Reply to Married with Feelings for a Friend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe what you have is just a really good, close friendship.[/quote]

I think this too.  I have a male friend that I think is attractive.  However, the thought of actually being intimate with him is kind of weird. I have thought about it before, but I don't feel anything when I do. ...if that makes sense.  I think when you have a close friend of the opposite sex, attraction is normal.  For me, it's actually similar with the same sex.  I think my girlfriends are attractive and I have thought about what it would be like to sleep with them, but it just doesn't do it for me.  [/quote]

This is the OP.  Thanks for this.  I can't really figure out which it is, but it sounds like there are others out there with this type of friendship because there's intimacy in any close friendship.  It's what makes the friendship real and genuine.  It's strange to have this genuine a friendship with someone who is the opposite gender but it doesn't mean that I fantasize him before I go to bed.  [/quote]

NP: I'd like to think it's just a really good, close friendship too OP, but the truth is, the moment you start questioning it and wondering and worrying about it, it has crossed into other territory.  It's gone further than "just a close friendship" because as you said yourself, there is a spark.

I'm not saying run far away from him.  But be realistic: what you feel now is how many affairs do start - emotional, physical, or both.  Way back when, the one time I had an affair with an at the time practically married man (we were young but he'd been with his GF for 6 yrs living together and his family had become hers) it was because we were really reallhy good friends but because he was married I assumed neither of us would ever cross that line.  And we didn't... until we did.   It got reeeeeaaally messy and it was the experience that made me swear never to be on any other end of cheating again (the cheater or the cheated with).  And I've held to it since then, even though I had a couple chances to sleep with men I was really attracted to.  But I was clear, not gonna do it.

And now, if I am good friends with a guy and realize there's attraction, I distance myself.  I still see exes, but only the ones I don't want to jump in bed with anymore LOL!

So that's all a long way of saying, don't fool yourself that just because you're both married and you don't have explicit dreams about him (waking or sleeping), don't think this can't lead to an affair.  It often does.[/quote]

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