Unexpected pregnancy in my 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. Pro choices go away please. You are not the one who is making the decision to have or raise the result of this pregnancy. It is very late in life for the husband who is 55 years old and also pretty late for the mom who is 43. It is her decision not yours to make.
The greatest number of abortions in the us are women in their 30s and 40s.
This is not a thread called s/ o pro choice.

+1

[Anonymous]

Can we please stop the abortion debate? It will never be solved.

I think the OP has a lot to sort through for herself. But only she and her husband can make this decision. She has to think about risks, pros/cons, etc. But only she and her husband know which of these hold the most weight for them.

Yes, terminating is an option, but not the only one. In her shoes, I would probably choose to continue the pregnancy. But, that is how I feel, and it is not my place to tell anyone how THEY should feel.

I'm currently in my third trimester with a baby we never thought would happen for us. We thought we were probably going to be one and done and were coming to terms with that, then I unexpectedly became pregnant with no medical help (our only conception in 3.5 years of trying previously had been through an IUI, and I had a m/c). I'm not a religious person, but I look at this as a blessing and exactly the way it was supposed to happen. The timing isn't perfect (our first will be in 3rd grade this fall, I'm not currently working and things are a little tight, there is some unfortunate family drama that we've been dealing with over the past year), but we're going to make it work because we had remained open to more kids all along. We're happy to be unexpectedly expecting, even though it will be a challenge.

I say again, only OP knows how she and her husband privately feel. They can weigh the possible risks of a pregnancy and starting a family later in life, but it isn't necessarily a disaster just because it would be for others. Maybe this baby will bring them more joy than they ever knew possible? Again, only they can answer this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think the OP has a lot to sort through for herself. But only she and her husband can make this decision. She has to think about risks, pros/cons, etc. But only she and her husband know which of these hold the most weight for them.

I agree. Also, this is a perfect statement of the pro-choice position.

[Anonymous]

I had a baby at 44. It has not been a good experience. Our child has SN and then in addition both my DH and I became very ill in our 50s. We have no idea how we are going to continue to care for our child as it is taking most of our time and resources to take care of our own medical needs. Not everyone is healthy in their 50s. This developed at age 57.

[Anonymous]

OP have you come back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby at 44. It has not been a good experience. Our child has SN and then in addition both my DH and I became very ill in our 50s. We have no idea how we are going to continue to care for our child as it is taking most of our time and resources to take care of our own medical needs. Not everyone is healthy in their 50s. This developed at age 57.

Can I ask what SN you child has? And you guys?

[Anonymous]

you can give your child up for adoption if you are so worried but i don't think 44 is old at all.. and hire an au pair to help out if necessary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had an unexpected pregnant late in life (45 and 47, and already had two girls, ages 10 & 12) and ultimately ended up terminating the pregnancy because we just weren't in a position to raise a baby. Three years later, with girls about to enter high school and our 50s looming in the horizon, I am VERY glad we made the choice we did.

Omg. There are no words for that.

I have words for it. My words are: I'm glad that OP and her partner were able to make the decision that they considered best for themselves and their family.

My words are killing a a child out of convenience. Lovely people.

+1

I bet there are hundreds of families who would have happily adopted the baby through private adoption because it came from college educated, nondrug using parents rather than the low SES teenager or 20-something whose health history is full of lies, omissions, etc.

i would have!

[Anonymous]

So now you want op to be a surrogate mom for you? Have the baby and then give it to you? Entitled much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So now you want op to be a surrogate mom for you? Have the baby and then give it to you? Entitled much?

She isn't sure she wants it and most people aren't into abortion and this includes OP or she would have run out and done just that. It's a good solution. But i wasn't referring to OP I was referring to PP who aborted when her kids were 10 and 12 because it wasn't convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now you want op to be a surrogate mom for you? Have the baby and then give it to you? Entitled much?

She isn't sure she wants it and most people aren't into abortion and this includes OP or she would have run out and done just that. It's a good solution. But i wasn't referring to OP I was referring to PP who aborted when her kids were 10 and 12 because it wasn't convenient.

Indeed, very few people are into abortion -- if by "into abortion" you mean, "Yay! I want to have an abortion, because having an abortion is fun!"

In contrast, many people have an abortion. In fact, 3 in 10 women will have had an abortion by age 45, at 2008 abortion rates.

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_induced_abortion.html

[Anonymous]

Most people are not into abortion? There are well over a million abortions in the us each year. They just ate not telling YOU about it.

[Anonymous]

most people don't share news about terminations. I can almost guarantee you all know at least one good friend who has terminated, for any number of reasons. They just don't shout it from the rooftops because it is such a sensitive topic and people are incredibly judgmental, no matter the circumstances.

Having to terminate a pregnancy does not make one "into abortion." There are any number of reasons that people have chosen termination that have nothing to do with inconvenience or slutty behavior. Danger to the mother or horrible genetic abnormality/incompatible with life conditions are the ones that come to my mind and I'm sure there is more. These are usually people who wish they could continue a healthy pregnancy but it just isn't going to be possible, and it is heart-wrenching to have to make this call.

[Anonymous]

OP any thoughts ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:most people don't share news about terminations. I can almost guarantee you all know at least one good friend who has terminated, for any number of reasons. They just don't shout it from the rooftops because it is such a sensitive topic and people are incredibly judgmental, no matter the circumstances.

Having to terminate a pregnancy does not make one "into abortion." There are any number of reasons that people have chosen termination that have nothing to do with inconvenience or slutty behavior. Danger to the mother or horrible genetic abnormality/incompatible with life conditions are the ones that come to my mind and I'm sure there is more. These are usually people who wish they could continue a healthy pregnancy but it just isn't going to be possible, and it is heart-wrenching to have to make this call.

Danger or incompatibility with life is way different than an abortion bc it's inconvenient (like a PP).