S/O Need comeback for recurring FIL comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 4 years older than my DH. We've been married for 16 years, 2 kids, all is well on that front. Our age difference has not been an issue, in fact people usually take me for the younger one.

We see my ILs 2-3 times a year. My FIL often makes the comment that DH is a "child bridegroom" or that I "robbed the cradle". How can I respond to this?

Sometimes it doesn't bother me that much, but if FIL has been particularly annoying that visit then it does bother me. He's the type that needles others, brings up old embarrassing things to tease family members about over and over, in general he has kind of a jerky sense of humor. I'm terrible at shutting it down.

He teases MIL about her mechanical incompetance and I was gratified to see her stick up for herself on our last visit last week, when she said, "how come you get to tease me all day long and laugh, but when I tease you, you get all mad and huffy?" He doesn't like to be "disrespected". He can dish it out but he can't take it.

On the most recent visit my DH asked him calmly to slow down and stop tailgating people. He was super offended, sulked and then brought it up at dinner to defend his driving. He had been stewing about it all day long I guess.

Can you tell my FIL is not my favorite person?

I'd handle it in two steps.

First, your husband needs to have a serious private conversation with him. It looks like your FIL is the kind of man who'd mind more if it were another man laying down the law.

If it continues, step B would look like this:

"You robbed the cradle"

"John, that's an inappropriate, hurtful comment. Stop saying that or [insert a consequence you thought in advance, agreed upon with your husband, and can actually enforce]". Then follow through. No matter what it is. Your FIL is a bully and bullies can smell an empty threat a mile away, but they tuck their tail between their legs when faced with a real consequence.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a rude man.

No real person would ever say this to an inlaw.

Don't make a joke or hint or be passive. If the above is too much just say "Bob, I don't make jokes about your age. Please don't make jokes about mine."

[Anonymous]

How about DH say something like, "she didn't so much rob the cradle as I went after some fine MILF"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a bully. That is precisely the word. I stood up to him this last visit on a different recurring issue and it felt GREAT. But, when he whipped out the you're so old and you robbed the cradle canard I was unprepared and had nothing.

Another of his oldies but goodies is mentioning how MIL weighed the same when she left the hospital as she did before she got pregnant. He really knows how to zero in on a person's weaknesses. I'm not fat but I wasn't skinny when I left the hosptial postpartum.

"Well Bob, THAT long ago women stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks after a birth, she had a little more time than my 2 days to lose that baby weight!"

[Anonymous]

How about something along the lines of - You mention the age difference quite often - does it bother you? OR my favorite...say nothing and just look at him with a blank expression. For a minute ..... that minute will seem like an eternity!!!!

[Anonymous]

Present him with a homemade punch card. Tell him everytime he pulls out his tired old robbing the cradle card, he'll get a hole punched. After 10 of them he gets a free punch to his crotch

[Anonymous]

And where IS your "much" younger husband when all of this bullying is going on?

[Anonymous]

I have a lovely MIL and a FIL who is a bully. He commented on my belly when DC1 was around 8 months old "It has been a long time since you had the baby and you should have lost all that weight from your belly. You should do something about it!" My answer? "I have a belly because I had a baby. What's yours?"

He never said anything after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a bully. That is precisely the word. I stood up to him this last visit on a different recurring issue and it felt GREAT. But, when he whipped out the you're so old and you robbed the cradle canard I was unprepared and had nothing.

Another of his oldies but goodies is mentioning how MIL weighed the same when she left the hospital as she did before she got pregnant. He really knows how to zero in on a person's weaknesses. I'm not fat but I wasn't skinny when I left the hosptial postpartum.

But how do you keep a straight face when he says something that is so completely dumb and inaccurate? Really. how do you not burst out laughing? Especially since he thinks this is an insult? Honestly, that chance that actually happened is so incredibly tiny that it doesn't even warrant repeating.

And I guess I wonder how you don't laugh off the cradle robbing comment and then tell him he is a weirdo and to shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a lovely MIL and a FIL who is a bully. He commented on my belly when DC1 was around 8 months old "It has been a long time since you had the baby and you should have lost all that weight from your belly. You should do something about it!" My answer? "I have a belly because I had a baby. What's yours?"

He never said anything after that.

^^ "What's your excuse?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be so crass as the c*ck comment, but when my FIL said the same thing incessantly (and I am only 2 years older than H) I finally said "Younger men have more stamina." He's never brought it up again.

+1. I agree it needs to be something like this - very brief, confident, slightly humorous, and also slightly insulting back to him. Show him you aren't insulted or intimidated; just that you think he's a silly old man. Nothing long-winded or touchy-feely about hurting people's feelings since that's his whole objective after all - to throw people off balance and make them uncomfortable/embarrassed/upset. What a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Present him with a homemade punch card. Tell him everytime he pulls out his tired old robbing the cradle card, he'll get a hole punched. After 10 of them he gets a free punch to his crotch

I like that!