husband becoming gun fanatic

[Anonymous]

"

Ryan Owens died that night at the age of three. His father s backup service weapon fired the fatal shot.

It is unclear whether Ryan -- or his 11-year-old stepsister -- accidentally pulled the trigger. The girl was alone with the little boy in the master bedroom, where Ed Owens kept the loaded weapon more than three feet off the ground in a locked safe.

You can t get those images out of your head, Ed Owens said, fighting back tears and losing the battle. There are some things a parent should never have to experience.

Kristie Owens said: Never once did either of us think that maybe the safe wasn t safe. We just assumed it worked and functioned as promised and intended.

http://www.kens5.com/story/local/2014/12/20/10376276/

[Anonymous]

All the shootings and gun accidents are just accidents, and not pertinent.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm just not willing to risk my child being killed just so I can indulge a hobby

[Anonymous]

This hits close to home (not pun intended). My husband took up shooting as a hobby and I told him I didn't want a gun around our kids and to not buy one. He got one anyway. I don't even bring it up because it is a sore subject. He doesn't say he's going to go shoot at the shooting range. He just goes somewhere else he tells me about and then probably goes shooting after. I don't like it one bit. He keeps it in the car. My dad had a rifle that he kept out in the open and occasionally hunted which I was fine with, but my husband is secretive about it. What does he have to hide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have guns and kids over constantly. No one has ever asked.

They are in the safe which I can't even open much less the kids.

OP you will be fine. But clearly you should divorce him.

You should be letting people know proactively, not waiting for them to ask. Oh, I would be pissed if my kids were playing in a house with guns and you didn't disclose that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This hits close to home (not pun intended). My husband took up shooting as a hobby and I told him I didn't want a gun around our kids and to not buy one. He got one anyway. I don't even bring it up because it is a sore subject. He doesn't say he's going to go shoot at the shooting range. He just goes somewhere else he tells me about and then probably goes shooting after. I don't like it one bit. He keeps it in the car. My dad had a rifle that he kept out in the open and occasionally hunted which I was fine with, but my husband is secretive about it. What does he have to hide?

I hope your kids are never in that car. Or have access to the keys to that car. Grow a spine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have guns and kids over constantly. No one has ever asked.

They are in the safe which I can't even open much less the kids.

OP you will be fine. But clearly you should divorce him.

You should be letting people know proactively, not waiting for them to ask. Oh, I would be pissed if my kids were playing in a house with guns and you didn't disclose that fact.

Uh, yeah, no.

I don't tell my pediatrician either. Crap, bunch of busybodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the shootings and gun accidents are just accidents, and not pertinent.

Is this sarcasm? My meter's off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This hits close to home (not pun intended). My husband took up shooting as a hobby and I told him I didn't want a gun around our kids and to not buy one. He got one anyway. I don't even bring it up because it is a sore subject. He doesn't say he's going to go shoot at the shooting range. He just goes somewhere else he tells me about and then probably goes shooting after. I don't like it one bit. He keeps it in the car. My dad had a rifle that he kept out in the open and occasionally hunted which I was fine with, but my husband is secretive about it. What does he have to hide?

I hope your kids are never in that car. Or have access to the keys to that car. Grow a spine.

I hope he has a concealed carry permit. He's hiding it bc you don't approve and can't even bring up the subject. You should never drive that car don't let anyone else borrow it.

[Anonymous]

OP, this thread has gone predictably, but here is some actual advice from someone who has BTDT, I hope you are still reading. My DH also has guns as a hobby, he shoots with friends at the range monthly, and is under no illusions about using them for defense against home invasions or such bullshit, which makes my life easier bc he's OK with the idea of keeping them out of the main living area. I personally hate the idea of having guns in the house and would rather we didn't because I know too much about suicide (in a former life I did research on mental health). But he is firm on it for his own reasons. Marriage, whaddya gonna do

If you go all "omg I hate guns lock them up up up" it is likely to backfire on you bc he'll think of safety as a thing that anti-gun people want to impose on him. So you have to learn to work with the gun culture here--there is a powerful strain of "safety first" within it and you have to get him tapped into that strain and not the black-helicopter, loaded-gun-in-glove-compartment-and-under-pillow strain. Read Gun Guys by Dan Baum to learn more. It's a great book for gun skeptics to learn about gun culture.

I treat it like any other safety issue. It's a known risk factor at our house and we are aware and take precautions, just as we would if we had a pool or stairs or a dog, just as we do around bathtime and in the car. Half of america owns guns and while people do die of "accidents," it's not millions of people dying of them, so it is possible to live safely with them. Oh and we answer friends' and pediatrician's questions honestly. The whole "OMG IT IS A SECRET! YOU HAVE NO BIZNESS KNOWING! I WILL LIE TO YOU EVERY TIME!" is what I'd call the "crazy" strain of gun culture. Anyone concerned about safety is fine talking about what they do to stay safe.

My advice to you is to accept this as his new thing and come to a peace with it to keep the lines of communication open. Get a basic level of familiarity with them yourself so when you do speak about safety you 1. know what you're talking about 2. are able to understand what he's talking about and 3. have credibility with him. Nothing is more annoying than a person with no knowledge telling you, who does have knowledge, what you should do and how you should act (think Republicans and reproductive rights, white people telling blacks to get over racism already, etc). SO don't be that person--get knowledge. After you read the book (have I mentioned it is fabulous--IT IS FABULOUS), ask him to take you shooting so you know how to handle the dangerous tools in your house.

If you can even work with him a little on this hobby, keep him talking to you about it, keep the lines of communication open, it can help you keep him in the "safety first" camp and out of the crazies camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up without guns and don't see the need, although I'm not opposed to them or anything. Just not in my house, I guess. But DH is getting more and more into them, buying without telling me and such. His wish list for Christmas includes laser sights and things like that. We have a young child and he thinks it's fine to introduce guns at a young age. I'm just no ok with all this and yes it's new since marriage. Anyone else experienced this?

21:28 again. All that I said in that post aside--there are a lot of red flags in your post for me. My DH was always this way, and that's how my advice there is aimed...but you are in a different boat. Yours is changing before your eyes. WHY? You need to know why. What happened to change him? Is it a new friend influencing him? Is his personality changing in other ways? As I said, I have a background in mental health, and this worries me from that angle.

I do NOT recommend you say to him that you think his newfound interest in guns is the result of a brain tumor or declining mental health. But it could be, and if it is, there will be other signs, other changes in your marriage and relationship, and you can address those separately from the gun stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This hits close to home (not pun intended). My husband took up shooting as a hobby and I told him I didn't want a gun around our kids and to not buy one. He got one anyway. I don't even bring it up because it is a sore subject. He doesn't say he's going to go shoot at the shooting range. He just goes somewhere else he tells me about and then probably goes shooting after. I don't like it one bit. He keeps it in the car. My dad had a rifle that he kept out in the open and occasionally hunted which I was fine with, but my husband is secretive about it. What does he have to hide?

21:28 yet again. Hon, it is very simple, he is hiding from YOU. Your disapproval, the tension that you bringing it up introduces in your marriage. He may even be trying to respect your wishes by keeping it in the car, in a weird sort of way. For your kids' sakes I hope he has it unloaded and in a safe with the ammo elsewhere. Honestly I could not sleep at night not knowing how he stores it or where it is in relation to my kids, which is why I take the tack I do with my DH. I do not want it to become The Secret He Keeps From Me and your story is exactly why.

[Anonymous]

My uncle hunts and has guns. He is rabid on gun safety.

I see nothing wrong with lethal weapons in the house, but it needs to come with and all-household-safety education, clear and above board, not a secretive hole-in-corner business.

And yes, the rule for playdates and such is that if someone asks, you do not lie, and you explain the safety systems in place in your house. If they don't ask, you don't disclose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please inform the parents of your children's friends about guns in your house. I would not allow my child to be in your home and would appreciate knowing in advance. Thanks.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have guns and kids over constantly. No one has ever asked.

They are in the safe which I can't even open much less the kids.

OP you will be fine. But clearly you should divorce him.

You should be letting people know proactively, not waiting for them to ask. Oh, I would be pissed if my kids were playing in a house with guns and you didn't disclose that fact.

21:28 again. If this is true, then why not ask? If you care about the safety of your kids, why would you passively trust others to volunteer the information?

I am betting that what you actually care about is not having friends who own guns, because it makes you uncomfortable. I can certainly understand that emotional reaction, I used to be like you, but to base your decisions on a gut impulse is not how adults are supposed to behave.

This is how being "proactive" as you suggest works in real life: eventually you'd hit a person who'd knee-jerk their way out of your life when they didn't have to, because they had never had the chance to think/feel their way through "wow, this person I thought was normal has guns." I have a number of friends who found out we had guns in the house after years of knowing us and it went way differently than it would have if we'd told them before they really knew and trusted us.