Married with Feelings for a Friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe what you have is just a really good, close friendship.

I think this too. I have a male friend that I think is attractive. However, the thought of actually being intimate with him is kind of weird. I have thought about it before, but I don't feel anything when I do. ...if that makes sense. I think when you have a close friend of the opposite sex, attraction is normal. For me, it's actually similar with the same sex. I think my girlfriends are attractive and I have thought about what it would be like to sleep with them, but it just doesn't do it for me.

This is the OP. Thanks for this. I can't really figure out which it is, but it sounds like there are others out there with this type of friendship because there's intimacy in any close friendship. It's what makes the friendship real and genuine. It's strange to have this genuine a friendship with someone who is the opposite gender but it doesn't mean that I fantasize him before I go to bed.

NP: I'd like to think it's just a really good, close friendship too OP, but the truth is, the moment you start questioning it and wondering and worrying about it, it has crossed into other territory. It's gone further than "just a close friendship" because as you said yourself, there is a spark.

I'm not saying run far away from him. But be realistic: what you feel now is how many affairs do start - emotional, physical, or both. Way back when, the one time I had an affair with an at the time practically married man (we were young but he'd been with his GF for 6 yrs living together and his family had become hers) it was because we were really reallhy good friends but because he was married I assumed neither of us would ever cross that line. And we didn't... until we did. It got reeeeeaaally messy and it was the experience that made me swear never to be on any other end of cheating again (the cheater or the cheated with). And I've held to it since then, even though I had a couple chances to sleep with men I was really attracted to. But I was clear, not gonna do it.

And now, if I am good friends with a guy and realize there's attraction, I distance myself. I still see exes, but only the ones I don't want to jump in bed with anymore LOL!

So that's all a long way of saying, don't fool yourself that just because you're both married and you don't have explicit dreams about him (waking or sleeping), don't think this can't lead to an affair. It often does.

[Anonymous]

You, you got what I neeeeeeed but you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friend
But you say he's just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friend
But you say he's just a friend.

-Biz Markie

[Anonymous]

Can't people have friendships anymore that don't lead to affairs? I really don't think as many people cheat as DCUM would lead you to believe. I only know one person ever who cheated and his wife took him back.

[Anonymous]

I'm not married and neither was he but I had a friendship turn into more when neither of us really wanted it to (colleagues).

I have other close male friends I've had for close to 20 years that I've never, ever had these feelings for.

NIP IT IN THE BUD. As a PP said, once you start wondering, more than once, about what it would be like, you've started to see him romantically/sexually. Bluntly, what's more important here: your marriage or this friendship? Cut off the friendship, or cut way, way, back on it. Sometimes, the very fact that "nothing has happened" is more enticing and intoxicating than when something actually does. Even if nothing physical ever happens, continuing this relationship while you feel the way you do is a problem, and will turn into a bigger one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

That's not crossing the line, IMO

If OP is spending her time before falling asleep thinking about another man, it's taking away from her intimacy with her husband. That puts her in emotional affair territory. It's one thing to have those thoughts while taking steps to minimize them (i.e., not continuing to spend time with him), but it's entirely different to not just indulge them but to encourage them by continuing to spend time with him and dwell on these thoughts rather than trying to put them out of her head.

Disagree. DH and I have sex at least 4x/week (a little much for me, but whatever...). Anyway, I think of other guys. It's what keeps it all alive. Would never cheat on DH.

I'm a DH and am the same way. Some of the hottest sex with DW typically involves memories from a past partner or someone I've seen at the gym I would love to have in my bed. The act of sex and getting each other off is what keeps it within the marriage. Don't care if she's thinking about someone else either. This is an important part of marriage just in the sense that it is a natural function that normal humans need to engage in. Outside sexy time with an AP is intense (yes I've been there once) and can obviously complicate things even if you're not found out. I've resolved myself to fantasy and regular sex with my DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married and neither was he but I had a friendship turn into more when neither of us really wanted it to (colleagues).

I have other close male friends I've had for close to 20 years that I've never, ever had these feelings for.

NIP IT IN THE BUD. As a PP said, once you start wondering, more than once, about what it would be like, you've started to see him romantically/sexually. Bluntly, what's more important here: your marriage or this friendship? Cut off the friendship, or cut way, way, back on it. Sometimes, the very fact that "nothing has happened" is more enticing and intoxicating than when something actually does. Even if nothing physical ever happens, continuing this relationship while you feel the way you do is a problem, and will turn into a bigger one.

Same with me. I have women friends from school and the business world. We know almost everything about each other but have never considered them for more than friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married and neither was he but I had a friendship turn into more when neither of us really wanted it to (colleagues).

I have other close male friends I've had for close to 20 years that I've never, ever had these feelings for.

NIP IT IN THE BUD. As a PP said, once you start wondering, more than once, about what it would be like, you've started to see him romantically/sexually. Bluntly, what's more important here: your marriage or this friendship? Cut off the friendship, or cut way, way, back on it. Sometimes, the very fact that "nothing has happened" is more enticing and intoxicating than when something actually does. Even if nothing physical ever happens, continuing this relationship while you feel the way you do is a problem, and will turn into a bigger one.

Can't agree more. Happened to me after many years of being faithful in marriage (never considered cheating or even cheated on a boyfriend). Our friendship quickly progressed from chatting to flirting...then a full fledged EA and then PA. I remember in the flirting stage he said "aren't you curious"...at that time I still couldn't imagine having sexual relations with someone else. Needless to say...one thing lead to another...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He could be your soul mate. You won't know until you have sexual relations.

You crack me up!!! Are you always the same poster?!

[Anonymous]

I say GET IT GIRL.

[Anonymous]

Keep it to oral only and maintain the rest for your husband

[Anonymous]

"FWIW, he wouldn't try anything on me, he's married with kids"

Are you going to let her get away with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

That's not crossing the line, IMO

If OP is spending her time before falling asleep thinking about another man, it's taking away from her intimacy with her husband. That puts her in emotional affair territory. It's one thing to have those thoughts while taking steps to minimize them (i.e., not continuing to spend time with him), but it's entirely different to not just indulge them but to encourage them by continuing to spend time with him and dwell on these thoughts rather than trying to put them out of her head.

Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He could be your soul mate. You won't know until you have sexual relations.

You crack me up!!! Are you always the same poster?!

No, I think there are several of us. But really, this is all that needs to be said to every "married with feelings for a friend" poster!

[Anonymous]

What if she also does oral with her husband, like on his birthday or something? Wouldn't he feel betrayed? That's why I say keep it to anal and share the rest with her husband.

Anonymous wrote:Keep it to oral only and maintain the rest for your husband

[Anonymous]

Just because you go on diet doesn't mean you still don't crave the pie and ice cream.

Did you think once you got married your pussy would shut off for all men, not just the one you got married to?