My a**hole cousin announced my uncle's death on FB before his daughter knew

[Anonymous]

OP here. My aunt called the husband because she wanted her daughter to have someone with her when she found out.
The reason he didn't immediately call is because he didn't want her to be alone when she found out, but also because it was the middle of the night there. He assumed she'd be asleep all night and wouldn't be online.
To be honest, nobody really thought that it would be announced on Facebook. They just didn't want her finding out at 2am while she is alone in a foreign country.
She has basically been ostracised.
She is the type of person to post things like "I can't tell you what is going on, but I need you to pray for me."
She's always looking for attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My aunt called the husband because she wanted her daughter to have someone with her when she found out.
The reason he didn't immediately call is because he didn't want her to be alone when she found out, but also because it was the middle of the night there. He assumed she'd be asleep all night and wouldn't be online.
To be honest, nobody really thought that it would be announced on Facebook. They just didn't want her finding out at 2am while she is alone in a foreign country.
She has basically been ostracised.
She is the type of person to post things like "I can't tell you what is going on, but I need you to pray for me."
She's always looking for attention.

To clarify-my a**hole cousin has been ostracised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My aunt called the husband because she wanted her daughter to have someone with her when she found out.
The reason he didn't immediately call is because he didn't want her to be alone when she found out, but also because it was the middle of the night there. He assumed she'd be asleep all night and wouldn't be online.
To be honest, nobody really thought that it would be announced on Facebook. They just didn't want her finding out at 2am while she is alone in a foreign country.
She has basically been ostracised.
She is the type of person to post things like "I can't tell you what is going on, but I need you to pray for me."
She's always looking for attention.

To clarify-my a**hole cousin has been ostracised.

Why the hell did this a**hole cousin even know about the uncle's death? Something doesn't sound right....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My aunt called the husband because she wanted her daughter to have someone with her when she found out.
The reason he didn't immediately call is because he didn't want her to be alone when she found out, but also because it was the middle of the night there. He assumed she'd be asleep all night and wouldn't be online.
To be honest, nobody really thought that it would be announced on Facebook. They just didn't want her finding out at 2am while she is alone in a foreign country.
She has basically been ostracised.
She is the type of person to post things like "I can't tell you what is going on, but I need you to pray for me."
She's always looking for attention.

To clarify-my a**hole cousin has been ostracised.

Why the hell did this a**hole cousin even know about the uncle's death? Something doesn't sound right....

Her mother told her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

eh, we just now learned that this death was unexpected. The only "excuse" that I can see is if this cousin had a very close relationship with her uncle and his wife, and his wife asked for her to get the word out to everyone about his passing - so the cousin got the word out to everyone using Facebook.

It does seem pretty insensitive to his daughter living overseas but sometimes people don't think straight when they are hurting. And it's possible that the cousin thought "Well if I know, surely the family already knows about this" and didn't think twice about posting a message about it...hoping for some support for her aunt.

Even if the death was expected, I feel this is completely tacky. Also, based on the fact that the wife was trying to get in touch with her daughter and the fact that the cousin has since taken the post down due to criticism from the family, it seems highly unlikely that the 'excuse' is plausible.

[Anonymous]

It seems to be the in thing now to Facebook an imminent death, the death itself, the wake, the service, the cremation and or burial and all the rest that goes along with it.

I have seen this so many times yet no one finds it uncouth like I do. It's so sad to see the LOOK AT ME posts some people make.

Get off of Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is awful. Your cousin totally sucks. Totally. There is no excuse. You say she has done this before? WTF?

I have two related stories that make my blood boil to this day:

1) My brother died from bipolar disorder by suicide. I still have a significant traumatic reaction to finding out about his death - it's the worst thing that I have ever experienced. Thankfully, I did not find out on Facebook. However, within an hour of me finding out about his death, I got messages from childhood friends with condolences on Facebook. Turns out, the 911 operator who took the call was an acquaintance of ours from middle school. He almost immediately posted a message that said something like, "RIP [my brother's name]. I'm so sorry you felt like you had to take your own life. I hope you are at peace now." He didn't give a shit about my brother. He just wanted to be the person to get lots of attention for posting about it. Fucker even got condolences from people as if he was a friend. I seriously considered (and sometimes still do) writing to his supervisor to get him fired or reprimanded, but it's the last thing my brother would ever want me to do so I have held off.

2) My DH's dear friend's 2 year old daughter died from cancer earlier this year. Facebook was her mom's main way of getting support through their harrowing battle with this terrible disease. The mom posted nearly every day, usually multiple times a day, with lots of pictures and medical details. She seemed to take sustenance from the prayers, likes, and loving comments she'd get from her hundreds and later thousands (she built a huge network of friends among other pediatric cancer parents) of friends every day, and DH and I both posted often just so she and her husband knew their daughter was in our hearts and prayers every day. When she went silent for a couple of days, we knew things were really dire. One night, I came downstairs after putting our baby to bed, and my DH was in tears. He had found out that the sweet baby had died, not from his friend or his friend's wife, but from a girlfriend of a mutual friend of ours who took it upon herself to post a message of condolence to the mom's wall even before the mom herself had chosen to inform the world of her child's death.

The manner of finding out the baby had died did not make her death any less sad, but we were both SO furious that this person who was barely an acquaintance of the parents took it upon herself to usurp the parents' right to disclose their daughter's death on their own timeline and terms. How selfish can you be, to think that you should be the first one to post about something like that?

Auuugh, I get enraged just thinking about it.

Wow. I'm so so sorry about your brother and what that shitty operator did. That must be so difficult to not have said anything to the supervisor. I guess you just have to think his life must be sad that he craves attention like this? Either way I'm sorry about both incidence. So many selfish people out there.

[Anonymous]

Sad, but every communication I have with my husband's family, we need to ask them please not to post anything on Facebook. I am pregnant, please don't post it on Facebook. Larlo got a new job and we are moving; please don't post it on Facebook. By all means, please tell Larla and the cousins, but I cannot stress enough that we don't want anyone to post this news on Facebook.

They are mostly compliant now, but it so goddamn irritating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to be the in thing now to Facebook an imminent death, the death itself, the wake, the service, the cremation and or burial and all the rest that goes along with it.

I have seen this so many times yet no one finds it uncouth like I do. It's so sad to see the LOOK AT ME posts some people make.

Get off of Facebook.

It is sometimes the fastest, most convenient way to communicate. I knew within 2 hours of my uncle passing away (not from FB). My mom received a call from my aunt. We have relatives all over and while everyone knew he passed away (it took a day or two to get the word out) the details of the service were posted on FB for to make it easier to coordinate. So, while I would NOT have wanted to find out from a FB post, it did make getting the information on the service to everyone pretty convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

eh, we just now learned that this death was unexpected. The only "excuse" that I can see is if this cousin had a very close relationship with her uncle and his wife, and his wife asked for her to get the word out to everyone about his passing - so the cousin got the word out to everyone using Facebook.

It does seem pretty insensitive to his daughter living overseas but sometimes people don't think straight when they are hurting. And it's possible that the cousin thought "Well if I know, surely the family already knows about this" and didn't think twice about posting a message about it...hoping for some support for her aunt.

Even if the death was expected, I feel this is completely tacky. Also, based on the fact that the wife was trying to get in touch with her daughter and the fact that the cousin has since taken the post down due to criticism from the family, it seems highly unlikely that the 'excuse' is plausible.

I do not have a facebook page - it is not a way that I use to communicate. However, I have seen other people use Facebook to communicate news about illness, death, birth and other personal news so it does not surprise me that people use Facebook this way. I would be careful sharing details about my life with people who are so "Out There" and frank about their personal lives if you do not wish your own life to be an open book as well. Lesson learned I suppose. I'm sorry this happened but given her history it can be much of a surprise...I hope your aunt is doing o.k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get two things:

Why the mother called the DH.
Why the DH didn't immediately call his wife.

I get that she is in Beijing but when a family member dies the first thing you do is call the immediate family. Never a good time to break the news but why wait?

When my dad died unexpectedly, I called my brother-in-law and asked him to tell my sister. I wanted someone to be with her to comfort her when she heard the news as I was at work when I received the news. My sister never questioned my decision and I've never doubted it.

I saw an erroneous post on fb a few days ago, announcing a cousin's death and quite a few folks pounced on the poster. Folks need to let the immediate family post first or give permission to post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

eh, we just now learned that this death was unexpected. The only "excuse" that I can see is if this cousin had a very close relationship with her uncle and his wife, and his wife asked for her to get the word out to everyone about his passing - so the cousin got the word out to everyone using Facebook.

It does seem pretty insensitive to his daughter living overseas but sometimes people don't think straight when they are hurting. And it's possible that the cousin thought "Well if I know, surely the family already knows about this" and didn't think twice about posting a message about it...hoping for some support for her aunt.

Wrong. The cousin wanted the attention she knew she would get by being the first to post the death.

Typical Facebook narcissism. Plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong with it. How would he know she didn't know. Facebook let her know, I think that's a good thing.,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get two things:

Why the mother called the DH.
Why the DH didn't immediately call his wife.

I get that she is in Beijing but when a family member dies the first thing you do is call the immediate family. Never a good time to break the news but why wait?

When my dad died unexpectedly, I called my brother-in-law and asked him to tell my sister. I wanted someone to be with her to comfort her when she heard the news as I was at work when I received the news. My sister never questioned my decision and I've never doubted it.

I saw an erroneous post on fb a few days ago, announcing a cousin's death and quite a few folks pounced on the poster. Folks need to let the immediate family post first or give permission to post.

And I suppose if she had any questions or concerns she could ask her husband? I actually think it would be way worse to get news like that from someone who had no real details and couldn't answer any questions...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with it. How would he know she didn't know. Facebook let her know, I think that's a good thing.,

I suppose they could have just sent out a mass email. That would have done the trick too?