DO agree that there is a point when it becomes rude. But that point is different for every family. The mother could also be a needy attention-seeking person who wants everyone around her constantly - we don't know how people are in OP's family.

So with incomplete facts, I don't want to judge OP. I'm just telling her to avoid triggering her mother next time. That will work whether or not OP or her mother are irrational creatures.

Common curtsy is now labeled as a "formal relationship?."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
11:31 again. Nobody was in the right or wrong in this situation, I should add. It's just your little self-absorption that triggered her little selfish huffiness, and if it was just a one time thing, it wouldn't matter at all. In my family however, this is what usually happens, and therefore it becomes a problem. You need to analyze your family dynamics to see who triggers who doing what, and try to avoid it during holiday get-togethers.

I disagree wholeheartedly. There was someone wrong in this--op. She goes to someone's home and instead of socializing she pawns her child off on family members, monopolizes the host's computer and one of the other guests and then gets huffy when the host says it is time to stop. Op's mom was not selfish. She was fed up with her grown daughter acting like an entitled brat.

If you have such a formal relationship, then do that.
Most people feel much more relaxed and can initiate projects in their family member's homes. I DO agree that there is a point when it becomes rude. But that point is different for every family. The mother could also be a needy attention-seeking person who wants everyone around her constantly - we don't know how people are in OP's family.

So with incomplete facts, I don't want to judge OP. I'm just telling her to avoid triggering her mother next time. That will work whether or not OP or her mother are irrational creatures.

Common curtsy is now labeled as a "formal relationship?."

Courtesy.
You are willfully misunderstanding me. My parents come into my home and I don't mind if they start a project, as long as they do emerge every now and then to spend time with us. That's called living as a family. In a more formal relationship, people are on their "visiting" behavior, where everyone is supposed to be making meaningful conversation all the time. It's not the usual dynamic of a family. The trick is to adjusting to other people's expectations in a way that doesn't compromise your own principles. Sometimes that means staying at a hotel or limiting contact

[Anonymous]

I'm willing to bet OP is consistently a "kid dumper" with family and friends. Even kids who are a bit loser and playing together require some supervision.

Plus, if you are around, you put your own kids to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm willing to bet OP is consistently a "kid dumper" with family and friends. Even kids who are a bit loser and playing together require some supervision.

Plus, if you are around, you put your own kids to bed.

A bit older, that is!

[Anonymous]

Your 2 yr old needed to be watched by an adult. And usually in big groups of kids like that the youngest ones aren't really playing with but just there playing around. So your mom was probably frustrated with watching your DD as were other adults while you finished the book. And honestly, you could have finished anytime really. The holiday weekend just wasn't a good choice for this activity.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the pressing need to create a picture photo album for a two year old. Why did she need it by a certain date? It was for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
11:31 again. Nobody was in the right or wrong in this situation, I should add. It's just your little self-absorption that triggered her little selfish huffiness, and if it was just a one time thing, it wouldn't matter at all. In my family however, this is what usually happens, and therefore it becomes a problem. You need to analyze your family dynamics to see who triggers who doing what, and try to avoid it during holiday get-togethers.

I disagree wholeheartedly. There was someone wrong in this--op. She goes to someone's home and instead of socializing she pawns her child off on family members, monopolizes the host's computer and one of the other guests and then gets huffy when the host says it is time to stop. Op's mom was not selfish. She was fed up with her grown daughter acting like an entitled brat.

If you have such a formal relationship, then do that.
Most people feel much more relaxed and can initiate projects in their family member's homes. I DO agree that there is a point when it becomes rude. But that point is different for every family. The mother could also be a needy attention-seeking person who wants everyone around her constantly - we don't know how people are in OP's family.

So with incomplete facts, I don't want to judge OP. I'm just telling her to avoid triggering her mother next time. That will work whether or not OP or her mother are irrational creatures.

Common curtsy is now labeled as a "formal relationship?."

Courtesy.
You are willfully misunderstanding me. My parents come into my home and I don't mind if they start a project, as long as they do emerge every now and then to spend time with us. That's called living as a family. In a more formal relationship, people are on their "visiting" behavior, where everyone is supposed to be making meaningful conversation all the time. It's not the usual dynamic of a family. The trick is to adjusting to other people's expectations in a way that doesn't compromise your own principles. Sometimes that means staying at a hotel or limiting contact

Oh, heaven forbid, autocorrect got it wrong. -- Refraining from doing your own projects, dumping your kids on others to supervise and monopolizing someone else's computer at a family gathering now constitutes "compromising your principles?" Now, that is an odd view of family behavior and personal maturity.

[Anonymous]

Don't dump your kids on others for hours at a time.