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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I just have this feeling that for women it's like "Oh honey, not tonight" and it's no big deal, but for the guy he's crushed and frustrated and it builds up inside him after awhile.  I want to understand the emotional aspect from both sides so I can write about it.[/quote]

I can only speak directly for my part in my situation. I'm a husband. We have sex maybe 3x per month. This is an increase from recent years where it got down to once a month -- including a stretch where we went 2 months and my alarm bells started ringing. My wife has stated that she thinks once a week is probably the "right" amount. I'd like it a little more than that. I think, intellectually, she'd like it that amount but in reality she's not in the mood that frequently.

So, that's background. When we're up to once a week and I get rejected, it's not that big a deal. When it's been 2 weeks or more, I initiate and get rejected, I start to seethe. When she says "maybe tomorrow" and doesn't initiate tomorrow herself, I get particularly angry. When I've tried to initiate and she puts me off until "tomorrow," I regard it as being on her to initiate. This is not a great strategy for getting laid, but seems to help me have a self-righteous pity party for myself when she doesn't follow through.

As for other couples, I think it's probably  more common for the wife to be the lower drive spouse. But it's far from universal. And I think it probably stings more for a woman to get rejected by her husband than vice versa. Culturally, we're conditioned to believe that men want sex all the time and should pursue while women want sex less and should be pursued. So, if a woman goes against the grain a little bit and does the pursuing only to get rejected by the man (who is supposed to want sex all the time), I would think it's more damaging to the ego. Men expect to get rejected some of the time at least. [/quote]

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