Am I Being Unreasonable? Annoyed with MIL

[Anonymous]

Op, I don't know how big your house is but maybe when the kids are a little older you can geta small tree just for them and you can let them decorate it with the ornaments from grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I don't know how big your house is but maybe when the kids are a little older you can geta small tree just for them and you can let them decorate it with the ornaments from grandma?

I think that's a lovely idea and a really nice tradition to establish. Consider this, OP. Growing up I always had a little tree in my room and that was very special to me. I loved going to sleep at night with the tree on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, good. Another "my MIL cares too much about my family and I'm a control freak" post. Put them on the back of the tree. Who cares? Honestly.

These are the same people who will later be posting that none of the in-laws seem interested in spending time with their kids. Because you micro-manage every.little.thing to do with your kids.

BTW if I were your DH I'd be annoyed with you over this. Grow up and get some gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Hang them in their own place of honor along the top of a doorway or someplace else. Attach them to one of those elongated linear "wreaths" - their own "tree." (or vine) That's one way to avoid having them on your tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two children - a 2 year old and a 6 month old. For our 2 year old's first Christmas, we had a baby's first ornament made with his name on it and a photo ornament with his first picture with Santa. For our 6 month old, we are doing the same thing - just haven't gotten the photo ornament made yet.

So my MIL emails me pictures of 5 ornaments she's had made. One for each of my children's Christmases. They have the year, their name, and a picture. My MIL is not crafty or detail-oriented. The pictures she chose to use are not the best and she cropped them awfully. Half of my son's face is missing in one of them. She had a set made for us and for her.

I'm annoyed. Here's why:

1) We already have ornaments for our children's first Christmases.
2) Our tree is packed with ornaments that are special to us and that we find aesthetically pleasing. Now I have to find space for 5 more with crappy photos of my kids?
3) I would have done a much better job making the ornaments myself. I'm the mom - I have tons of pictures that would have worked better than the ones she chose! And she's not good at projects like this.
4) Now what do we get the grandparents for Christmas? My plan was to make some cute photo gifts for the grandparents. But now the grandmother is making photo gifts for me? Isn't that backwards???

I only want to comment on the aesthetically pleasing bit- wait Til your kids start making ornaments. Are you going to be annoyed that those tacky things are expected to hand on your tree too?

So am I being unreasonable? Would you be annoyed? And how do I get her to stop doing this so I don't get an ugly new ornament every year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a pretty terrible daughter-in-law in the making. Indulge in a little self-introspection. Seriously. In your heart, do you WANT to be a nice person?

I am a nice person. Thanks! I just don't want something crappily done that I could have and have already done myself.

Sorry, but allowing yourself to be annoyed enough about this non-issue to fire off an enumerated list of grievances does not back up your "nice person" claim. Actions speak louder...

And what action did I take? Nothing. I emailed her back that they were beautiful. Why does it make you feel good to call somebody who you do not know a bad person? Maybe you need some introspection? hmmmm

NP here. I disagree. You have shown that you're polite and courteous, but you aren't nice. You went through all the courteous gestures to make the person feel better and then talk about how awful they are behind their back. Being nice is more than just saying the right things to their face.

As for your original question, I would personally take the ornaments that she makes and make a mobile out of them. You can hang it from the ceiling in the nursery or in the guest room where she'll stay when she visits. I usually find a way to put gifts that we like less in more out-of-the-way non-public areas of the house. That way the senders can see them when they visit, but they aren't out where everyone will see them all the time. And I rotate items before visits.

[Anonymous]

I pray that I don't get a DIL like you someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I only want to comment on the aesthetically pleasing bit- wait Til your kids start making ornaments. Are you going to be annoyed that those tacky things are expected to hand on your tree too?

Different PP. I agree. Last year, with two 2-year olds, we didn't put out most of our regular Christmas decorations because the vast majority are breakable. So my wife spent time with the kids and made a bunch of construction paper snowflakes, stars, angels and strips. The kids colored them with marker and stickers. The strips were made into loops for a chain tinsel and the rest became ornaments. This year, we bought cardboard ornaments at Michael's and the kids painted them with craft paints. We have a few more decorations out than last year and every year, we'll add more until it's safe to do Christmas decorations the way we did pre-kids.

But while I love all the crafts that my wife and kids do, the ornaments aren't very aesthetically pleasing. However they are sentimentally irreplaceable. As would be gifts from either of our parents.

[Anonymous]

I hope MIL puts a bottle of Lexapro in with the ornaments.
Sheesh -- OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pray that I don't get a DIL like you someday.

I really don't think there are that many. My DIL is wonderful! Maybe dcum just attracts the duds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound just like my ungrateful bitch of a DIL. I quit doing anything for her so I could actually live up to how she feels about me.

Kids got gifts, son got gifts, she got the finger.

I think she posted here already about your gesture...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I only want to comment on the aesthetically pleasing bit- wait Til your kids start making ornaments. Are you going to be annoyed that those tacky things are expected to hand on your tree too?

Different PP. I agree. Last year, with two 2-year olds, we didn't put out most of our regular Christmas decorations because the vast majority are breakable. So my wife spent time with the kids and made a bunch of construction paper snowflakes, stars, angels and strips. The kids colored them with marker and stickers. The strips were made into loops for a chain tinsel and the rest became ornaments. This year, we bought cardboard ornaments at Michael's and the kids painted them with craft paints. We have a few more decorations out than last year and every year, we'll add more until it's safe to do Christmas decorations the way we did pre-kids.

But while I love all the crafts that my wife and kids do, the ornaments aren't very aesthetically pleasing. However they are sentimentally irreplaceable. As would be gifts from either of our parents.

Anything the kids make is wonderful and irreplaceable.

However, if this OP has been having larger issues with her MIL, I can see that gifts from her are just triggers for thinking about her annoying MIL. It sounds like OP needs some space. She mentioned letting MIL in the delivery room because she wanted to be there--I think OP has maybe put MIL's feelings ahead of her own a time too many and is now realizing that her own feelings matter too and maybe wishing she'd set some boundaries earlier.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. I would love to have ornaments that my kids make. I don't want store bought ornaments that my MIL couldn't bother to even crop correctly. Would you really want an ornament with half of your son's face on it??

And yes, the PP is correct. I have let my MIL be a part of every single thing, including the birth of my second child. We need to set boundaries. Some things are for the parents to do - like create first Christmas ornaments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pray that I don't get a DIL like you someday.

Since you're so judgmental, my guess is you'll have a much worse relationship with your DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I would love to have ornaments that my kids make. I don't want store bought ornaments that my MIL couldn't bother to even crop correctly. Would you really want an ornament with half of your son's face on it??

And yes, the PP is correct. I have let my MIL be a part of every single thing, including the birth of my second child. We need to set boundaries. Some things are for the parents to do - like create first Christmas ornaments.

You sound incredibly fixated on how you've been wronged.