Reply to s/o the s/o thread... On the "outsourcing" of sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been reading some of these threads, especially the one about spouses who are not providing emotional and physical support to their partners.

This is not really a flip question.. I'm genuinely curiously hear responses. Yes, the question is certainly provocative, but I always thing it's interesting for people to face their own biases.

If you are unwilling to provide your partner sex, why is it such a problem for them to outsource (so to speak) to another person? Many things in many households, which are considered important are outsourced in order to keep the peace/ ease responsibility: food prep, child care, cleaning, etc. but it's absolutely verboten to consider sex a need that needs to be filled.

Why, if sex is not that important TO YOU (but to your partner), is it such a taboo that they meet that need elsewhere? If you agree that it's something sacred in a relationship, why do you deny it to your partner?

I'm a female, and I agree that my body is not "at the disposal" of my DH. That being said, if I didn't feed him for a week, is expect him to find food. Likewise water. Sex is identified as a hierarchical need- so how can we meet that need or ensure it's met? It outsourcing such a problem if you refuse to meet that need? [/quote]

DW here. I think that if one partner is not providing for the needs of the other that way (and I don't mean compromise where one partner wants sex every day and the other once a week and they compromise on every other day, but a true drought that so many posters here mention), they should be willing to either provide sex themselves or open the marriage. Or be prepared for cheating and/or divorce. To me, trying to meet basic needs of your spouse is an integral part of marriage. If you are not doing it, your marriage is failing. I've been together with DH a long time, we have children and very busy lives. However, I make sure to make regular marital fun a priority because that's important and keeps the marriage healthy.

I think people object to outsourcing that part, so to speak, because sex has a much different level of intimacy and emotional importance than cleaning the house or detailing the car. But I think it's very unfair to not provide any of it yourself and yet deny the spouse its pleasure elsewhere. Clearly, if DW (or DH, I suppose) is not giving any sex to their spouse, sex is not important to them in general or they don't find their spouse attractive. So they should be OK with the spouse stepping out and giving something they themselves don't value (his/her body) elsewhere. [/quote]

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