Husband assumes negative intent

[Anonymous]

^ No, you are not wrong. To me, this would be like living in a prison. If I were you, I would be speaking to a divorce lawyer. That is NO way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

PP on this, yes it drives me crazy too. I have no idea what to do about either, it's a vicious circle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband never send a text or emails me. We either talk face to face or on the phone. Probably why we never misunderstand each other, argue or why I never write negative things about him here.

cool story, bro.

if i need a quick answer to something during the day, i don't want to pick up the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

I have a question to ask you DH: Why are men such annoying bitches that make mountains out of molehills, even when they realize they are being irrational?

Seriously... do men just enjoy fighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

I have a question to ask you DH: Why are men such annoying bitches that make mountains out of molehills, even when they realize they are being irrational?

Seriously... do men just enjoy fighting?

That's a valid question. I personally do not enjoy fighting...although I think some people do.

It is the realization of irrationality that is the problem. If I can't pause and realize I'm about to be irrational, then I can't respond constructively. It took third parties to help me learn how to REALIZE I was being irrational.

I could give you 1000 excuses (If I've got 17 things on my mind, I'm stressed, I'm hungry, I'm horny, I'm tired, there is too much going on, I can't think of an appropriate response, don't feel like I'm being heard, my mother or father called and are driving me crazy) why I don't respond effectively. It doesn't mean I'm right, but might mean I'm stuck and so I react.

That's my experience and challenge. Does that answer your question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

I have a question to ask you DH: Why are men such annoying bitches that make mountains out of molehills, even when they realize they are being irrational?

Seriously... do men just enjoy fighting?

Now this is a perfect example of an unnecessary bitchy tone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

I have a question to ask you DH: Why are men such annoying bitches that make mountains out of molehills, even when they realize they are being irrational?

Seriously... do men just enjoy fighting?

Now this is a perfect example of an unnecessary bitchy tone!

Just answer the question...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

I have a question to ask you DH: Why are men such annoying bitches that make mountains out of molehills, even when they realize they are being irrational?

Seriously... do men just enjoy fighting?

Now this is a perfect example of an unnecessary bitchy tone!

Just answer the question...

I was answered above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

I have a question to ask you DH: Why are men such annoying bitches that make mountains out of molehills, even when they realize they are being irrational?

Seriously... do men just enjoy fighting?

Now this is a perfect example of an unnecessary bitchy tone!

Just answer the question...

I was answered above.

You were answered? Great. I'm asking you to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

Are you my DH? You sound great! I know I have a tone problem, and it is not always fair to my DH so thank you (and him) for realizing we try but are not perfect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

I think from his point of view it's not a big deal and he doesn't get why you want to die on that hill. Frankly, I don't either. Why can't you unroll his sleeves? I went through the same thing with my DH leaving kleenex in his pockets and asking him to take them out before he put them in the wash. I decided it took two seconds to do it myself versus this aggravation. That's marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I feel like this is my DH - thanks for sharing. It's interesting that many DHs who find negativity in a lot have some history of depression.

I was doing laundry the other day and unrolling the sleeves of DHs shirts and said, "hey hon, when you put your shirts in the wash would you mind unrolling the sleeves? " (knowing him, I tried to phrase it as simply, nicely and non-nagging as possible and this is not something I've asked before, pre-thinking how I phrase things is a huge must). It was a huge blow-up. We were having a fine day prior to that with no issues so it wasn't like we were already on eggshells and then that.
Am I asking all wrong? Interested in thoughts! Often I just do stuff myself because it's not worth figuring out how to get some help without offending him.

This is my DH also. WTH to the posters suggesting an affair. I never thought of that before. I just thought he didn't like "being told what to do". It drives me crazy. He's worse than our teenager and I have no idea what to do about it.

DH here. I often have issues with my DW's tone of voice...even when she doesn't intend anything. Most of the time it is MY issue rather than hers. I've had to learn to mentally take a step back and not go with my gut reaction but try to listen to the words. It has taken work and I'm by no means perfect and I'm still learning (at almost 40).

It sounds like you asked just fine and he reacted poorly. Does he make similar requests to you? How do you respond? I'm not saying that you are the problem, but he may be taking cues from you as part of his way of reacting. You definitely shouldn't have to prethink everything. What actually happened in this case?

I have a question to ask you DH: Why are men such annoying bitches that make mountains out of molehills, even when they realize they are being irrational?

Seriously... do men just enjoy fighting?

Now this is a perfect example of an unnecessary bitchy tone!

Just answer the question...

I'm not the DH you were talking to, just a woman who thinks you are horribly caustic. The DH gave you a much nicer response than you deserved.

[Anonymous]

My DH can be like this, to a lesser extent. I'm very direct. I say what I mean and I don't pull any punches. I simply can't understand why he seems to think that I am hinting around about something ...I speak my mind! I don't have a solution, just commiserating.