Reply to S/o: If your spouse was cheating, would you want to know?

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Reply to "S/o: If your spouse was cheating, would you want to know?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A one night stand, protection used? No. An ongoing love affair because our marriage was in a bad place, yes.

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But the cause of your marriage being in a bad place is the affair.  You are mixing up the cause and effect, especially given the statistical likelihood that your marriage was happy before the affair.[/quote]
I think you have it backwards. An affair is an effect, not a cause.[/quote]

Someone posted the statistic on another thread. More than 50% of men who cheat characterize their marriages as happy or very happy. You start taking your attention and intimacy away from your spouse and expend all your romantic energy on your affair partner. Then you have to demonize your spouse, because if it isn't your spouse's fault that you are cheating, that would make you a bad person, and you cannot possible be a bad person in your own eyes.

Seriously, your cause and effect are completely wrong. You are spouting nonsense that has been debunked/[/quote]
So that one not very convincing statistic doesn't change my mind. An affair is an effect. It's fine if others disagree.[/quote]

I humbly submit that "facts" are better than your "opinion." I understand that many people cannot accept facts that directly contradict their own opinions, and I feel sorry that they are so intellectually stunted.[/quote]
How are you going to feel when the 'facts' in the one study you are hanging your life on are debunked? [/quote]

It's actually more than one study. There was one out of UC Irvine, too. Plus there is this little nugget from Psychology Today, July 2012:

"Studies indeed show that relationship dissatisfaction is associated with engaging in extramarital sex. But there's evidence that in almost two-thirds of cases, marital problems are the effect, not the cause, of extramarital involvements. Further, affairs themselves skew perceptions of the marriage. Once infidelity has occurred, partners tend to look back on their primary relationship and see it as having been flawed all along—an attempt to reduce cognitive dissonance."

If you were actually to do any research, you might educate yourself. I know - it is scary to learn new things. I am beginning to think that you must be having an affair. Finding out that your affair is your own fault could cause someone's head to explode.

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