s/o the s/o thread... On the "outsourcing" of sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married but I dont plan on sleeping with my husband a lot when I get married. I can get myself off whenever I feel like it and generally find that guys are pretty clueless during sex.

If I met someone who was a master in the bedroom, maybe my opinion would change.

But if it doesnt, I can get myself off and expect husband to do the same.

If he wants to step out of the marriage I really dont care as long as it doesnt affect the resources he gives to me and the children,

And I would think he was pathetic for needing to do that, but whatever.. men are dogs.

A few other posters picked on you - while I think you would be an extraordinarily bad match for me personally, I think it's actually pretty great you are this self-aware and you have zero to apologize for with this attitude. That is, as long as you are as up front and clear with a future potential husband. Many high-libido guys probably won't be as interested, but there are plenty of guys who would be fine with only having sex enough to have kids.

It depends how hot she is and how much money she makes and has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of things that are important to me, that my spouse doesnt do. As a SAHM, I would love if my husband would play with the kids more, make more money, do more chores- but part of being in a marriage is you dont get to just pick an ultimatum and say arbitrarily, "You MUST do this or I dont feel loved and our marriage is over!"

Sex is not like those other things. And you can make your own damn money.

Plenty of men and women do all the extra little stuff and are still in sexless marriages. There's always an excuse, always something that's a priority.

To the PPs who said that an affair is wrong because it isn't discussed- if you're not interested in having sex with your spouse, would you AGREE to let him/her have sex outside your marriage if he/she asked permission?

Please re-read the post you are responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married but I dont plan on sleeping with my husband a lot when I get married. I can get myself off whenever I feel like it and generally find that guys are pretty clueless during sex.

If I met someone who was a master in the bedroom, maybe my opinion would change.

But if it doesnt, I can get myself off and expect husband to do the same.

If he wants to step out of the marriage I really dont care as long as it doesnt affect the resources he gives to me and the children,

And I would think he was pathetic for needing to do that, but whatever.. men are dogs.

and you wonder why no man has taken you off the market yet? jesus.h.christ you are one fucked in the head harpie

[Anonymous]

So.. To the wives (or husbands) who hold sex as currency: if your partner got you a cleaning service (or nanny), would you consider an open marriage?

To the ones who just don't want sex, would you consider an open marriage?why or why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of things that are important to me, that my spouse doesnt do. As a SAHM, I would love if my husband would play with the kids more, make more money, do more chores- but part of being in a marriage is you dont get to just pick an ultimatum and say arbitrarily, "You MUST do this or I dont feel loved and our marriage is over!"

Sex is not like those other things. And you can make your own damn money.

Plenty of men and women do all the extra little stuff and are still in sexless marriages. There's always an excuse, always something that's a priority.

To the PPs who said that an affair is wrong because it isn't discussed- if you're not interested in having sex with your spouse, would you AGREE to let him/her have sex outside your marriage if he/she asked permission?

Please re-read the post you are responding to.

I think PP Is responding to one post, as well as the whole thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married but I dont plan on sleeping with my husband a lot when I get married. I can get myself off whenever I feel like it and generally find that guys are pretty clueless during sex.

If I met someone who was a master in the bedroom, maybe my opinion would change.

But if it doesnt, I can get myself off and expect husband to do the same.

If he wants to step out of the marriage I really dont care as long as it doesnt affect the resources he gives to me and the children,

And I would think he was pathetic for needing to do that, but whatever.. men are dogs.

My dream girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married but I dont plan on sleeping with my husband a lot when I get married. I can get myself off whenever I feel like it and generally find that guys are pretty clueless during sex.

If I met someone who was a master in the bedroom, maybe my opinion would change.

But if it doesnt, I can get myself off and expect husband to do the same.

If he wants to step out of the marriage I really dont care as long as it doesnt affect the resources he gives to me and the children,

And I would think he was pathetic for needing to do that, but whatever.. men are dogs.

- 99% of DCUM women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsourcing sex = DIVORCE

Word to the sex fiends, there is more to a marriage than marathon humping. You want results without the infection, HANDle it.

x2

But this is my point exactly.

If sex is important to your partner as an emotional connection, and you view it as no more than marathon humping, why is them finding it outside so clear cut worthy of divorce? If it's worth a divorce, wouldn't uou help that need be met?

There are lots of things that are important to me, that my spouse doesnt do. As a SAHM, I would love if my husband would play with the kids more, make more money, do more chores- but part of being in a marriage is you dont get to just pick an ultimatum and say arbitrarily, "You MUST do this or I dont feel loved and our marriage is over!"

Spoken like a true, "entitled" cunt.

[Anonymous]

Wishing your husband would make more money is not equal to wishing your wife would desire you sexually.

Sometimes work life is difficult. But, if you're not having sex in marriage, it's not really a marriage and you are cheating.

Having sex elsewhere is cheating.
Regularly denying your spouse is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading some of these threads, especially the one about spouses who are not providing emotional and physical support to their partners.

This is not really a flip question.. I'm genuinely curiously hear responses. Yes, the question is certainly provocative, but I always thing it's interesting for people to face their own biases.

If you are unwilling to provide your partner sex, why is it such a problem for them to outsource (so to speak) to another person? Many things in many households, which are considered important are outsourced in order to keep the peace/ ease responsibility: food prep, child care, cleaning, etc. but it's absolutely verboten to consider sex a need that needs to be filled.

Why, if sex is not that important TO YOU (but to your partner), is it such a taboo that they meet that need elsewhere? If you agree that it's something sacred in a relationship, why do you deny it to your partner?

I'm a female, and I agree that my body is not "at the disposal" of my DH. That being said, if I didn't feed him for a week, is expect him to find food. Likewise water. Sex is identified as a hierarchical need- so how can we meet that need or ensure it's met? It outsourcing such a problem if you refuse to meet that need?

DW here. I think that if one partner is not providing for the needs of the other that way (and I don't mean compromise where one partner wants sex every day and the other once a week and they compromise on every other day, but a true drought that so many posters here mention), they should be willing to either provide sex themselves or open the marriage. Or be prepared for cheating and/or divorce. To me, trying to meet basic needs of your spouse is an integral part of marriage. If you are not doing it, your marriage is failing. I've been together with DH a long time, we have children and very busy lives. However, I make sure to make regular marital fun a priority because that's important and keeps the marriage healthy.

I think people object to outsourcing that part, so to speak, because sex has a much different level of intimacy and emotional importance than cleaning the house or detailing the car. But I think it's very unfair to not provide any of it yourself and yet deny the spouse its pleasure elsewhere. Clearly, if DW (or DH, I suppose) is not giving any sex to their spouse, sex is not important to them in general or they don't find their spouse attractive. So they should be OK with the spouse stepping out and giving something they themselves don't value (his/her body) elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading some of these threads, especially the one about spouses who are not providing emotional and physical support to their partners.

This is not really a flip question.. I'm genuinely curiously hear responses. Yes, the question is certainly provocative, but I always thing it's interesting for people to face their own biases.

If you are unwilling to provide your partner sex, why is it such a problem for them to outsource (so to speak) to another person? Many things in many households, which are considered important are outsourced in order to keep the peace/ ease responsibility: food prep, child care, cleaning, etc. but it's absolutely verboten to consider sex a need that needs to be filled.

Why, if sex is not that important TO YOU (but to your partner), is it such a taboo that they meet that need elsewhere? If you agree that it's something sacred in a relationship, why do you deny it to your partner?

I'm a female, and I agree that my body is not "at the disposal" of my DH. That being said, if I didn't feed him for a week, is expect him to find food. Likewise water. Sex is identified as a hierarchical need- so how can we meet that need or ensure it's met? It outsourcing such a problem if you refuse to meet that need?

Are you drunk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading some of these threads, especially the one about spouses who are not providing emotional and physical support to their partners.

This is not really a flip question.. I'm genuinely curiously hear responses. Yes, the question is certainly provocative, but I always thing it's interesting for people to face their own biases.

If you are unwilling to provide your partner sex, why is it such a problem for them to outsource (so to speak) to another person? Many things in many households, which are considered important are outsourced in order to keep the peace/ ease responsibility: food prep, child care, cleaning, etc. but it's absolutely verboten to consider sex a need that needs to be filled.

Why, if sex is not that important TO YOU (but to your partner), is it such a taboo that they meet that need elsewhere? If you agree that it's something sacred in a relationship, why do you deny it to your partner?

I'm a female, and I agree that my body is not "at the disposal" of my DH. That being said, if I didn't feed him for a week, is expect him to find food. Likewise water. Sex is identified as a hierarchical need- so how can we meet that need or ensure it's met? It outsourcing such a problem if you refuse to meet that need?

Are you drunk?

Are you stupid and uneducated? You never consider psychology, relationships, the human condition (even your own) as an interesting topic of exploration or discussion?

Let me guess. You don't put out, would never consider (even to yourself) why or why not you don't, why or why not your partner might stray, and just expect life to go on as you expect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married but I dont plan on sleeping with my husband a lot when I get married. I can get myself off whenever I feel like it and generally find that guys are pretty clueless during sex.

If I met someone who was a master in the bedroom, maybe my opinion would change.

But if it doesnt, I can get myself off and expect husband to do the same.

If he wants to step out of the marriage I really dont care as long as it doesnt affect the resources he gives to me and the children,

And I would think he was pathetic for needing to do that, but whatever.. men are dogs.

I hope you never marry. The poor guy...

I think it is OK if she marries as long as she is as candid with him about her feelings about sex as she is here on this website. Anything else is deception and I'd agree with you in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH, going to an open marriage saved my marriage.

Sex is difficult for me due to some physical and emotional issues. So allowing him to outsource that has removed the resentment of him not getting it and the resentment of him always asking me for it.

We have a strong marraige despite that issue.

So when you agreed to an open marriage, did you stop working on your physical and emotional issues?

Not much I can do about the physical stuff.

A lot of my emotional baggage stemmed from the fact that I was unable to have sex with my DH in the way that I wanted. Despite his undying support, I felt guilt and that permeated the rest of our marriage. I have seen therapists for years - but taking sex off the table has eased my guilt and decreased the resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married but I dont plan on sleeping with my husband a lot when I get married. I can get myself off whenever I feel like it and generally find that guys are pretty clueless during sex.

If I met someone who was a master in the bedroom, maybe my opinion would change.

But if it doesnt, I can get myself off and expect husband to do the same.

If he wants to step out of the marriage I really dont care as long as it doesnt affect the resources he gives to me and the children,

And I would think he was pathetic for needing to do that, but whatever.. men are dogs.

Just curious...assuming this is a real post I mean...but would you be articulating this to your future DH before he becomes your DH? Or or you planning to have, uh, normal sex with him until he's financially attached to you and then cut him off?