Married with Feelings for a Friend

[Anonymous]

Has anyone been happily married with feelings for a friend? I'm not talking about an emotional affair or any type of flirting, just a genuine connection with similar interests in common. I don't want to give up my friendship because it means a lot, but it's so conflicting to have a friendship with a small spark. I would never, ever consider cheating so I'm not conflicted about anything like an affair, I just don't know if I am torturing myself unnecessarily. I'm hoping that as our friendship goes on, that I will just outgrow the feelings and look back one day and laugh at how silly this is. Part of me thinks this is healthy and I can't be the only one out here feeling this way, but I wanted to hear from anyone out there who outgrew their feelings and could maintain a friendship. FWIW, he wouldn't try anything on me, he's married with kids, and we aren't late night drinking/texting buddies, so I think things are pretty safe on his side.

[Anonymous]

I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Maybe what you have is just a really good, close friendship.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's normal to feel attraction to other people even after you're married, and that's not inherently a threat to your marriage. Continuing to indulge the feelings by spending time with the other person, however, does pose a threat to your marriage. I understand that you don't want to give up the friendship, but you need to understand that if you continue the friendship, you are prioritizing that friendship over your marriage, and putting your marriage in jeopardy. Is that something you're comfortable with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

That's not crossing the line, IMO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

That's not crossing the line, IMO

If OP is spending her time before falling asleep thinking about another man, it's taking away from her intimacy with her husband. That puts her in emotional affair territory. It's one thing to have those thoughts while taking steps to minimize them (i.e., not continuing to spend time with him), but it's entirely different to not just indulge them but to encourage them by continuing to spend time with him and dwell on these thoughts rather than trying to put them out of her head.

[Anonymous]

In all honesty OP, if you have romantic feelings & both of you are married, you need to be the one to separate yourself from this friendship until your feelings dissipate.

Even though you state that you would never cheat on your spouse, emotions may replace common sense someday + things may get out of control.

Yes, it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

That's not crossing the line, IMO

I would love to know many many woman actually think its not crossing the line if their husband likes to think about a female friend before going to sleep. Be honest now....its crossing the line , and it would bother most spouses regardless of sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

That's not crossing the line, IMO

I would love to know many many woman actually think its not crossing the line if their husband likes to think about a female friend before going to sleep. Be honest now....its crossing the line , and it would bother most spouses regardless of sex

You've never thought of an acquaintance before bed at night?

[Anonymous]

New poster and no, I havent. Ok, I have thought about work, which may involve various coworkers, but not thinking about them in any "warm and fuzzy" feelings as I drift. I think that is a sign you may need to step back from this friendship that has a "spark."

[Anonymous]

He could be your soul mate. You won't know until you have sexual relations.

[Anonymous]

It's natural to be attracted to other people, but I think being faithful means choosing not to put yourself in tempting situations where you'll be testing the strength of your resolve. When I find another man attractive and I've met him in a social setting, I'll only engage with him in family-friendly settings - when my husband is in the room, whatever else I might have felt for another person just isn't there anymore. If it's a man at work, then I keep any interactions to work related stuff and don't engage in chit-chat, get coffee with the person, or eat lunch together. I avoid the guy all together and eventually the feelings go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest: there are men I have been attracted to since I got married. I just don't hang out with them or talk to them that much, on purpose.

+1

It's just something nice to think about when falling asleep at night. Stings a little, though.

And right there, you crossed the line.

That's not crossing the line, IMO

If OP is spending her time before falling asleep thinking about another man, it's taking away from her intimacy with her husband. That puts her in emotional affair territory. It's one thing to have those thoughts while taking steps to minimize them (i.e., not continuing to spend time with him), but it's entirely different to not just indulge them but to encourage them by continuing to spend time with him and dwell on these thoughts rather than trying to put them out of her head.

I posted the "pleasant thoughts before bed" thing, not OP. I'm prone to stupid one-sided crushes. I'd never act on them.