My a**hole cousin announced my uncle's death on FB before his daughter knew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the daughter's husband knew that his wife was on the internet, went on Facebook, etc. he should have broken the news to his wife over the phone immediately. He could have sent a friend over to comfort his wife.

Of course people are going to talk about the death of a loved one. Of course they are. I can't imagine expecting everyone to hold back speaking about it for a day or two because my husband hadn't gotten around to breaking the news to me. He should have CALLED his wife. Of course, hindsite is 20/20. That said, I'm very sorry about your uncle, Op.

Did you read the OP? His wife lived in Beijing and knows no one. He was rushing home. The cousin posted within 2 hours. The cousin was out of line. There was no reason she needed to post that quickly. I recently lost my uncle and there is NO WAY I would ever post on FB before my aunt did. We did use facebook to announce the memorial and other things - but the news was not mine to share - it was my aunts. For heavens sake- waiting at least 24 hours would have been appropriate - ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNOW HIS DAUGHTER IS LIVING IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.

This need for attention is disturbing. Everything is about ME, ME, ME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never post anything related to death on facebook, but that's just me. I personally reach out to anyone I want to know.

Secondly, if I was comfortable with posting on FB, I would never post about someone who wasn't immediate family.

Facebook is evil.

Funeral arrangements are posted on the internet.

Yeah, by immediate family!

Agreed. But isn't the Op offended because her cousin (the daughter) found out about her own dad's death because the other daughter (also Op's cousin I'm guessing or, if not, a half sibling to the Op's cousin) posted about it on Facebook?

[Anonymous]

Your cousin's dad died. They might not even be thinking straight. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this is that bad? People should be able to post to facebook as they see fit.

This is as ridiculous as friends being upset they find out someone is pregnant from facebook instead of in person

You need to learn some basic social skills and sensitivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never post anything related to death on facebook, but that's just me. I personally reach out to anyone I want to know.

Secondly, if I was comfortable with posting on FB, I would never post about someone who wasn't immediate family.

Facebook is evil.

Funeral arrangements are posted on the internet.

Yeah, by immediate family!

Agreed. But isn't the Op offended because her cousin (the daughter) found out about her own dad's death because the other daughter (also Op's cousin I'm guessing or, if not, a half sibling to the Op's cousin) posted about it on Facebook?

I interpreted it that the one cousin is a daughter of the man who died, the other person is a cousin to the daughter and to OP.

Whether it was a cousin or a sister, if you know they just lost their father, why wouldn't you reach out to them first to offer condolences before putting it out on FB?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the daughter's husband knew that his wife was on the internet, went on Facebook, etc. he should have broken the news to his wife over the phone immediately. He could have sent a friend over to comfort his wife.

Of course people are going to talk about the death of a loved one. Of course they are. I can't imagine expecting everyone to hold back speaking about it for a day or two because my husband hadn't gotten around to breaking the news to me. He should have CALLED his wife. Of course, hindsite is 20/20. That said, I'm very sorry about your uncle, Op.

Did you read the OP? His wife lived in Beijing and knows no one. He was rushing home. The cousin posted within 2 hours. The cousin was out of line. There was no reason she needed to post that quickly. I recently lost my uncle and there is NO WAY I would ever post on FB before my aunt did. We did use facebook to announce the memorial and other things - but the news was not mine to share - it was my aunts. For heavens sake- waiting at least 24 hours would have been appropriate - ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNOW HIS DAUGHTER IS LIVING IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.

This need for attention is disturbing. Everything is about ME, ME, ME.

I did not notice that it was all announced within 2 hrs of the death. Unless the death was anticipated (he was known to be in the hospital in very critical condition and people were waiting/watching for news) it seems very early to be posting details on Facebook. But I would imagine that the grieving daughter who posted the details thought that everyone in the family had been notified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never post anything related to death on facebook, but that's just me. I personally reach out to anyone I want to know.

Secondly, if I was comfortable with posting on FB, I would never post about someone who wasn't immediate family.

Facebook is evil.

Funeral arrangements are posted on the internet.

Yeah, by immediate family!

Agreed. But isn't the Op offended because her cousin (the daughter) found out about her own dad's death because the other daughter (also Op's cousin I'm guessing or, if not, a half sibling to the Op's cousin) posted about it on Facebook?

I read that as a cousin who was not the uncle's daughter was the one who posted it on Facebook. OP - clarify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never post anything related to death on facebook, but that's just me. I personally reach out to anyone I want to know.

Secondly, if I was comfortable with posting on FB, I would never post about someone who wasn't immediate family.

Facebook is evil.

Funeral arrangements are posted on the internet.

Yeah, by immediate family!

Agreed. But isn't the Op offended because her cousin (the daughter) found out about her own dad's death because the other daughter (also Op's cousin I'm guessing or, if not, a half sibling to the Op's cousin) posted about it on Facebook?

I read that as a cousin who was not the uncle's daughter was the one who posted it on Facebook. OP - clarify.

PP here, after reading the Op again, it does seem that you are right - this cousin who posted does not appear to be the uncle's daughter.

It seems like news like this travels very quickly these days.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To clarify-he died in an unexpected manner.
My cousin who announced the death is not sisters with the cousin who lost her father.
They are first cousins.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

[Anonymous]

My niece did the same thing regarding my step father. My mom married him when I was 4 so he had been a part of my life for 35 years when he died. He passed in the night at a hospice place and my mom went home and went online. My niece was up and messaged my mom and my mom told her. Niece promptly posted it on Facebook and that's how the family found out. We all knew it was going to happen since he was in hospice but still, when you get news like that, keep your yap shut until everyone has had a chance to find out the normal way. Obviously my mom wasn't going to call everyone at 2 am or whatever. This was an adult niece in her 20s so she should have been old enough to know better.

[Anonymous]

I don't get two things:

Why the mother called the DH.
Why the DH didn't immediately call his wife.

I get that she is in Beijing but when a family member dies the first thing you do is call the immediate family. Never a good time to break the news but why wait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get two things:

Why the mother called the DH.
Why the DH didn't immediately call his wife.

I get that she is in Beijing but when a family member dies the first thing you do is call the immediate family. Never a good time to break the news but why wait?

Not the OP, but I kind of get why she did this. She knew the DH was out of town and that the daughter would be potentially devastated and have no one to lean on. So, they were giving the husband time to get home. There was no way the mom could have predicted that the announcement would be made on FB - she thought she had time and wanted her daughter to have a support system. It seems fairly logical to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is awful. Your cousin totally sucks. Totally. There is no excuse. You say she has done this before? WTF?

I have two related stories that make my blood boil to this day:

1) My brother died from bipolar disorder by suicide. I still have a significant traumatic reaction to finding out about his death - it's the worst thing that I have ever experienced. Thankfully, I did not find out on Facebook. However, within an hour of me finding out about his death, I got messages from childhood friends with condolences on Facebook. Turns out, the 911 operator who took the call was an acquaintance of ours from middle school. He almost immediately posted a message that said something like, "RIP [my brother's name]. I'm so sorry you felt like you had to take your own life. I hope you are at peace now." He didn't give a shit about my brother. He just wanted to be the person to get lots of attention for posting about it. Fucker even got condolences from people as if he was a friend. I seriously considered (and sometimes still do) writing to his supervisor to get him fired or reprimanded, but it's the last thing my brother would ever want me to do so I have held off.

2) My DH's dear friend's 2 year old daughter died from cancer earlier this year. Facebook was her mom's main way of getting support through their harrowing battle with this terrible disease. The mom posted nearly every day, usually multiple times a day, with lots of pictures and medical details. She seemed to take sustenance from the prayers, likes, and loving comments she'd get from her hundreds and later thousands (she built a huge network of friends among other pediatric cancer parents) of friends every day, and DH and I both posted often just so she and her husband knew their daughter was in our hearts and prayers every day. When she went silent for a couple of days, we knew things were really dire. One night, I came downstairs after putting our baby to bed, and my DH was in tears. He had found out that the sweet baby had died, not from his friend or his friend's wife, but from a girlfriend of a mutual friend of ours who took it upon herself to post a message of condolence to the mom's wall even before the mom herself had chosen to inform the world of her child's death.

The manner of finding out the baby had died did not make her death any less sad, but we were both SO furious that this person who was barely an acquaintance of the parents took it upon herself to usurp the parents' right to disclose their daughter's death on their own timeline and terms. How selfish can you be, to think that you should be the first one to post about something like that?

Auuugh, I get enraged just thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

eh, we just now learned that this death was unexpected. The only "excuse" that I can see is if this cousin had a very close relationship with her uncle and his wife, and his wife asked for her to get the word out to everyone about his passing - so the cousin got the word out to everyone using Facebook.

It does seem pretty insensitive to his daughter living overseas but sometimes people don't think straight when they are hurting. And it's possible that the cousin thought "Well if I know, surely the family already knows about this" and didn't think twice about posting a message about it...hoping for some support for her aunt.