Family struggling with Catholicism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic here - Baptized, Communion, Confirmed and married by the Catholic Church.

I am pro choice, believe that gays should have the right to marriage and believe in birth control. My feeling is this, those are someone else's choices that they have to make for themselves. They are not mine to make for them. I personally would not have an abortion and I am gay and if I was I personally would not get married. Because I would not personally make those decisions for myself, I still feel comfortable going to a Catholic Church. I also let the church for a while. I came back when I needed God the most. I think believing in God is more than the religion you chose to belong to. Go to church and know that your relationship with God is between you and your God.

This is me. I do think abortion is sinful and the Catholic Church has a right not to marry homosexuals, but I also believe those things should be legal since my Catholicism shouldn't have bearing on what is and is not legal.

The Catholic church isn't asking for gay marriage to be against the law, is it? They just don't want to perform them in their churches (and no-one is forcing them to). They do think abortion should be illegal (as well as being sinful) but the church can't control the laws -- anymore, since the separation of church and state in most countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic here - Baptized, Communion, Confirmed and married by the Catholic Church.

I am pro choice, believe that gays should have the right to marriage and believe in birth control. My feeling is this, those are someone else's choices that they have to make for themselves. They are not mine to make for them. I personally would not have an abortion and I am gay and if I was I personally would not get married. Because I would not personally make those decisions for myself, I still feel comfortable going to a Catholic Church. I also let the church for a while. I came back when I needed God the most. I think believing in God is more than the religion you chose to belong to. Go to church and know that your relationship with God is between you and your God.

Thiis is a very modern view of belief. If too many people held that view, churches would go out of business. Why bother going to church if you set you own beliefs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family and my husbands family is catholic. Both my husband and I went to catholic school growing up.

When my kids were little, we did the whole catholic thing...baptized them, went to church every week, etc.

Then we somehow faded...not sure why or how, but one of my kids got really sick with a chronic illness and I think that was the start. But since then, we haven't gone back.

Now, we are newly getting back to religion. Our little one who got sick is now almost graduating from high school, and we have been through a LOT with her. And she has been through a lot-not only dealing with a chronic illness, but also going through an assault which was extremely traumatic.

Overall, basically my family has hit a good place where I feel like we are all healing but it feels empty. Everyone in the house has agreed that a little faith and religion would be nice.

However, we all have beliefs which fly in the face of the catholic church. We are all heading to a very dear friend of the family's gay wedding in a month. Many of our friends are gay, and we believe strongly that they should have the right to marriage.

I have three teens, and I want all of them to use birth control.

In the past, my entire family and my husbands family has kind of done what I think is a pretty typical catholic "thing": we went to church, called ourselves catholic, and then on the side, held our own beliefs.

Now that I am older, that is getting harder for me to do. I feel hypocritical.

However, I like MOST of what the Catholic church means and stands for.

What do we do?? Should we "fake it"?

If you got through some traumatic situations w/o the help of religion, why do you need it now?

Most people turn to religion during difficult times b/c they're trying to make sense of the situation. I don't think you fit the mold. Furthermore, if you're a firm supporter of gay marriage and birth control, you're not much of a Catholic.

- former Catholic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic here - Baptized, Communion, Confirmed and married by the Catholic Church.

I am pro choice, believe that gays should have the right to marriage and believe in birth control. My feeling is this, those are someone else's choices that they have to make for themselves. They are not mine to make for them. I personally would not have an abortion and I am gay and if I was I personally would not get married. Because I would not personally make those decisions for myself, I still feel comfortable going to a Catholic Church. I also let the church for a while. I came back when I needed God the most. I think believing in God is more than the religion you chose to belong to. Go to church and know that your relationship with God is between you and your God.

Thiis is a very modern view of belief. If too many people held that view, churches would go out of business. Why bother going to church if you set you own beliefs?

I go to church to hear the readings and for spirituality. I still give my $ to the church. I think if you are Catholic then YOU should not have an abortion and if you are a gay Catholic then know that the church will not be marring you.

I don't believe that any religion should push their beliefs on anyone.

If they want to kick me out, I'll take my money elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic here - Baptized, Communion, Confirmed and married by the Catholic Church.

I am pro choice, believe that gays should have the right to marriage and believe in birth control. My feeling is this, those are someone else's choices that they have to make for themselves. They are not mine to make for them. I personally would not have an abortion and I am gay and if I was I personally would not get married. Because I would not personally make those decisions for myself, I still feel comfortable going to a Catholic Church. I also let the church for a while. I came back when I needed God the most. I think believing in God is more than the religion you chose to belong to. Go to church and know that your relationship with God is between you and your God.

Thiis is a very modern view of belief. If too many people held that view, churches would go out of business. Why bother going to church if you set you own beliefs?

I go to church to hear the readings and for spirituality. I still give my $ to the church. I think if you are Catholic then YOU should not have an abortion and if you are a gay Catholic then know that the church will not be marring you.

I don't believe that any religion should push their beliefs on anyone.

If they want to kick me out, I'll take my money elsewhere.

This is an oxymoron. Religions are all about having certain beliefs and expecting people who belong to the church to adhere to those beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic here - Baptized, Communion, Confirmed and married by the Catholic Church.

I am pro choice, believe that gays should have the right to marriage and believe in birth control. My feeling is this, those are someone else's choices that they have to make for themselves. They are not mine to make for them. I personally would not have an abortion and I am gay and if I was I personally would not get married. Because I would not personally make those decisions for myself, I still feel comfortable going to a Catholic Church. I also let the church for a while. I came back when I needed God the most. I think believing in God is more than the religion you chose to belong to. Go to church and know that your relationship with God is between you and your God.

Thiis is a very modern view of belief. If too many people held that view, churches would go out of business. Why bother going to church if you set you own beliefs?

I go to church to hear the readings and for spirituality. I still give my $ to the church. I think if you are Catholic then YOU should not have an abortion and if you are a gay Catholic then know that the church will not be marring you.

I don't believe that any religion should push their beliefs on anyone.

If they want to kick me out, I'll take my money elsewhere.

This is an oxymoron. Religions are all about having certain beliefs and expecting people who belong to the church to adhere to those beliefs.

They should not push them on people outside of their faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family and my husbands family is catholic. Both my husband and I went to catholic school growing up.

When my kids were little, we did the whole catholic thing...baptized them, went to church every week, etc.

Then we somehow faded...not sure why or how, but one of my kids got really sick with a chronic illness and I think that was the start. But since then, we haven't gone back.

Now, we are newly getting back to religion. Our little one who got sick is now almost graduating from high school, and we have been through a LOT with her. And she has been through a lot-not only dealing with a chronic illness, but also going through an assault which was extremely traumatic.

Overall, basically my family has hit a good place where I feel like we are all healing but it feels empty. Everyone in the house has agreed that a little faith and religion would be nice.

However, we all have beliefs which fly in the face of the catholic church. We are all heading to a very dear friend of the family's gay wedding in a month. Many of our friends are gay, and we believe strongly that they should have the right to marriage.

I have three teens, and I want all of them to use birth control.

In the past, my entire family and my husbands family has kind of done what I think is a pretty typical catholic "thing": we went to church, called ourselves catholic, and then on the side, held our own beliefs.

Now that I am older, that is getting harder for me to do. I feel hypocritical.

However, I like MOST of what the Catholic church means and stands for.

What do we do?? Should we "fake it"?

If you got through some traumatic situations w/o the help of religion, why do you need it now?

Most people turn to religion during difficult times b/c they're trying to make sense of the situation. I don't think you fit the mold. Furthermore, if you're a firm supporter of gay marriage and birth control, you're not much of a Catholic.

- former Catholic

What you may not understand is the good feelings (aside from beliefs and social support) that OP has gotten from the Catholic church in the past. Those feelings could resonate more strongly than any of the negative aspects of the church.

If she can block out all her negative feelings about the church, perhaps the good feelings will come back and that will be enough for her. What is not known, is if other members of her family will feel the same way, and if they don't, if she will urge them to go to church against their will. After so many years of being away, the Catholic church may not be so important to them

[Anonymous]

OP -- I was very much like you. Even had a child with a health condition... she died. Really made me question whether there is a God and where he was.

Have been away from the church for a long time. It's still a cultural part of me. That's the part I think you are connecting to -- it's part of the way you connect in the families. The social justice aspects of my Catholic education are ingrained in me. That is the best part of Catholicism that I experienced. On occassion, we have gone to church -- we were looking at it like outsiders -- it's all very strange. Yes, we know the routines, but they seem very strange to us since we have been not doing them for so long. Bottom line -- we've been gone too long to accept the parts that don't fit our world view. It's hard to let go of the Catholic "community" and being a part of a larger group. But, if we are truthful with ourselves, we simply do not believe. We don't believe the rules, we don't believe the whole Jesus thing, we don't fit. We have evolved into "nones" --- people who mark "none" on the religious affiliation surveys.

I wish we were part of a "community" like a church, but we just can't fake it enough to make it right. Been gone too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- I was very much like you. Even had a child with a health condition... she died. Really made me question whether there is a God and where he was.

Have been away from the church for a long time. It's still a cultural part of me. That's the part I think you are connecting to -- it's part of the way you connect in the families. The social justice aspects of my Catholic education are ingrained in me. That is the best part of Catholicism that I experienced. On occassion, we have gone to church -- we were looking at it like outsiders -- it's all very strange. Yes, we know the routines, but they seem very strange to us since we have been not doing them for so long. Bottom line -- we've been gone too long to accept the parts that don't fit our world view. It's hard to let go of the Catholic "community" and being a part of a larger group. But, if we are truthful with ourselves, we simply do not believe. We don't believe the rules, we don't believe the whole Jesus thing, we don't fit. We have evolved into "nones" --- people who mark "none" on the religious affiliation surveys.

I wish we were part of a "community" like a church, but we just can't fake it enough to make it right. Been gone too long.

If you;re still interested in finding a community, you might try the Washington ethical Society. No faking required. It's a humanistic organization - no Jesus, no god.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this helps, but the best Catholics struggle with their faith and are not complacent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this helps, but the best Catholics struggle with their faith and are not complacent.

sorry, but this sounds like an attempt to make struggling with faith some kind of mark of superiority. What makes these Catholics "best" and who says so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a "born again" Catholic. Raised in the church and some catholic schooling. Love the beach and surfing...was drawn to california style evangelism and became born again. I appreciate the preaching of Greg Laurie. I also respect the works and hard , thankless work the Catholic Church does around the word for poverty and disease.

watch this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGIxk28wXS8

That chapel is in kapalua Maui .. It's just a shed of a building in paradise near DR Fleming state park. Greg Laurie is the best evangelist of his generation in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic here - Baptized, Communion, Confirmed and married by the Catholic Church.

I am pro choice, believe that gays should have the right to marriage and believe in birth control. My feeling is this, those are someone else's choices that they have to make for themselves. They are not mine to make for them. I personally would not have an abortion and I am gay and if I was I personally would not get married. Because I would not personally make those decisions for myself, I still feel comfortable going to a Catholic Church. I also let the church for a while. I came back when I needed God the most. I think believing in God is more than the religion you chose to belong to. Go to church and know that your relationship with God is between you and your God.

Thiis is a very modern view of belief. If too many people held that view, churches would go out of business. Why bother going to church if you set you own beliefs?

I go to church to hear the readings and for spirituality. I still give my $ to the church. I think if you are Catholic then YOU should not have an abortion and if you are a gay Catholic then know that the church will not be marring you.

I don't believe that any religion should push their beliefs on anyone.

If they want to kick me out, I'll take my money elsewhere.

This is an oxymoron. Religions are all about having certain beliefs and expecting people who belong to the church to adhere to those beliefs.

They should not push them on people outside of their faith.

It's called proselytizing. Many religions do it, with Christianity as a prime example. Proselytizing and childhood indoctrination are important methods of spreading the word of God and making salvation and eternal life available to as many people as possible. Fear of hell, hope for heaven, a loving god with a son who died for our sins are not ideas that come naturally to people. They have to be taught it to understand and believe.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a Catholic (baptized, confirmed, married in the church, and still attend mass almost weekly) that also supports gay rights and the use of birth control. I sometimes remind myself that the Church is 2000 years old and reaches across the globe, so it may not be fair to expect it to be a leader in social change -- it's moves are glacial (slow but big and earth-changing). I've thought over the years about joining a Protestant church, but have never really been able to pull the trigger on leaving. I agree with what others have said, that the Catholic church has long had a tradition of reasonable minds disagreeing on certain issues. (I'm no theologian, but I think some of the saints disagreed about even fundamental things like whether animals have souls. Someone that actually knows church history and theology could probably come up with better examples.) There are certain things about Catholicism I really like, and don't really find in any of the Protestant churches -- particularly the universal nature of the church, and the way the church has evolved and incorporated different cultural traditions from different parts of the world. If you find a Protestant church that feels right to you, good for you -- no judgment here. But you may want to ask around about Catholic churches in your area, and find one that has some nice priests, then just go talk to one of the priests about your experience and your beliefs. A good priest can really be so insightful about things like this. And, to respond to a PP that asked something like who said it makes you a good Catholic to question -- I definitely have heard that in homilies from Catholic priests. If you're not struggling with your faith, it may well be sign that it's not real or important to you. Mother Theresa had well-publicized (after her death) periods of doubt, and even Jesus had his agony in the garden where he questioned God's plan for him.
If you're willing to provide your general location, some one might be willing to suggest a specific priests. In general, a Jesuit is usually good for a questioning mind...
At any rate, best of luck to you in your search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a Catholic (baptized, confirmed, married in the church, and still attend mass almost weekly) that also supports gay rights and the use of birth control. I sometimes remind myself that the Church is 2000 years old and reaches across the globe, so it may not be fair to expect it to be a leader in social change -- it's moves are glacial (slow but big and earth-changing). I've thought over the years about joining a Protestant church, but have never really been able to pull the trigger on leaving. I agree with what others have said, that the Catholic church has long had a tradition of reasonable minds disagreeing on certain issues. (I'm no theologian, but I think some of the saints disagreed about even fundamental things like whether animals have souls. Someone that actually knows church history and theology could probably come up with better examples.) There are certain things about Catholicism I really like, and don't really find in any of the Protestant churches -- particularly the universal nature of the church, and the way the church has evolved and incorporated different cultural traditions from different parts of the world. If you find a Protestant church that feels right to you, good for you -- no judgment here. But you may want to ask around about Catholic churches in your area, and find one that has some nice priests, then just go talk to one of the priests about your experience and your beliefs. A good priest can really be so insightful about things like this. And, to respond to a PP that asked something like who said it makes you a good Catholic to question -- I definitely have heard that in homilies from Catholic priests. If you're not struggling with your faith, it may well be sign that it's not real or important to you. Mother Theresa had well-publicized (after her death) periods of doubt, and even Jesus had his agony in the garden where he questioned God's plan for him.
If you're willing to provide your general location, some one might be willing to suggest a specific priests. In general, a Jesuit is usually good for a questioning mind...
At any rate, best of luck to you in your search.

Thanks for the reference on this, but it doesn't make it true. It still sounds like a way to keep doubters in the church, assuring them that doubt is a sign of the deep importance of one's faith. That's a possibility, and it's also possible that the doubting person has found church beliefs wanting in legitimate, carefully thought-out ways. It sure has happened to a lot of people -- some of the "best" people.