I'm an ugly woman. AMA.

[Anonymous]

OP I just want to say I think you are cool. Be who you are. I hope you get what you want out of life!

[Anonymous]

Do you feel lonely?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, another ugly woman here. The acne, the weight, the big nose, plus really asymmetrical features and a big gap between my front teeth due to an accident as a kid. I get it. You sound like you have substantially more confidence in general than I did growing up and at your age (I'm a bit older, mid-30s), and you're definitely much less overweight than I was. Do you feel self-conscious when you're out and about, especially in the types of situations in which men and women are looking at each other as potential romantic/sexual partners? Do you think you project confidence to others? Do you feel comfort in your own skin?

I did not, and that really didn't change for me until I lost weight. I always felt like I stuck out for all the wrong reasons, when all I wanted to do was blend in. When I lost the weight I felt like I looked much more like others around me (still ugly, but I didn't stand out for being overweight), and that had a big impact on how I felt about myself - far less self-conscious. I think being able to let go of that constant self-awareness has made me more approachable in general (not just in a romantic sense, but in my professional life as well).

Again, you're not anywhere close to being as overweight as I was, so it may not be as much of an issue for you interms of how you perceive yourself and the messages you're giving to others. But for me, losing the weight had a huge impact.

For what it's worth, I'm married. To a man I met (and married) long before I lost the weight. He's wonderful, and he tells me all the time that I'm beautiful - which I'm not, by ANY objective standard, but he seems to sincerely believe I am. I think it's because his love for me, and his knowledge of me, goes much deeper than my outward appearance. And thus what he sees when he looks at me is all of me. There IS someone out there who will appreciate you, too. We may be unattractive on the outside to many (though not all!), but we're so much more than just how we look.

[Anonymous]

Are you a nanny op?

[Anonymous]

Do you think you're not approached by men because of your looks or because you project a lack of confidence?

[Anonymous]

This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read. OP you are as attractive as you feel you are. Not everyone feels great all the time, but to think you're ugly is to attract negativity. You need to be kind to yourself, it's the only way to love and be loved. It sounds cheesy but you need to stand in the mirror every day, look yourself in the eye and say, "I forgive you. I love you." Can't remember who I heard recommend this but it's life-changing. Do it till you believe it. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aww, thanks, that was nice (to the first two PPs). I am touched. I am pretty ugly though. Where to start.

- Yes, big nose
- heavy acne scarring (dark blemishes and pits) which can probably only be corrected by laser (I've tried every cream - they don't work, especially not for pits, but not even for dark blemishes) all over my face, neck and upper chest
- 40 lbs over weight and with stretch marks and cellulite. I've been fighting the weight battle since I was 15, so throughout my prime in other words
- thin hair
- glasses (contact solution hurts my eyes, insurance doesn't cover LASIK surgery)
- just not a great face structure overall IMO

OP, I'm super ugly too. I actually have perfect features (which I feel are wasted on me), but also tons of acne scarring. I have frizzy hair that does NOT straighten, and always has split ends, weight 220 (with stretch marks and cellulite), have some sort of hormone imbalance that causes my FACE to grow a lot of thick, dark hairs, and I have violent psoriasis which grosses people out and doesn't make me want any of my skin exposed and also creates tons of dandruff (no shampoo helps).

I'm in my late 30's, have never had a boyfriend and the only time I was kissed it was sexual harrassment. Luckily, because of my age most of my friends are married now so there's no going out looking to pick up men anymore, but even when there was, I never went more than once a year or so. I found I was much happier reading a good book or watching a movie with a friend than going out and feeling invisible or laughed at. Rejection takes its toll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read. OP you are as attractive as you feel you are. Not everyone feels great all the time, but to think you're ugly is to attract negativity. You need to be kind to yourself, it's the only way to love and be loved. It sounds cheesy but you need to stand in the mirror every day, look yourself in the eye and say, "I forgive you. I love you." Can't remember who I heard recommend this but it's life-changing. Do it till you believe it. GL.

I don't know, I think OP actually sounds fairly well at peace and happy with herself in a lot of ways. OP, I obviously can't know how attractive or unattractive you really are, objectively. But I will say that among my friends (mid to late 30s, mostly), level of attractiveness does not seem to be correlated much, if at all, with relationship status. Some of my least conventionally attractive friends seem to be in very happy long-term relationships or marriages, while some gorgeous friends are single. And vice versa, of course. You only have to find one person. Really, thinking about the married people you know, are they more attractive on average than the single people?

[Anonymous]

http://youtu.be/XpaOjMXyJGk

OP I am sure you are not ugly, and you seem like a nice person too-so many struggle with feeling too fat, not pretty enough, not good enough-just be you-you ARE beautiful!

[Anonymous]

Pp, 22.54, u really should get checked for pcos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp, 22.54, u really should get checked for pcos.

When I had health insurance, my physician's assistant told me I had that and wanted to put me on a medicine, but she promoted it by saying "It often helps people lose weight!" and I felt like this was not medically professional. And then I got laid off before I could find a thyroid-related specialist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, 22.54, u really should get checked for pcos.

When I had health insurance, my physician's assistant told me I had that and wanted to put me on a medicine, but she promoted it by saying "It often helps people lose weight!" and I felt like this was not medically professional. And then I got laid off before I could find a thyroid-related specialist.

Ummm.... Yeah, you need to get this evaluated. See an endocrinologist. PCOS causes weight gain.

[Anonymous]

If you had early acne and adult acne you have some sort of endocrine issue (PCOS, thyroid, adrenal, etc.). When you are able, do see an endocrinologist (OB/GYNs are not the best for this, nor are derms).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, 22.54, u really should get checked for pcos.

When I had health insurance, my physician's assistant told me I had that and wanted to put me on a medicine, but she promoted it by saying "It often helps people lose weight!" and I felt like this was not medically professional. And then I got laid off before I could find a thyroid-related specialist.

Ummm.... Yeah, you need to get this evaluated. See an endocrinologist. PCOS causes weight gain.

I don't really doubt that I have PCOS - the facial hair and also I have really heavy periods. Based on what I hear others say about theirs mine are much heavier. But I honestly think my weight is because I eat a lot and not the healthiest foods. It's not like I gained a ton of weight at any point in life. More like even as a kid (pre-puberty) when I was SUPER active/athletic and ate relatively healthy I was overweight. Not by 100 pounds, but I was NEVER skinny - always my ass and stomach stood out and I had big thighs, even though I was totally ripped with muscles.

I'll aim for an endocrinologist when I get health insurance again.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for all the great replies. I did get checked for PCOS and thyroid, I was fine on both apparently. Which surprised me, hah.

Well, I'd be more open to the idea that I'm less attractive than I think I am if I saw other people viewing me in a more positive way. But 28 and forever alone kinda suggests that the men agree with me.