How exactly do you get rejected for sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I will answer honestly.

If I'm not in the mood, I will attempt to signal this subtly well before bed. Remarks about long exhausting day, looking forward to early bed time, hoping to read myself to sleep quickly, etc. I put on the least attractive sleep clothes I own. I lie on my side facing away from him. If he tries to initiate sex, I tell him that I love him very much, but that I am exhausted and just want to go to sleep, that I hope to feel better on the morrow.

We have sex on average 5x/week. The "rejections" are not related to low desire or lack of attraction, but to genuine exhaustion. I don't like having sex during my period usually. I don't like having sex when I'm sick. H and I are pretty much on the same page about all of that, and he's secure in our sexual relationship. Honestly, he does the same thing some nights!

You sound like a wonderful wife. Your husband has no valid complaint about the 2x per week you shoot him down but he probably still does -- I know I would lol. We have sex of some type 4 or 5 times a week, and DW has even told me she would have sex of give me a bj every day if I wanted, but I don't enjoy it as much when it seems like she's checking off another one of the household chores . She would be good with twice a week. What are some of the things your husband does to get / keep you in the mood more frequently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I just have this feeling that for women it's like "Oh honey, not tonight" and it's no big deal, but for the guy he's crushed and frustrated and it builds up inside him after awhile. I want to understand the emotional aspect from both sides so I can write about it.

I can only speak directly for my part in my situation. I'm a husband. We have sex maybe 3x per month. This is an increase from recent years where it got down to once a month -- including a stretch where we went 2 months and my alarm bells started ringing. My wife has stated that she thinks once a week is probably the "right" amount. I'd like it a little more than that. I think, intellectually, she'd like it that amount but in reality she's not in the mood that frequently.

So, that's background. When we're up to once a week and I get rejected, it's not that big a deal. When it's been 2 weeks or more, I initiate and get rejected, I start to seethe. When she says "maybe tomorrow" and doesn't initiate tomorrow herself, I get particularly angry. When I've tried to initiate and she puts me off until "tomorrow," I regard it as being on her to initiate. This is not a great strategy for getting laid, but seems to help me have a self-righteous pity party for myself when she doesn't follow through.

As for other couples, I think it's probably more common for the wife to be the lower drive spouse. But it's far from universal. And I think it probably stings more for a woman to get rejected by her husband than vice versa. Culturally, we're conditioned to believe that men want sex all the time and should pursue while women want sex less and should be pursued. So, if a woman goes against the grain a little bit and does the pursuing only to get rejected by the man (who is supposed to want sex all the time), I would think it's more damaging to the ego. Men expect to get rejected some of the time at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As for other couples, I think it's probably more common for the wife to be the lower drive spouse. But it's far from universal. And I think it probably stings more for a woman to get rejected by her husband than vice versa. Culturally, we're conditioned to believe that men want sex all the time and should pursue while women want sex less and should be pursued. So, if a woman goes against the grain a little bit and does the pursuing only to get rejected by the man (who is supposed to want sex all the time), I would think it's more damaging to the ego. Men expect to get rejected some of the time at least.

I agree. Being rejected is a serious blow. I think it has to do with the importance women put on being attractive and desired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL to the previous posters.

I had a boyfriend who was often not in the mood. He would say he was too tired or didn't feel well if I tried to initiate, and he rarely initiated himself. I decided based on that and some other stuff (he was overweight, sedentary, found small things overwhelming) that he was depressed and since we hadn't been dating long and he seemed uninterested in changing things, I dumped him, but stayed in touch as friends.

He was diagnosed shortly thereafter with a tumor the size of a football. It was removed and he was like a different person. I was glad he finally figured out what the hell was wrong, but obviously it was too late by then.

Yikes, where was the tumor? How was he diagnosed? That's scary. My DH has many of the same problems. I suspect low testosterone though. But a tumor is scary!

[Anonymous]

After a particularly long stretch of my DW complaining about being tired, headache, sore calves, stiff neck etc I declared "if I wanted to discuss the health with a woman who won't have sex with me I'd hire a fucking 70 year old walmart greeter!"

Slight improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I know your joking but I have male acquaintances who have treated girls like absolute shit, and yet these girls are on the doorstep the second the guy texts saying he wants a hook up. And these girls are in their mid 20s. Makes me so sad.

Treat 'em like shit is the best and easiest way to get laid. Treating women with dignity and respect doesn't get you laid.

[Anonymous]

My GF and I have been dating for almost two years and she is by far the one with the higher sex drive. She'd probably have sex every day if she could (we don't live together) while I am happy with once a week. We used to have sex a lot more when we started dating, of course, but the flame has kind of died down. I do feel bad when I reject her (I never though as a younger man in my early/mid 20s I'd actually reject a woman's advances for sex), but I try to initiate on other occasions. She's a great woman, and I am still attracted to her, but it's just not like it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Let's put it this way: near as I can tell, DW's period is permanent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only speak directly for my part in my situation. I'm a husband. We have sex maybe 3x per month. This is an increase from recent years where it got down to once a month -- including a stretch where we went 2 months and my alarm bells started ringing. My wife has stated that she thinks once a week is probably the "right" amount. I'd like it a little more than that. I think, intellectually, she'd like it that amount but in reality she's not in the mood that frequently.

So, that's background. When we're up to once a week and I get rejected, it's not that big a deal. When it's been 2 weeks or more, I initiate and get rejected, I start to seethe. When she says "maybe tomorrow" and doesn't initiate tomorrow herself, I get particularly angry. When I've tried to initiate and she puts me off until "tomorrow," I regard it as being on her to initiate. This is not a great strategy for getting laid, but seems to help me have a self-righteous pity party for myself when she doesn't follow through.

You just described my situation to a T.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My GF and I have been dating for almost two years and she is by far the one with the higher sex drive. She'd probably have sex every day if she could (we don't live together) while I am happy with once a week. We used to have sex a lot more when we started dating, of course, but the flame has kind of died down. I do feel bad when I reject her (I never though as a younger man in my early/mid 20s I'd actually reject a woman's advances for sex), but I try to initiate on other occasions. She's a great woman, and I am still attracted to her, but it's just not like it used to be.

Do her a favor and break up with her. Please don't get married. This will only get worse with marriage and more time.

[Anonymous]

Agree strongly with above.

[Anonymous]

Who said I wanted to marry her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said I wanted to marry her?

Two years is kind of a longer term relationship. So if you've been dating that long and you're not planning to marry her, then what is your plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said I wanted to marry her?

Two years is kind of a longer term relationship. So if you've been dating that long and you're not planning to marry her, then what is your plan?

None of your god damn business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said I wanted to marry her?

Two years is kind of a longer term relationship. So if you've been dating that long and you're not planning to marry her, then what is your plan?

None of your god damn business.

Haha. Ok buddy. Good luck!