Throwing husband a bone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband throws me a bone every four or five days. He would be happy with sex three or four times a month, but knows I get cranky if it's too long. What he doesn't know is how frequently I have O's solo. He would be amazed. My sex drive has always been higher than his but now that we're in our 40s, his is still the same and mine is much higher.

I'm happy he agrees to have it even when he's not particularly in the mood.

Once a week sex is pretty decent, average.

If he were curing cancer or training for a marathon, or actually playing with the kids or doing chores to make my life easier, I could maybe see it. It's the overall low energy and laziness that results in him doing little in life in general, including having sex, that drives me bananas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world would I want to fuck my husband that's negative and mean? Screw that. I'm better than that and kicked him to the curb. Plus the sex sucked. Sex is NEVER a marital duty - ever. I agree - Self Esteem Ladies!

When you're with a man you love, do you like sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect most of the posters here either have mutual libidos with their spouse, or they are the lower libido one. You have no idea the kind of havoc that constant rejection and lack of intimacy/affection can wreak on a marriage. It isn't as simple as sex.

I have the higher libido than DH. Thankfully he recognized what the rejection was doing to our marriage and we have worked out a compromise that has saved our relationship. The actual issue of not having sex (as in the physical action of it) was only about 15% of the problem. The other 85% was caused by other stuff related to the lack of sex.

May I ask how you compromised? Nothing I've been able to do has made my DH come around - expressing my needs rationally and calmly, letting it go for weeks or a month at a time, etc. This was after a year of outright flirtation and trying to have sex and getting constantly rejected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the people who posted in that thread recommending it. While I don't think anyone should feel forced to do anything they don't want to do, sometimes I think it can help. In my own marriage, I make it a (tacit) rule to initiate twice a week. It's crazy how much of a difference it makes in his general mood and his treatment towards me. I guess if we go too long without it, we start to feel more like roommates and parenting partners than a romantic couple. I don't really know if this is common or not. I will say though that I when I hear people talking about only having sex once or twice a month or less, I don't know how their marriages survive long term (barring medical conditions, etc.).

OMG you fuck him so he treats you better. wow
What a fuckwad you both are.

Self esteem ladies!!!!

It's not about self esteem you moron!!! It's about doing things for the partner you love that you know makes him/her happy. I say it takes more self esteem to admit that you love your partner and are willing to compromise occasionally than live like you. Must be miserable.

[Anonymous]

My husband's low drive was bothersome until I got pregant. Now I feel like I hit the lottery lol. I am so damn tired!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the people who posted in that thread recommending it. While I don't think anyone should feel forced to do anything they don't want to do, sometimes I think it can help. In my own marriage, I make it a (tacit) rule to initiate twice a week. It's crazy how much of a difference it makes in his general mood and his treatment towards me. I guess if we go too long without it, we start to feel more like roommates and parenting partners than a romantic couple. I don't really know if this is common or not. I will say though that I when I hear people talking about only having sex once or twice a month or less, I don't know how their marriages survive long term (barring medical conditions, etc.).

OMG you fuck him so he treats you better. wow
What a fuckwad you both are.

Self esteem ladies!!!!

Curious to know if you are married? I see most of these comments coming from sad, single "independent" women. I'm a woman btw.

I agree with PP directly above. She is very confused about what self esteem means. I'm a single woman BTW too.

[Anonymous]

I wish my husband's dick would fall off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect most of the posters here either have mutual libidos with their spouse, or they are the lower libido one. You have no idea the kind of havoc that constant rejection and lack of intimacy/affection can wreak on a marriage. It isn't as simple as sex.

I have the higher libido than DH. Thankfully he recognized what the rejection was doing to our marriage and we have worked out a compromise that has saved our relationship. The actual issue of not having sex (as in the physical action of it) was only about 15% of the problem. The other 85% was caused by other stuff related to the lack of sex.

May I ask how you compromised? Nothing I've been able to do has made my DH come around - expressing my needs rationally and calmly, letting it go for weeks or a month at a time, etc. This was after a year of outright flirtation and trying to have sex and getting constantly rejected.

Well the main thing is that DH did come around. He knew what the lack of sex was doing to our marriage and felt guilty about it. Part of the problem was we always waited til bed to have sex, and he was always too tired. So we worked out weekend sex during DS' nap time (he's a year old), and planned out sex. Both DH and I need time to decompress so we worked out a schedule. It isn't a set schedule more like...2 week days a week we will watch a movie in bed together after dinner. Weekends are great because we have family time, sexy time, and alone time.

One of the other problems was I would always try to come up ways to spice up our sex life (I thought part of the issue was boredom) and Dh would agree and then never follow through on any of my ideas. So we both made lists of things we'd like to do and compiled them into a list of things we both liked and then put that list in our nightstand. At least once a month we incorporate one of those things into our sex life.

We are also very affectionate daily, kissing, hugging, cuddling with no expectation or pressure that it will lead to sex.

I'm sure there is more small stuff (like me agreeing to not feel rejected if DH is tired or not in the mood) but I forget as it was awhile ago. We went from once a week sex to 3-5 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship. The lack of affection and sex led to the downfall of several relationships. I don't expect that my partner is going to want sex as often as I do, but rejection that stretches into weeks and months is a relationship killer.

I'm a single woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship. The lack of affection and sex led to the downfall of several relationships. I don't expect that my partner is going to want sex as often as I do, but rejection that stretches into weeks and months is a relationship killer.

I'm a single woman.

compromise on both sides is the key. I'm an "at least once a day but would prefer more" type of girl, even with an 11 month old. DH is a twice a week type of guy. We usually avg 4 times a week. We love each other and respect each other, which is why we reached a compromise. Unwillingness to compromise on either side is a bad sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship. The lack of affection and sex led to the downfall of several relationships. I don't expect that my partner is going to want sex as often as I do, but rejection that stretches into weeks and months is a relationship killer.

I'm a single woman.

compromise on both sides is the key. I'm an "at least once a day but would prefer more" type of girl, even with an 11 month old. DH is a twice a week type of guy. We usually avg 4 times a week. We love each other and respect each other, which is why we reached a compromise. Unwillingness to compromise on either side is a bad sign.

Agreed, but sex a few times a year is not a compromise I can live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship. The lack of affection and sex led to the downfall of several relationships. I don't expect that my partner is going to want sex as often as I do, but rejection that stretches into weeks and months is a relationship killer.

I'm a single woman.

compromise on both sides is the key. I'm an "at least once a day but would prefer more" type of girl, even with an 11 month old. DH is a twice a week type of guy. We usually avg 4 times a week. We love each other and respect each other, which is why we reached a compromise. Unwillingness to compromise on either side is a bad sign.

Agreed, but sex a few times a year is not a compromise I can live with.

Well then it isn't a compromise. When I say both people have to reach a compromise, I mean one that they are happy with. Which should usually be somewhere in the middle of both their desires. One wants it once a week and one wants it once a month. Compromise once every other week. Neither side is going to be 100% happy, but there is a medium where both should be happy enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship. The lack of affection and sex led to the downfall of several relationships. I don't expect that my partner is going to want sex as often as I do, but rejection that stretches into weeks and months is a relationship killer.

I'm a single woman.

compromise on both sides is the key. I'm an "at least once a day but would prefer more" type of girl, even with an 11 month old. DH is a twice a week type of guy. We usually avg 4 times a week. We love each other and respect each other, which is why we reached a compromise. Unwillingness to compromise on either side is a bad sign.

Agreed, but sex a few times a year is not a compromise I can live with.

Well then it isn't a compromise. When I say both people have to reach a compromise, I mean one that they are happy with. Which should usually be somewhere in the middle of both their desires. One wants it once a week and one wants it once a month. Compromise once every other week. Neither side is going to be 100% happy, but there is a medium where both should be happy enough.

In theory, yes. In reality, having my sexual needs ignored does serious damage to a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship. The lack of affection and sex led to the downfall of several relationships. I don't expect that my partner is going to want sex as often as I do, but rejection that stretches into weeks and months is a relationship killer.

I'm a single woman.

compromise on both sides is the key. I'm an "at least once a day but would prefer more" type of girl, even with an 11 month old. DH is a twice a week type of guy. We usually avg 4 times a week. We love each other and respect each other, which is why we reached a compromise. Unwillingness to compromise on either side is a bad sign.

Agreed, but sex a few times a year is not a compromise I can live with.

Well then it isn't a compromise. When I say both people have to reach a compromise, I mean one that they are happy with. Which should usually be somewhere in the middle of both their desires. One wants it once a week and one wants it once a month. Compromise once every other week. Neither side is going to be 100% happy, but there is a medium where both should be happy enough.

In theory, yes. In reality, having my sexual needs ignored does serious damage to a relationship.

PP you've been posting with you. I hear you. I'm very lucky that DH realized this and was willing to work on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the people who posted in that thread recommending it. While I don't think anyone should feel forced to do anything they don't want to do, sometimes I think it can help. In my own marriage, I make it a (tacit) rule to initiate twice a week. It's crazy how much of a difference it makes in his general mood and his treatment towards me. I guess if we go too long without it, we start to feel more like roommates and parenting partners than a romantic couple. I don't really know if this is common or not. I will say though that I when I hear people talking about only having sex once or twice a month or less, I don't know how their marriages survive long term (barring medical conditions, etc.).

OMG you fuck him so he treats you better. wow
What a fuckwad you both are.

Self esteem ladies!!!!

It's not like he's rude or abusive without it. He's just a little crankier in general.