Family struggling with Catholicism

[Anonymous]

My family and my husbands family is catholic. Both my husband and I went to catholic school growing up.

When my kids were little, we did the whole catholic thing...baptized them, went to church every week, etc.

Then we somehow faded...not sure why or how, but one of my kids got really sick with a chronic illness and I think that was the start. But since then, we haven't gone back.

Now, we are newly getting back to religion. Our little one who got sick is now almost graduating from high school, and we have been through a LOT with her. And she has been through a lot-not only dealing with a chronic illness, but also going through an assault which was extremely traumatic.

Overall, basically my family has hit a good place where I feel like we are all healing but it feels empty. Everyone in the house has agreed that a little faith and religion would be nice.

However, we all have beliefs which fly in the face of the catholic church. We are all heading to a very dear friend of the family's gay wedding in a month. Many of our friends are gay, and we believe strongly that they should have the right to marriage.

I have three teens, and I want all of them to use birth control.

In the past, my entire family and my husbands family has kind of done what I think is a pretty typical catholic "thing": we went to church, called ourselves catholic, and then on the side, held our own beliefs.

Now that I am older, that is getting harder for me to do. I feel hypocritical.

However, I like MOST of what the Catholic church means and stands for.

What do we do?? Should we "fake it"?

[Anonymous]

These are extremely common feelings. I don't think you should feel hypocritical. According to this poll, 82 percent of American Catholics don't oppose contraceptives. Pew Research Forum data (http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013/09/19/majority-of-u-s-catholics-opinions-run-counter-to-church-on-contraception-homosexuality) finds that most American Catholics' opinions on contraception and homosexuality differ from that of the church.

There would be very few churches in operation if those people didn't go to church. You are in good company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family and my husbands family is catholic. Both my husband and I went to catholic school growing up.

When my kids were little, we did the whole catholic thing...baptized them, went to church every week, etc.

Then we somehow faded...not sure why or how, but one of my kids got really sick with a chronic illness and I think that was the start. But since then, we haven't gone back.

Now, we are newly getting back to religion. Our little one who got sick is now almost graduating from high school, and we have been through a LOT with her. And she has been through a lot-not only dealing with a chronic illness, but also going through an assault which was extremely traumatic.

Overall, basically my family has hit a good place where I feel like we are all healing but it feels empty. Everyone in the house has agreed that a little faith and religion would be nice.

However, we all have beliefs which fly in the face of the catholic church. We are all heading to a very dear friend of the family's gay wedding in a month. Many of our friends are gay, and we believe strongly that they should have the right to marriage.

I have three teens, and I want all of them to use birth control.

In the past, my entire family and my husbands family has kind of done what I think is a pretty typical catholic "thing": we went to church, called ourselves catholic, and then on the side, held our own beliefs.

Now that I am older, that is getting harder for me to do. I feel hypocritical.

However, I like MOST of what the Catholic church means and stands for.

What do we do?? Should we "fake it"?

Well, faking it does seem to be part of unofficial Catholicism, but seems a bit disingenuous to purposely go into something that you know you're being dishonest about. NO - it seems VERY disingenuous to do that.

Try the Episcopal church - they support all the social changes you do - gay marriage, birth control, even gay and female priests! They are not into sin and will welcome your family without qualification. Like many churches (incl. Catholic) they are losing members nationally. But unlike the Catholic church, the Episcopal church won't try to restrict your actions or beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are extremely common feelings. I don't think you should feel hypocritical. According to this poll, 82 percent of American Catholics don't oppose contraceptives. Pew Research Forum data (http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013/09/19/majority-of-u-s-catholics-opinions-run-counter-to-church-on-contraception-homosexuality) finds that most American Catholics' opinions on contraception and homosexuality differ from that of the church.

There would be very few churches in operation if those people didn't go to church. You are in good company.

Yes, many practicing Catholics don't have OP's sense of being hypocritical. Perhaps that's because they didn't have a hiatus and din't notice their beliefs and practices changing so much. Maybe OP could attend a few services in liberal Catholic churches in the area and ask parishioners there how they deal with feeling of hypocrisy or even if they feel like hypocrites at all. Maybe best not to raise the "H" word - and just ask how they cope with the differences between Catholic dogma and their own beliefs and practices. You could ask the priests as well. Some of them are gay (but not openly so), so are familiar with handling ambiguity.

[Anonymous]

I am the first PP and I understand where second PP is coming from re: the Episcopalians. I have gone to several Episcopalian services, but I just did not get the same thing out of the services that I do from going to Catholic mass. I don't think you should feel you have to leave the Church over social issues if that's what feels like home to you.

[Anonymous]

It is not hypocrisy to respectfully (emphasis) dissent from noncore Catholic teachings. It is your right as a Catholic. You do not even have to believe in the core teachings; it is enough to have the will to believe.

The Catholic refusal to make gay marriage a sacrament and its teachings about birth control are hardly core beliefs--they are social teachings, rooted in theological Catholic thought to be sure, but noncore.

Publicly denouncing the trinity puts you outside the Church; privately using birth control after satisfying your conscience does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the first PP and I understand where second PP is coming from re: the Episcopalians. I have gone to several Episcopalian services, but I just did not get the same thing out of the services that I do from going to Catholic mass. I don't think you should feel you have to leave the Church over social issues if that's what feels like home to you.

"what feels like home" is not a part of Catholic teachings, though. Plus you have another issue to deal with -- feeling like a hypocrite.

Sounds like you, and your family, need to get over one feeling or the other to be happy again in the Catholic church. Talking to currently practicing Catholics might be a way to do this.

Also, it could be that some practicing Catholics feel like hypocrites and "at home" at the same time, without cognitive dissonance, and can give you tips on how to pull it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the first PP and I understand where second PP is coming from re: the Episcopalians. I have gone to several Episcopalian services, but I just did not get the same thing out of the services that I do from going to Catholic mass. I don't think you should feel you have to leave the Church over social issues if that's what feels like home to you.

"what feels like home" is not a part of Catholic teachings, though. Plus you have another issue to deal with -- feeling like a hypocrite.

Sounds like you, and your family, need to get over one feeling or the other to be happy again in the Catholic church. Talking to currently practicing Catholics might be a way to do this.

Also, it could be that some practicing Catholics feel like hypocrites and "at home" at the same time, without cognitive dissonance, and can give you tips on how to pull it off.

And yet for many years the US Catholic church encouraged members to bring lapsed Catholics "home for Christmas." "Culturally Catholic" is a huge thing. It's hard to be something else if you were raised Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the first PP and I understand where second PP is coming from re: the Episcopalians. I have gone to several Episcopalian services, but I just did not get the same thing out of the services that I do from going to Catholic mass. I don't think you should feel you have to leave the Church over social issues if that's what feels like home to you.

"what feels like home" is not a part of Catholic teachings, though. Plus you have another issue to deal with -- feeling like a hypocrite.

Sounds like you, and your family, need to get over one feeling or the other to be happy again in the Catholic church. Talking to currently practicing Catholics might be a way to do this.

Also, it could be that some practicing Catholics feel like hypocrites and "at home" at the same time, without cognitive dissonance, and can give you tips on how to pull it off.

And yet for many years the US Catholic church encouraged members to bring lapsed Catholics "home for Christmas." "Culturally Catholic" is a huge thing. It's hard to be something else if you were raised Catholic.

and yet many people raised Catholic have left church completely or moved to other, less demanding churches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the first PP and I understand where second PP is coming from re: the Episcopalians. I have gone to several Episcopalian services, but I just did not get the same thing out of the services that I do from going to Catholic mass. I don't think you should feel you have to leave the Church over social issues if that's what feels like home to you.

"what feels like home" is not a part of Catholic teachings, though. Plus you have another issue to deal with -- feeling like a hypocrite.

Sounds like you, and your family, need to get over one feeling or the other to be happy again in the Catholic church. Talking to currently practicing Catholics might be a way to do this.

Also, it could be that some practicing Catholics feel like hypocrites and "at home" at the same time, without cognitive dissonance, and can give you tips on how to pull it off.

And yet for many years the US Catholic church encouraged members to bring lapsed Catholics "home for Christmas." "Culturally Catholic" is a huge thing. It's hard to be something else if you were raised Catholic.

That's really nice -- I hope the priests don't give people the lecture they used to give when they had packed churches only at easter and Christmas -- chiding people for not attending the rest of the year and reminding them that they were living in mortal sin.

With so many lost members, perhaps they are simply gratefully for an occasional full church and the increased offerings that go along with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family and my husbands family is catholic. Both my husband and I went to catholic school growing up.

When my kids were little, we did the whole catholic thing...baptized them, went to church every week, etc.

Then we somehow faded...not sure why or how, but one of my kids got really sick with a chronic illness and I think that was the start. But since then, we haven't gone back.

Now, we are newly getting back to religion. Our little one who got sick is now almost graduating from high school, and we have been through a LOT with her. And she has been through a lot-not only dealing with a chronic illness, but also going through an assault which was extremely traumatic.

Overall, basically my family has hit a good place where I feel like we are all healing but it feels empty. Everyone in the house has agreed that a little faith and religion would be nice.

However, we all have beliefs which fly in the face of the catholic church. We are all heading to a very dear friend of the family's gay wedding in a month. Many of our friends are gay, and we believe strongly that they should have the right to marriage.

I have three teens, and I want all of them to use birth control.

In the past, my entire family and my husbands family has kind of done what I think is a pretty typical catholic "thing": we went to church, called ourselves catholic, and then on the side, held our own beliefs.

Now that I am older, that is getting harder for me to do. I feel hypocritical.

However, I like MOST of what the Catholic church means and stands for.

What do we do?? Should we "fake it"?

Unless you are Roman Catholic, I wouldn't worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family and my husbands family is catholic. Both my husband and I went to catholic school growing up.

When my kids were little, we did the whole catholic thing...baptized them, went to church every week, etc.

Then we somehow faded...not sure why or how, but one of my kids got really sick with a chronic illness and I think that was the start. But since then, we haven't gone back.

Now, we are newly getting back to religion. Our little one who got sick is now almost graduating from high school, and we have been through a LOT with her. And she has been through a lot-not only dealing with a chronic illness, but also going through an assault which was extremely traumatic.

Overall, basically my family has hit a good place where I feel like we are all healing but it feels empty. Everyone in the house has agreed that a little faith and religion would be nice.

However, we all have beliefs which fly in the face of the catholic church. We are all heading to a very dear friend of the family's gay wedding in a month. Many of our friends are gay, and we believe strongly that they should have the right to marriage.

I have three teens, and I want all of them to use birth control.

In the past, my entire family and my husbands family has kind of done what I think is a pretty typical catholic "thing": we went to church, called ourselves catholic, and then on the side, held our own beliefs.

Now that I am older, that is getting harder for me to do. I feel hypocritical.

However, I like MOST of what the Catholic church means and stands for.

What do we do?? Should we "fake it"?

Perhaps you should approach a priest in a liberal parish and tell him what you accept and don't accept about the church and get his advice on whether your family can come back to the church without feeling like hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

I am catholic and disagree with some of the social teachings. I do strongly believe in the core beliefs of the trinity, mass, and Eucharist. I think those are some of the beliefs that truly make me Catholic. I doubt my priest is concerned about my birth control use or my acceptance of others lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

The Church is free to "refuse to offer gay 'marriage' as a sacrament."

Why does everyone have to cheer on this social issue? They don't. Want to get married in a church? Just choose a non-Catholic church. No one should be forced into something that doesn't sit with their core beliefs, and that includes the CC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am catholic and disagree with some of the social teachings. I do strongly believe in the core beliefs of the trinity, mass, and Eucharist. I think those are some of the beliefs that truly make me Catholic. I doubt my priest is concerned about my birth control use or my acceptance of others lifestyles.

Have you asked him? It's up to the church to decide what makes a person truly Catholic.