S/o: If your spouse was cheating, would you want to know?

[Anonymous]

I would want to know either way so I know how much I want to emotionally invest in this person. Whether a one night stand or long term affair, dishonesty, weakness and lack of commitment/integrity is a show stopper. I don't want to spend the rest of my life weaving dreams of life with him if he is a cheater. Period

I am just surprised at some of the answers on this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. I don't know. Probably not. If our family life was still good I think I would be just fine. If shit was going south at home then I would probably guess and leave but I don't want to rip apart a nice family life because he's discreetly engaging in infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know either way so I know how much I want to emotionally invest in this person. Whether a one night stand or long term affair, dishonesty, weakness and lack of commitment/integrity is a show stopper. I don't want to spend the rest of my life weaving dreams of life with him if he is a cheater. Period

I am just surprised at some of the answers on this thread

It sounds like you are young and maybe not married yet or at least do not have kids?

I would not have wanted to know when my kids were younger. I would have wanted to end the marriage, and the effect on the kids would have been awful. Now that the kids are older, yes, I would want to know because ending the marriage would have less disastrous consequences.

[Anonymous]

No. Why would I want to destroy my world? Ignorance is bliss.

[Anonymous]

I would want him to tell me and bring her to our place for threesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked?

[Anonymous]

On the one hand, I fantasize about it. (Literally. Sometimes while we're having sex.) On the other hand, the reality would probably destroy me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked?

Move on, your AP is feeding you lies. His marriage is not a wreck, he is still getting it often at home, she is even a great cook and his best friend. You on the other hand are no more that a piece of ass. I love how pissed the OW get when wife gets pregnant. I am sure it was just one drunken night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked?

Move on, your AP is feeding you lies. His marriage is not a wreck, he is still getting it often at home, she is even a great cook and his best friend. You on the other hand are no more that a piece of ass. I love how pissed the OW get when wife gets pregnant. I am sure it was just one drunken night.

Put down your hammer, everything isn't a nail. And I'm sorry your husband cheated. But maybe talk to someone before he does it again.

[Anonymous]

I would want to know. It would not destroy my life. I wouldn't even hate him... I would be sad that he is destroying his life, is would be the same as if I found out he was an alcoholic or drug addict.

I would move on and live my life well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked?

Move on, your AP is feeding you lies. His marriage is not a wreck, he is still getting it often at home, she is even a great cook and his best friend. You on the other hand are no more that a piece of ass. I love how pissed the OW get when wife gets pregnant. I am sure it was just one drunken night.

Put down your hammer, everything isn't a nail. And I'm sorry your husband cheated. But maybe talk to someone before he does it again.

My H is not a cheater, but many of my friends are pathetic OW. Each dumped and devastated when they were busted. All need therapy, lots of it.

They are really smart girls but buy all the lies. It baffling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked?

It's actually more than one study. There was one out of UC Irvine, too. Plus there is this little nugget from Psychology Today, July 2012:

"Studies indeed show that relationship dissatisfaction is associated with engaging in extramarital sex. But there's evidence that in almost two-thirds of cases, marital problems are the effect, not the cause, of extramarital involvements. Further, affairs themselves skew perceptions of the marriage. Once infidelity has occurred, partners tend to look back on their primary relationship and see it as having been flawed all along—an attempt to reduce cognitive dissonance."

If you were actually to do any research, you might educate yourself. I know - it is scary to learn new things. I am beginning to think that you must be having an affair. Finding out that your affair is your own fault could cause someone's head to explode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked?

It's actually more than one study. There was one out of UC Irvine, too. Plus there is this little nugget from Psychology Today, July 2012:

"Studies indeed show that relationship dissatisfaction is associated with engaging in extramarital sex. But there's evidence that in almost two-thirds of cases, marital problems are the effect, not the cause, of extramarital involvements. Further, affairs themselves skew perceptions of the marriage. Once infidelity has occurred, partners tend to look back on their primary relationship and see it as having been flawed all along—an attempt to reduce cognitive dissonance."

If you were actually to do any research, you might educate yourself. I know - it is scary to learn new things. I am beginning to think that you must be having an affair. Finding out that your affair is your own fault could cause someone's head to explode.

Do you think there is only one poster who has expressed disagreement with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.

How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked?

It's actually more than one study. There was one out of UC Irvine, too. Plus there is this little nugget from Psychology Today, July 2012:

"Studies indeed show that relationship dissatisfaction is associated with engaging in extramarital sex. But there's evidence that in almost two-thirds of cases, marital problems are the effect, not the cause, of extramarital involvements. Further, affairs themselves skew perceptions of the marriage. Once infidelity has occurred, partners tend to look back on their primary relationship and see it as having been flawed all along—an attempt to reduce cognitive dissonance."

If you were actually to do any research, you might educate yourself. I know - it is scary to learn new things. I am beginning to think that you must be having an affair. Finding out that your affair is your own fault could cause someone's head to explode.

Do you think there is only one poster who has expressed disagreement with you?

Do you think there is only one poster disagreeing with you? I am not the PP and you are delusional.