Boyfriend confronted me about what I wore to meet female friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be open and honest with him:

"I told you about the incident with the senior citizen so that we could laugh together. You are frightening me and weirding me out with your controlling behavior. Please stop and consider an apology."

This is a great response.

[Anonymous]

OP, I find it hard to believe that he's never done anything like this in 7 yrs. Perhaps smaller incidents, ones you've forgotten/forgive, etc. One doesn't typically turn into a controlling jerk suddenly with no prior warning. The texting you and then refusing to discuss it? Totally controlling and he did it because he knew he'd ruin your day and cause you to worry or stew about it. He could easily have waited, or responded to you. Telling you about 'smelling available' and all of that other stuff? Definitely not OK. The fact that he has a chronic illness is totally irrelevant here. That's no excuse to treat you this way. I'd definitely discuss it with him, not change your behavior in any way, and keep an eye out for the emergence of stronger (because I doubt they're new) patterns of the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I find it hard to believe that he's never done anything like this in 7 yrs. Perhaps smaller incidents, ones you've forgotten/forgive, etc. One doesn't typically turn into a controlling jerk suddenly with no prior warning. The texting you and then refusing to discuss it? Totally controlling and he did it because he knew he'd ruin your day and cause you to worry or stew about it. He could easily have waited, or responded to you. Telling you about 'smelling available' and all of that other stuff? Definitely not OK. The fact that he has a chronic illness is totally irrelevant here. That's no excuse to treat you this way. I'd definitely discuss it with him, not change your behavior in any way, and keep an eye out for the emergence of stronger (because I doubt they're new) patterns of the same.

x2. Or told you in the moment that it bothered him. But honestly, that is a moment in a relationship where maturity comes in. You might consider getting offended that your GF is going out and looking cute, but whats the alternative? Locking her up? Making her feel like shit? Truthfully, a healthy, mature person would not make a big deal out of this at any point, and certainly not right after you've gone to work.

I agree with the PP. Please examine your history with him. This is a definite red flag for me, particularly the timing of it all and refusal to discuss it further after dropping his bomb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's about the fact that you told him a man chased you into the parking lot to give you his phone number. That's the type of thing you laugh about with your girlfriends. NOT the type of thing you tell your boyfriend.

Not necessarily. My bf and I spend NYE apart (he was out I town) and I went out with friend. I had a guy hit on me and ask for my number and offer his. Nothing happened, I didn't give my number nor took his. First thing I told my bf when we talk the next day was the story about the guy. I knew he'd get a kick out of it and he did.
It's all about security. My bf is very secure in himself and this stuff doesn't bother him. He's proud and gets a kick out of it when guys look at me or hit on me. He knows I wouldn't stray.

[Anonymous]

I can relate. My wife was doing nothing wrong, but I remember getting pangs of jealousy when my wife went out, looking nice, during a period where: 1) wife & I weren't having much sex; 2) wife fell asleep when hanging out with me but couldn't stay up when going out with friends; 3) wife made an effort to look nice when going out but was always frumpy around me; and 4) I was having a let down after a big project at work had concluded.

I got my bearings back at work and my wife & I started having more sex. No more problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here,

Some guys get really insecure when they finally realize that their women are starting to have fun and be 'out there' more. Personally, I think he thinks you are his little 'project' and so has a right to control what you do for fun, how you do it, and how others see you.

Personally, if my woman came home and told me that, I would play along by writing my number on a piece of paper when she is not looking, along with a sneaky note to say the 70 year old needs Viagra, but I am always ready for you. After making love, I would do something nice by going out and getting you another top just like the one you wore.

That's how you make a woman feel secure in her relationship and keep her attracted to you, instead of trying to legislate her life!

So this is where I offer you my email and give you the option to jump ship while you can before it's much too late. I am single....

Awww you are sweet (and I'm married)

Thanks, and at least you do get the point. OP needs a proper alpha male who is secure in himself while she is young. Seems she is in love with someone who doesn't make her happy.

Question for OP: What sort of 'chronic illness' prevents a man from going out with his woman, but makes him go out otherwise (to work or elsewhere)? I am no medical doctor but I do have a PhD....can't think of any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here,

Some guys get really insecure when they finally realize that their women are starting to have fun and be 'out there' more. Personally, I think he thinks you are his little 'project' and so has a right to control what you do for fun, how you do it, and how others see you.

Personally, if my woman came home and told me that, I would play along by writing my number on a piece of paper when she is not looking, along with a sneaky note to say the 70 year old needs Viagra, but I am always ready for you. After making love, I would do something nice by going out and getting you another top just like the one you wore.

That's how you make a woman feel secure in her relationship and keep her attracted to you, instead of trying to legislate her life!

So this is where I offer you my email and give you the option to jump ship while you can before it's much too late. I am single....

Awww you are sweet (and I'm married)

Thanks, and at least you do get the point. OP needs a proper alpha male who is secure in himself while she is young. Seems she is in love with someone who doesn't make her happy.

Question for OP: What sort of 'chronic illness' prevents a man from going out with his woman, but makes him go out otherwise (to work or elsewhere)? I am no medical doctor but I do have a PhD....can't think of any.

I have generally controlled RA. I still work FT but when I am having a flare up, i am completely wiped out by 5 pm and cannot do the whole going out thing. If OP's BF has an autoimmune disease that isn't controlled, I can see him having a lot of fatigue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be open and honest with him:

"I told you about the incident with the senior citizen so that we could laugh together. You are frightening me and weirding me out with your controlling behavior. Please stop and consider an apology."

This is a great response.

I need the name of your therapist. Spot on.

[Anonymous]

OP, if something like this has never happened before, this is how you handle it: you laugh it off. Since this is the first time this happens, it's important to set the standard of how you will respond to this kind of behavior. The way you respond to this kind of behavior with a man who is just having a bad week and is not a controlling asshole is you refuse to take it seriously.

It takes two people to have a conflict. One has to start, yes, but another has to acknowledge it by taking it seriously. I would refuse to take it seriously and basically send a subtle message that he's being a baby. When you come home, don't discuss it and act as if nothing happened. If he start again, pat him bum or kiss the top of his head and say, aww, honey are you jealous? You know that 70-year old would have big boots to fill, right? what do you want for dinner? and continue with your day. Refuse to engage, refuse to give this hissy fit credit by taking it seriously. If he continues, just say sternly that you're done talking about it and when that rod slides out of his bum, you'll be ready to talk. Hopefully he'll get the message that when he tries to tantrum like this, he gets treated like a baby. You have the power to run this interaction. Don't give it up.

[Anonymous]

Why do you idiot millennials try to have serious conversations over text message???

[Anonymous]

be careful OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here,

Some guys get really insecure when they finally realize that their women are starting to have fun and be 'out there' more. Personally, I think he thinks you are his little 'project' and so has a right to control what you do for fun, how you do it, and how others see you.

Personally, if my woman came home and told me that, I would play along by writing my number on a piece of paper when she is not looking, along with a sneaky note to say the 70 year old needs Viagra, but I am always ready for you. After making love, I would do something nice by going out and getting you another top just like the one you wore.

That's how you make a woman feel secure in her relationship and keep her attracted to you, instead of trying to legislate her life!

So this is where I offer you my email and give you the option to jump ship while you can before it's much too late. I am single....

Awww you are sweet (and I'm married)

Thanks, and at least you do get the point. OP needs a proper alpha male who is secure in himself while she is young. Seems she is in love with someone who doesn't make her happy.

Question for OP: What sort of 'chronic illness' prevents a man from going out with his woman, but makes him go out otherwise (to work or elsewhere)? I am no medical doctor but I do have a PhD....can't think of any.

I have generally controlled RA. I still work FT but when I am having a flare up, i am completely wiped out by 5 pm and cannot do the whole going out thing. If OP's BF has an autoimmune disease that isn't controlled, I can see him having a lot of fatigue.

Weekends.....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's about the fact that you told him a man chased you into the parking lot to give you his phone number. That's the type of thing you laugh about with your girlfriends. NOT the type of thing you tell your boyfriend.

My boyfriend would find it hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is insecure. Until HE realizes this and wants to make a change, you will be dealing with more of this shit.

You are your own person. He should control what you wear out.

Has he done anything similar in the past?

I am a guy. I understand his feelings. I am also impartial (I don't know the couple). So, I also understand her side of the story.

But...listen.....first stop adding fuel to the fire. Help her understand you idiot, and not make things worse. Okay?

Let me explain. First, it is natural for him to feel a sense of jealousy. He has a condition that prevents him from going out. He will feel insecure. Second, there are a LOT of cues to the story that you (person I am quoting, not OP) simply weren't able to pick up on for whatever reason. GF found it funny that a 70 year old man was chasing her. She laughed. Laughing is a positive thing. Makes people feel good. He made her feel good. Plus, she somehow was able to distinguish 60 from 70, so they spoke. There was a conversation somewhere. So his feelings are natural, albeit most likely misplaced. For Christ's sake, give him some slack.

Its you bitches like this poster that I am quoting that refuse to give gender equality. If the story was about MILF chasing a dude out of whatever steakhouse, you'd probably say it was the dude's fault.

If a woman was insecure, you woiuldn't blame the woman for insecurity, you'd say that the guy made her that way. Swear to god. Until you decide to be fair, your own problems with men will never be solved. Its that simple. World is filled with idiots no matter what you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here,

Some guys get really insecure when they finally realize that their women are starting to have fun and be 'out there' more. Personally, I think he thinks you are his little 'project' and so has a right to control what you do for fun, how you do it, and how others see you.

Personally, if my woman came home and told me that, I would play along by writing my number on a piece of paper when she is not looking, along with a sneaky note to say the 70 year old needs Viagra, but I am always ready for you. After making love, I would do something nice by going out and getting you another top just like the one you wore.

That's how you make a woman feel secure in her relationship and keep her attracted to you, instead of trying to legislate her life!

So this is where I offer you my email and give you the option to jump ship while you can before it's much too late. I am single....

Awww you are sweet (and I'm married)

Thanks, and at least you do get the point. OP needs a proper alpha male who is secure in himself while she is young. Seems she is in love with someone who doesn't make her happy.



Question for OP: What sort of 'chronic illness' prevents a man from going out with his woman, but makes him go out otherwise (to work or elsewhere)? I am no medical doctor but I do have a PhD....can't think of any.

I have generally controlled RA. I still work FT but when I am having a flare up, i am completely wiped out by 5 pm and cannot do the whole going out thing. If OP's BF has an autoimmune disease that isn't controlled, I can see him having a lot of fatigue.

Weekends.....?

Listen PhD, I have one too. Ever consider something like eczema? Epilepsy, siezures? MS? What the hell does it matter? Trying to be Dr. House? that isnt the point here.