Unexpected pregnancy in my 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ most of these older posters are Preg after infertility treatments and know for certain that the want to be older patents. It is VERY hard to RAISE a child when you ate 43 and yr husband is 55.

Speak for yourself.

[Anonymous]

All of you PPs who are saying that you can't possibly imagine, etc. etc. etc. -- are you advising the OP to terminate her pregnancy?

[Anonymous]

Just speaking up as someone whose child did have genetic issue... I had my first pregnancy and my first child in my late thirties and our baby was diagnosed after birth with Down syndrome. It was not at all what my husband and I imagined but we are really happy to have our child and has brought us closer together. (Odds are more in your favor of no genetic issues though.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had all of my three children before my twenty third birthday and now at forty five, they have all grown and flown the coop.

I cannot even imagine chasing after a toddler or dealing w/a moody teen-ager at this stage in my life.

I remember having a lot of energy when my kids were younger. I could clean the whole house in a day, do four loads of laundry as well as bathe all of them AND even take them to the playground! Now, I am proud of myself if I can scrub the bathtub w/out having to take a break in between for my sore back! Lol.

Anyway, I work as a nanny and most of the families I work for are couples in their late thirties to early forties w/young children. I comment to them that I sometimes wish I had had my own children when I was older so I could have gotten a good career first and raised them in a nice big house and had more money, etc. They in turn, respond that they sometimes wished they had their children younger because working and caring for children in middle-age was really tiring.

So in my opinion, it is all relative.

How is your overall health & energy level? Remember, having a child does not automatically end at eighteen yrs. of age. Your child will still need you around long after that. You will want to be around to watch your child get married and your husband will want to walk his daughter (if it's a girl) down the aisle on her wedding day. Plus, you will want much energy and life left to run after grand children.

All of this must be considered.

You sound like a very reasonable person.

I would say congrats to OP! I think it's wonderful that you are having a baby. I think older parents have plenty of things to offer that younger parents don't. I had my child at 25. I noticed that I have gotten more relaxed, reasonable, patient as I have gotten older. I also enjoy my child more. I see lots of older parents who I think do a great job parenting.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant at 43 and delivered a few days after my 44th birthday. I did early screening and got results of someone in their 20s for genetic issues. I chose to skip CVS and amnio as a result of good screenings. DS was born perfectly healthy and is now an active and amazing 2 year old. I won't deny it is exhausting at times chasing around after him, but it's part of the deal and I don't complain because the benefits and rewards are too great. I wouldn't change anything about becoming a parent in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure DH is going to LOVE the teen years on his 70s , not to mention the diaper years in his 50s and the endless school years in his (not) retirement

Why are you so nasty? Do you want Op to be sad? Abort? There must be little joy in your own life to take any pleasure in planning misery for strangers on the internet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had all of my three children before my twenty third birthday and now at forty five, they have all grown and flown the coop.

I cannot even imagine chasing after a toddler or dealing w/a moody teen-ager at this stage in my life.

I remember having a lot of energy when my kids were younger. I could clean the whole house in a day, do four loads of laundry as well as bathe all of them AND even take them to the playground! Now, I am proud of myself if I can scrub the bathtub w/out having to take a break in between for my sore back! Lol.

Anyway, I work as a nanny and most of the families I work for are couples in their late thirties to early forties w/young children. I comment to them that I sometimes wish I had had my own children when I was older so I could have gotten a good career first and raised them in a nice big house and had more money, etc. They in turn, respond that they sometimes wished they had their children younger because working and caring for children in middle-age was really tiring.

So in my opinion, it is all relative.

How is your overall health & energy level? Remember, having a child does not automatically end at eighteen yrs. of age. Your child will still need you around long after that. You will want to be around to watch your child get married and your husband will want to walk his daughter (if it's a girl) down the aisle on her wedding day. Plus, you will want much energy and life left to run after grand children.

All of this must be considered.

So, for money, you can imagine dealing with children, but not for love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had all of my three children before my twenty third birthday and now at forty five, they have all grown and flown the coop.

I cannot even imagine chasing after a toddler or dealing w/a moody teen-ager at this stage in my life.

I remember having a lot of energy when my kids were younger. I could clean the whole house in a day, do four loads of laundry as well as bathe all of them AND even take them to the playground! Now, I am proud of myself if I can scrub the bathtub w/out having to take a break in between for my sore back! Lol.

Anyway, I work as a nanny and most of the families I work for are couples in their late thirties to early forties w/young children. I comment to them that I sometimes wish I had had my own children when I was older so I could have gotten a good career first and raised them in a nice big house and had more money, etc. They in turn, respond that they sometimes wished they had their children younger because working and caring for children in middle-age was really tiring.

So in my opinion, it is all relative.

How is your overall health & energy level? Remember, having a child does not automatically end at eighteen yrs. of age. Your child will still need you around long after that. You will want to be around to watch your child get married and your husband will want to walk his daughter (if it's a girl) down the aisle on her wedding day. Plus, you will want much energy and life left to run after grand children.

All of this must be considered.

So, for money, you can imagine dealing with children, but not for love?

You don't be nasty either. She has an interesting perspective and can go home at the end of the day and be done. There are pros and cons either way. I'm an older mom pp who is very happy. To all those people talking about their golden years--for some people they are not so golden. In my case my parents had a happy and loving marriage for most of my and my siblings' lives--lots of physical affection and good family times. They had kids in their 20s and worked hard, but then as we approached college they both had individual mid-life crises. I think they were lost and had no idea what to do next. From their perspective I guess it looked all downhill. They divorced and wrecked our family and in some ways experiencing parental divorce as a near-adult was much harder than if it had been the status quo. In my view I'm saving myself from this fate by having had a really interesting life pre-kids and now focusing entirely on making a great family life and marriage. Kids keep you young. I don't buy the energy argument that so many people bring up. Kids tire you out at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had all of my three children before my twenty third birthday and now at forty five, they have all grown and flown the coop.

I cannot even imagine chasing after a toddler or dealing w/a moody teen-ager at this stage in my life.

I remember having a lot of energy when my kids were younger. I could clean the whole house in a day, do four loads of laundry as well as bathe all of them AND even take them to the playground! Now, I am proud of myself if I can scrub the bathtub w/out having to take a break in between for my sore back! Lol.

Anyway, I work as a nanny and most of the families I work for are couples in their late thirties to early forties w/young children. I comment to them that I sometimes wish I had had my own children when I was older so I could have gotten a good career first and raised them in a nice big house and had more money, etc. They in turn, respond that they sometimes wished they had their children younger because working and caring for children in middle-age was really tiring.

So in my opinion, it is all relative.

How is your overall health & energy level? Remember, having a child does not automatically end at eighteen yrs. of age. Your child will still need you around long after that. You will want to be around to watch your child get married and your husband will want to walk his daughter (if it's a girl) down the aisle on her wedding day. Plus, you will want much energy and life left to run after grand children.

All of this must be considered.

So, for money, you can imagine dealing with children, but not for love?

You don't be nasty either. She has an interesting perspective and can go home at the end of the day and be done. There are pros and cons either way. I'm an older mom pp who is very happy. To all those people talking about their golden years--for some people they are not so golden. In my case my parents had a happy and loving marriage for most of my and my siblings' lives--lots of physical affection and good family times. They had kids in their 20s and worked hard, but then as we approached college they both had individual mid-life crises. I think they were lost and had no idea what to do next. From their perspective I guess it looked all downhill. They divorced and wrecked our family and in some ways experiencing parental divorce as a near-adult was much harder than if it had been the status quo. In my view I'm saving myself from this fate by having had a really interesting life pre-kids and now focusing entirely on making a great family life and marriage. Kids keep you young. I don't buy the energy argument that so many people bring up. Kids tire you out at any age.

This is interesting family drama and you should start a thread about it, but this isn't the case for OP OR the nanny who posted above.

[Anonymous]

This is interesting family drama and you should start a thread about it, but this isn't the case for OP OR the nanny who posted above.

I agree. Also having a child -- at any age -- is not a way to keep a family together. Neither is having " nothing better to do " more tha a bit off base.

[Anonymous]

Abortion is an option. Not a dirty word or nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations!!!!! Lots of moms in this area have first in late 30s -- and lots have in the early 40s -- and lots of older dads. You will find that you are not as old as you think.

This is true, especially in the private schools -- mother of one born at 37 and 41.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ most of these older posters are Preg after infertility treatments and know for certain that the want to be older patents. It is VERY hard to RAISE a child when you ate 43 and yr husband is 55.

Pfft ridiculous. I am surely a better mom in my 40s than I possibly could have been in my 20s. Much wiser about my fellow humans than previously.

Absolutely. I would have been a dreadful mother when working at 30 full time in a law firm. I had my kids "late" and both have benefited from my husband's and my education and maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person in DC area who actually had a completely planned pregnancy in my 20s? We had been married a couple years, had bought a home and had a steady income.

Sorry, it is just so odd that people act like all 20-something parents had oops/unplanned pregnancies and/or weren't ready to be parents.

I wish this poster well and have had plenty of 40 something mom friends. I don't know that we really parented our kids all that differently.

I think it's just hard to be ready in your 20s. I had an unplanned pregnancy in my 20s and was just finishing grad school, renting a crappy apartment, and had no kind of career established. It was rough for us. Doesn't mean our experience is universal, though--you sound like you were absolutely ready! And at the end of the day, our baby was worth every struggle 1000 times over. She is the light of my days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person in DC area who actually had a completely planned pregnancy in my 20s? We had been married a couple years, had bought a home and had a steady income.

Sorry, it is just so odd that people act like all 20-something parents had oops/unplanned pregnancies and/or weren't ready to be parents.

I wish this poster well and have had plenty of 40 something mom friends. I don't know that we really parented our kids all that differently.

I think it's just hard to be ready in your 20s. I had an unplanned pregnancy in my 20s and was just finishing grad school, renting a crappy apartment, and had no kind of career established. It was rough for us. Doesn't mean our experience is universal, though--you sound like you were absolutely ready! And at the end of the day, our baby was worth every struggle 1000 times over. She is the light of my days.

Fair enough. I just was throwing out there that not everyone in their 20s is partying and unsettled and/or struggling. I knew plenty who were, but it just wasn't our reality. I had finished grad school, had been working for 7ish years (not really a career, but steady work that paid)

Frankly, it is a strange thing to be a mom in your late 20s, which is absolutely the norm in most other areas of the country, yet to be treated as a some sort of young/almost teen parent. It probably didn't help that I look pretty young, too - I was often mistaken for my child's nanny in the early years.

I don't knock parents in their 30s/40s and whatever their reasons for waiting to start a family. I'm actually am just now having my second in my mid-late 30s. I just get a little furstrated by the prevailing attitude in this area that parents in their 20s didn't plan ahead or whatever. Granted, we didn't have millions in the bank or a huge home, but we were stable.