Ethics of adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it. I found it to be pretty one-sided. I think changing the waiting period for adoption revocation is a terrible idea, and ignores the needs of the child. A baby needs to immediately bond with its parent- whether that is the birth parent or an adoptive parent- not be ping-ponged back and forth.
The article did not make any attempt to get alternate perspectives- it only looked at those who regretted adoption.

The fetus has already bonded in utero and studies have shown the baby suffers when birth mother and baby are separated. Women who have babies born out of wedlock are no longer ostracized and society should do all it can to keep these women and their babies together. It is not the job of any woman to be a brood mare for infertile couples. Adopting children from other countries is a travesty because these babies will never know or understand their hereditary culture, extended families or their mother tongue.

You are sadly uninformed about the actual literature on these topics, and are looking for a fight or an axe to grind. How do you expect anyone who is actually educated on the subject to take you seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read this and tell me this little girl was better off with her biological father than being adopted.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/480750.page

This is a tragedy but it is also an isolated case.

You are extremely naive or willfully ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

interesting-- I'm curious how far you extend this argument. do you mean domestic infant adoption? international? adoption from foster care where the child has been taken away from biological parents due to abuse and neglect? What about a bio mother who has lost other children to the foster care system, and knows that she cannot parent- can she do a dia?

I have adopted from foster care and let me assure you I have a visceral bond with my children. I certainly have not stolen anyone's children- I have adopted children who have indeed been abandoned by their biological parents.

Your altruism will, no doubt, be noted by the Nobel Peace Committee. How many of these children had extended families who. If they knew about them, would have adopted them? Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

I'm an adult adoptee. My married birth parents came in with my aunts and uncles to relinquish me. I had an extended family who, for reasons that are none of your business, couldn't/wouldn't adopt me. I have also adopted a child; some of her extended family came in with her birth family when they relinquished her. I also have a bio child; I can assure you that my bond with both of my children is the same, but I don't expect you to understand since you've never experienced the blessing of adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]Read this and tell me this little girl was better off with her biological father than being adopted.
[/b]
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/480750.page

I guess you forgot to read about the case where and adoptive dad left his toddler in the hot car and kid died-it was in Virginia and part of the reason why Russia banned adoptions to the US!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Read this and tell me this little girl was better off with her biological father than being adopted.
[/b]
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/480750.page

I guess you forgot to read about the case where and adoptive dad left his toddler in the hot car and kid died-it was in Virginia and part of the reason why Russia banned adoptions to the US!

Seriously? That is your example to claim that adoptive parents are abusive, mean and horrible? A terrible accident that has happened to several parents? You need a better argument, if you have one.

[Anonymous]

The article posted is 2 years old.

about adoption -
Watch some old episodes of Teen Mom that feature Catilyn and Tyler. While it's sad that they are not able to raise their first daughter, adoption was the best choice.

It's not about money. It's not about things. It's about the fact that when you watch these two kids and you see how little prepared they are for life or how to parent because they lacked parenting growing up. And you watch the situation of their lives and where they live and how they live and the choices those around them make, you realize that yeah, sometimes a kid really does deserve a better environment to grow up in. And I think there are lots of women like Caitlyn who really look at their situation and just know it's not the one to raise a child in.

Placing a child is never ever an easy thing and yes, there is always an element of sadness to the situation for everyone involved including the child but in life some things are just sad. It doesn't mean they don't happen any way and it doesn't make them wrong.

[Anonymous]

I have always been pro bio parent.
I once listened to a radio broadcast about women who gave their kids up for adoption. They interviewed them later in life around age 50 or so. To make a long story short, when I got to work, I could barely get out of the car since I was crying so loudly. It was heart breaking to hear how so many had this sense of loss. They often said that they hoped that their child would simply appear around a corner or behind a door. Almost all said they would never have given the child up i they knew how painful it would have been.
If I were an adoptive parent I would feel so much guilt if I knew that the bio parents were suffering like this.
The system is abusive and it has to stop. The research showing that in the end, most kids are better off with their bio parents.
I also claim that the research on post abortion stress is skewed to support that practice. We hear what we want and we believe what we want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

interesting-- I'm curious how far you extend this argument. do you mean domestic infant adoption? international? adoption from foster care where the child has been taken away from biological parents due to abuse and neglect? What about a bio mother who has lost other children to the foster care system, and knows that she cannot parent- can she do a dia?

I have adopted from foster care and let me assure you I have a visceral bond with my children. I certainly have not stolen anyone's children- I have adopted children who have indeed been abandoned by their biological parents.

Your altruism will, no doubt, be noted by the Nobel Peace Committee. How many of these children had extended families who. If they knew about them, would have adopted them? Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

You do realize you are a petty and awful person, right? It seems you are not actually against adoption. In our own words you think other family members should adopt the kids. And do you really believe for every adopted child there is a family member out there who would have adopted the child. You have a vivid imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always been pro bio parent.
I once listened to a radio broadcast about women who gave their kids up for adoption. They interviewed them later in life around age 50 or so. To make a long story short, when I got to work, I could barely get out of the car since I was crying so loudly. It was heart breaking to hear how so many had this sense of loss. They often said that they hoped that their child would simply appear around a corner or behind a door. Almost all said they would never have given the child up i they knew how painful it would have been.
If I were an adoptive parent I would feel so much guilt if I knew that the bio parents were suffering like this.
The system is abusive and it has to stop. The research showing that in the end, most kids are better off with their bio parents.
I also claim that the research on post abortion stress is skewed to support that practice. We hear what we want and we believe what we want.

So what exactly are you proposing? That these women should have been forced to keep the child so they didn't feel sad later in life. Or maybe that someone else love and raise the child, but just until the bio parent is ready to be a parent, which may or may not ever happen.

As for the adoptive parents feeling guilt. You are not talking about stolen children. Why should anyone feel guilty about taking a child in and giving them a loving home?
And please share your research that most kids are better off with their bio parents.

Bio parents have many rights which they exercise. They exercised their right to have sex, then their right to carry the child to term, and then their right to give the child up for adoption. These are all decisions which have consequences. Consequences for which they are accountable. I am sure they feel sad and guilty as adults but I am not sure why you think that is the problem of the adoptive parent.
These sad women should feel heartened by the fact that they made the best decision they knew how in the moment and that their child is hopefully out there somewhere happy and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

Your level of ignorance and hatred is staggering.

Staggering.

[Anonymous]

Kids are better off with bio parents, and everyone knows this including the pro-adoption crowd. That is why adoptive parents always live in fear that their "child" will want to find their real parents and will love their real parents better, because they know in their hearts that bio families have a profound bond. As a woman who has carried and given birth to a child the whole idea of adoption fills me with a cold dread. I honestly think any woman who's done the same would be against adoption bc it is just so unthinkable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

Your level of ignorance and hatred is staggering.

Staggering.

Agreed. DCUM just reached a new low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always been pro bio parent.
I once listened to a radio broadcast about women who gave their kids up for adoption. They interviewed them later in life around age 50 or so. To make a long story short, when I got to work, I could barely get out of the car since I was crying so loudly. It was heart breaking to hear how so many had this sense of loss. They often said that they hoped that their child would simply appear around a corner or behind a door. Almost all said they would never have given the child up i they knew how painful it would have been.
If I were an adoptive parent I would feel so much guilt if I knew that the bio parents were suffering like this.
The system is abusive and it has to stop. The research showing that in the end, most kids are better off with their bio parents.
I also claim that the research on post abortion stress is skewed to support that practice. We hear what we want and we believe what we want.

These women were part of a system that used to be very different than it is now. Today there are many agencies that are non-profit, that provide intensive counseling to all parties, that advocate open adoption, that strive to ensure that all parties are aware of their choices and the meaning of their decision. It is far different than the system of 30 years ago or more that advocated closed adoption and told women they would "forget about it."

If you are basing your entire opinion on a single radio show, and you've done no other research, spoke to no one in the adoption triad, then you are judging people on the basis of nothing and making an uninformed opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are better off with bio parents, and everyone knows this including the pro-adoption crowd. That is why adoptive parents always live in fear that their "child" will want to find their real parents and will love their real parents better, because they know in their hearts that bio families have a profound bond. As a woman who has carried and given birth to a child the whole idea of adoption fills me with a cold dread. I honestly think any woman who's done the same would be against adoption bc it is just so unthinkable to me.

This is pure ignorance. I am a bio mom with secondary infertility and I am in the process of adoption with a non-profit agency. It is not a decision we made lightly. Unlike you, I have experience that informs my opinion - I've taken education courses, read extensively, know adopters and adoptive parents personally, and met many additional birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees through my classes. Their experience, related to me firsthand, does not fit your narrative. But that is because you have NO idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Read this and tell me this little girl was better off with her biological father than being adopted.
[/b]
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/480750.page

I guess you forgot to read about the case where and adoptive dad left his toddler in the hot car and kid died-it was in Virginia and part of the reason why Russia banned adoptions to the US!

Russia banned US adoptions in retailiation for the Magnitsky Bill, not because of this tragic accident.