S/o: If your spouse was cheating, would you want to know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm...most people would be initially embarrassed when told they have a booger hanging out of their nose but later appreciative.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough call.

On one hand I would like to left clueless, what I don't know cannot hurt me and won't hurt me. Sometimes living in a State of denial is less painful than living with the full-blown truth.

Yet, in theory I need to know because at least then I will have a clear picture of where my marriage stands.

[Anonymous]

If it's a friend or family member by all means they should tell me about the booger hanging out my nose. If it's a stranger they're not obligated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather remain clueless. Dhs job brings us a lifestyle and other opportunities to see the world that I could never dream of achieving in my own profession. Of really rather remain blissfully ignorant in order to keep the lifestyle.

....it sure is the world's oldest profession...no matter how institutionalized some people package it....

[Anonymous]

I say "yes" but the reality is that ignorance is bliss. It would depend on the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely want to know, and my close friends know this. I would hope if a stranger found out she would also be in the 'I'd want to know' camp and tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

[Anonymous]

Probably not, unless it was a full blown affair. It doesn't raise my heart rate if he were to screw another woman. Monogamy is for the birds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather remain clueless. Dhs job brings us a lifestyle and other opportunities to see the world that I could never dream of achieving in my own profession. Of really rather remain blissfully ignorant in order to keep the lifestyle.

I am a DH and feel the same way. Why break up a good thing over the something as common as infidelity? If it were a years long affair and she wasn't in love with me, different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a man would want to know if his wife was cheating.

DH here: I think this is right. Not saying I would pull the plug on the marriage necessarily, but if she is having the opportunity to enjoy hot extramarital sex I would want the same.

DH here too, my initial reaction was that I wouldn't want to know, but I like your logic. Would definitely want to know so I could cash in my own get out of jail free card.

[Anonymous]

Of course! I'd want to know if she has a hot body (I'm picky) and if she's open to odd numbers.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair. You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.

I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/

So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.