S/O Need comeback for recurring FIL comment

[Anonymous]

Don't address him directly. Bring it up with your MIL privately.

"Mary, I notice that Bob makes the same joke about me being older than Bob, Jr. A lot. At first I thought he was just being kind of an asshole, but then I got concerned that he might not remember trying to pass off the same old tiresome, thinly veiled insult as a joke time and time again. I was concerned because if he is having a problem with memory this significant, he might be developing dementia. So rather than simply think the worst of him and continue to swallow my irritation, I wanted to bring the issue to your attention, privately, so you can discuss it with Bob and his doctor the next time he has a physical...Of course if he knows full well that he is making the same irritating, insulting, stupid joke repeatedly maybe you could gently let him know to stop so that he isn't embarrassed when I tell him to stop it in a not-so-gentle way."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't address him directly. Bring it up with your MIL privately.

"Mary, I notice that Bob makes the same joke about me being older than Bob, Jr. A lot. At first I thought he was just being kind of an asshole, but then I got concerned that he might not remember trying to pass off the same old tiresome, thinly veiled insult as a joke time and time again. I was concerned because if he is having a problem with memory this significant, he might be developing dementia. So rather than simply think the worst of him and continue to swallow my irritation, I wanted to bring the issue to your attention, privately, so you can discuss it with Bob and his doctor the next time he has a physical...Of course if he knows full well that he is making the same irritating, insulting, stupid joke repeatedly maybe you could gently let him know to stop so that he isn't embarrassed when I tell him to stop it in a not-so-gentle way."

Argh-no! It's not his wife's job to make him not be a jerk. Plus he picks on her too from the sounds of it so this isnt going to work. OP needs to be direct with the FIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 4 years older than my DH. We've been married for 16 years, 2 kids, all is well on that front. Our age difference has not been an issue, in fact people usually take me for the younger one.

We see my ILs 2-3 times a year. My FIL often makes the comment that DH is a "child bridegroom" or that I "robbed the cradle". How can I respond to this?

Sometimes it doesn't bother me that much, but if FIL has been particularly annoying that visit then it does bother me. He's the type that needles others, brings up old embarrassing things to tease family members about over and over, in general he has kind of a jerky sense of humor. I'm terrible at shutting it down.

He teases MIL about her mechanical incompetance and I was gratified to see her stick up for herself on our last visit last week, when she said, "how come you get to tease me all day long and laugh, but when I tease you, you get all mad and huffy?" He doesn't like to be "disrespected". He can dish it out but he can't take it.

On the most recent visit my DH asked him calmly to slow down and stop tailgating people. He was super offended, sulked and then brought it up at dinner to defend his driving. He had been stewing about it all day long I guess.

Can you tell my FIL is not my favorite person?

I'd handle it in two steps.

First, your husband needs to have a serious private conversation with him. It looks like your FIL is the kind of man who'd mind more if it were another man laying down the law.

If it continues, step B would look like this:

"You robbed the cradle"

"John, that's an inappropriate, hurtful comment. Stop saying that or [insert a consequence you thought in advance, agreed upon with your husband, and can actually enforce]". Then follow through. No matter what it is. Your FIL is a bully and bullies can smell an empty threat a mile away, but they tuck their tail between their legs when faced with a real consequence.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a rude man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Shut the fuck up!" Too strong?

Nah. STFU or something similar tells him that he's irritated you and that he's found a nerve.

Maybe something like "FIL, I notice you like to emphasize how young DH is. Does that help you avoid focusing on your own mortality?"

Wow, good one indeed. Too bad it's a tad too cultured for such a rude ignoramus to grasp, I'm afraid.

But I like it a lot just the same. Kudos for coming up with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 4 years older than my DH. We've been married for 16 years, 2 kids, all is well on that front. Our age difference has not been an issue, in fact people usually take me for the younger one.

We see my ILs 2-3 times a year. My FIL often makes the comment that DH is a "child bridegroom" or that I "robbed the cradle". How can I respond to this?

Sometimes it doesn't bother me that much, but if FIL has been particularly annoying that visit then it does bother me. He's the type that needles others, brings up old embarrassing things to tease family members about over and over, in general he has kind of a jerky sense of humor. I'm terrible at shutting it down.

He teases MIL about her mechanical incompetance and I was gratified to see her stick up for herself on our last visit last week, when she said, "how come you get to tease me all day long and laugh, but when I tease you, you get all mad and huffy?" He doesn't like to be "disrespected". He can dish it out but he can't take it.

On the most recent visit my DH asked him calmly to slow down and stop tailgating people. He was super offended, sulked and then brought it up at dinner to defend his driving. He had been stewing about it all day long I guess.

Can you tell my FIL is not my favorite person?

"Robbed the cradle? He was running away screaming from you people!"

too much?

I think this one is good and within the cultural grasp of the FIL in question... I'd only modify it to "running away screaming from Dad", as MIL seems to be a nice, or at least non-noxious person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for these, I love them! I want to be prepared next time.

I have wondered why our age difference is an issue for my FIL. I believe it's because he and MIL are terrified of doing anything outside the norm and worry excessively about what others think. So us deviating from the traditional older man/younger woman paradigm was anxiety-producing for them and they worried about what their friends and family would think about it. Maybe they still worry about it!

They are deeply insecure and comment incessantly about other people: their cars, weight, state of their yards, etc.

You know, OP, it says a lot of good things about you as a person that you're actually bothering to analyze the roots of your FIL's rudeness, but it's still a big flaming sack of not your problem. He has every right to be insecure. He doesn't have a right to be rude. Please, don't let your being a decent human being override your right not to be disrespected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably say 'Yes, I highly recommend marrying younger men. The next time [mother-in-law] gets married I hope she gets one too.'

That's a good one. Say it witha fake smile and laugh. Or just ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 4 years older than my DH. We've been married for 16 years, 2 kids, all is well on that front. Our age difference has not been an issue, in fact people usually take me for the younger one.

We see my ILs 2-3 times a year. My FIL often makes the comment that DH is a "child bridegroom" or that I "robbed the cradle". How can I respond to this?

Sometimes it doesn't bother me that much, but if FIL has been particularly annoying that visit then it does bother me. He's the type that needles others, brings up old embarrassing things to tease family members about over and over, in general he has kind of a jerky sense of humor. I'm terrible at shutting it down.

He teases MIL about her mechanical incompetance and I was gratified to see her stick up for herself on our last visit last week, when she said, "how come you get to tease me all day long and laugh, but when I tease you, you get all mad and huffy?" He doesn't like to be "disrespected". He can dish it out but he can't take it.

On the most recent visit my DH asked him calmly to slow down and stop tailgating people. He was super offended, sulked and then brought it up at dinner to defend his driving. He had been stewing about it all day long I guess.

Can you tell my FIL is not my favorite person?

I'd handle it in two steps.

First, your husband needs to have a serious private conversation with him. It looks like your FIL is the kind of man who'd mind more if it were another man laying down the law.

If it continues, step B would look like this:

"You robbed the cradle"

"John, that's an inappropriate, hurtful comment. Stop saying that or [insert a consequence you thought in advance, agreed upon with your husband, and can actually enforce]". Then follow through. No matter what it is. Your FIL is a bully and bullies can smell an empty threat a mile away, but they tuck their tail between their legs when faced with a real consequence.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a rude man.

No real person would ever say this to an inlaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 4 years older than my DH. We've been married for 16 years, 2 kids, all is well on that front. Our age difference has not been an issue, in fact people usually take me for the younger one.

We see my ILs 2-3 times a year. My FIL often makes the comment that DH is a "child bridegroom" or that I "robbed the cradle". How can I respond to this?

Sometimes it doesn't bother me that much, but if FIL has been particularly annoying that visit then it does bother me. He's the type that needles others, brings up old embarrassing things to tease family members about over and over, in general he has kind of a jerky sense of humor. I'm terrible at shutting it down.

He teases MIL about her mechanical incompetance and I was gratified to see her stick up for herself on our last visit last week, when she said, "how come you get to tease me all day long and laugh, but when I tease you, you get all mad and huffy?" He doesn't like to be "disrespected". He can dish it out but he can't take it.

On the most recent visit my DH asked him calmly to slow down and stop tailgating people. He was super offended, sulked and then brought it up at dinner to defend his driving. He had been stewing about it all day long I guess.

Can you tell my FIL is not my favorite person?

LOL. I'm astounded that a 4 year age difference matters to anyone after both parties are older than, say, 22. In my family we run age differences of 10+ years between partners, in both directions.

FIl sounds like a real piece of work who is starting to really annoy everyone, so I am all for using all the comebacks on this thread. People so worried about others can be so exhausting!

The bolded, times a million.

Also, where do people find the time to be so up in other people's business? When I'm done minding my own life, the day's over and it's time to go to bed. I don't have the energy, the time or the will to pay attention to what goes on in other people's life, at least on a gossipy level. If there's a problem I can help with, sure... but spending time analyzing the fact that Mary lost ten pounds or gained ten pounds, or that Bob bought a new car or still drives his old one? Who the heck has the energy or the time to care about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like young c**k.

Lol, THIS! And you can embarrass your kids at the same time!

People who think if you ignore bullies they leave you alone, I wonder, have you ever met a bully in your life?

+ 1 re. the bully question.

Also, I second the "young c**k" retort. If that won't shut him up, nothing on this Earth will, and it'll be time to cut contact short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Shut the fuck up!" Too strong?

Nah. STFU or something similar tells him that he's irritated you and that he's found a nerve.

Maybe something like "FIL, I notice you like to emphasize how young DH is. Does that help you avoid focusing on your own mortality?"

Wow, good one indeed. Too bad it's a tad too cultured for such a rude ignoramus to grasp, I'm afraid.

But I like it a lot just the same. Kudos for coming up with it.

NP. Maybe just get right to the point and say "YOU'RE GONNA DIE SOMEDAY!"

Or, perhaps, ask him if upon the thousandth time having to hear such-and-such comment, do you get a free sandwich?

Actually, I think what I would do is write down a list of all his predictable, obnoxious comments (verbatim if he says them the same way every time) and during your visit simply pull it out to check off each one when he says them, and have a little chuckle. I call it Asshole Bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a bully. That is precisely the word. I stood up to him this last visit on a different recurring issue and it felt GREAT. But, when he whipped out the you're so old and you robbed the cradle canard I was unprepared and had nothing.

Another of his oldies but goodies is mentioning how MIL weighed the same when she left the hospital as she did before she got pregnant. He really knows how to zero in on a person's weaknesses. I'm not fat but I wasn't skinny when I left the hosptial postpartum.

OP, I'll bet dollars to donuts that the thing about MIl weighing the same post partum as when she got pregnant is made up BS. That's just not the way a woman's body work.

And who cares if you weren't skinny after giving birth? A) you're not supposed to be, b) you had more important things to worry about, like caring for a baby and nurturing him/her.

And if you were fat, so what? It's still none of anyone's business but yours.

I don't know that I'd keep seeing a man who treated me so rudely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 4 years older than my DH. We've been married for 16 years, 2 kids, all is well on that front. Our age difference has not been an issue, in fact people usually take me for the younger one.

We see my ILs 2-3 times a year. My FIL often makes the comment that DH is a "child bridegroom" or that I "robbed the cradle". How can I respond to this?

Sometimes it doesn't bother me that much, but if FIL has been particularly annoying that visit then it does bother me. He's the type that needles others, brings up old embarrassing things to tease family members about over and over, in general he has kind of a jerky sense of humor. I'm terrible at shutting it down.

He teases MIL about her mechanical incompetance and I was gratified to see her stick up for herself on our last visit last week, when she said, "how come you get to tease me all day long and laugh, but when I tease you, you get all mad and huffy?" He doesn't like to be "disrespected". He can dish it out but he can't take it.

On the most recent visit my DH asked him calmly to slow down and stop tailgating people. He was super offended, sulked and then brought it up at dinner to defend his driving. He had been stewing about it all day long I guess.

Can you tell my FIL is not my favorite person?

I'd handle it in two steps.

First, your husband needs to have a serious private conversation with him. It looks like your FIL is the kind of man who'd mind more if it were another man laying down the law.

If it continues, step B would look like this:

"You robbed the cradle"

"John, that's an inappropriate, hurtful comment. Stop saying that or [insert a consequence you thought in advance, agreed upon with your husband, and can actually enforce]". Then follow through. No matter what it is. Your FIL is a bully and bullies can smell an empty threat a mile away, but they tuck their tail between their legs when faced with a real consequence.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a rude man.

No real person would ever say this to an inlaw.

I'm the poster you're quoting, I'm real and you can bet your last cent that I'd say that to an inlaw or anyone. I stopped putting up with rudeness a long time ago. Life is too short for that shit.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be so crass as the c*ck comment, but when my FIL said the same thing incessantly (and I am only 2 years older than H) I finally said "Younger men have more stamina." He's never brought it up again.

To the other poster with the MIL who implied you married your H for the money potential - my MIL also once said something about how I would need to leave my job so that I could have children because H's job was much more important. I had to nip that one in the bud and whipped right around and said "Only if you think we should be homeless since I am the main source of monetary support. Maybe you should tell H to leave his job instead."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be so crass as the c*ck comment, but when my FIL said the same thing incessantly (and I am only 2 years older than H) I finally said "Younger men have more stamina." He's never brought it up again.

To the other poster with the MIL who implied you married your H for the money potential - my MIL also once said something about how I would need to leave my job so that I could have children because H's job was much more important. I had to nip that one in the bud and whipped right around and said "Only if you think we should be homeless since I am the main source of monetary support. Maybe you should tell H to leave his job instead."

I do see where you're coming from, however if the FIL were willing to take a subtle hint he'd already have. He needs to be shocked into behaving, just like any bully.