Throwing husband a bone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband throws me a bone every four or five days. He would be happy with sex three or four times a month, but knows I get cranky if it's too long. What he doesn't know is how frequently I have O's solo. He would be amazed. My sex drive has always been higher than his but now that we're in our 40s, his is still the same and mine is much higher.

I'm happy he agrees to have it even when he's not particularly in the mood.

Once a week sex is pretty decent, average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the people who posted in that thread recommending it. While I don't think anyone should feel forced to do anything they don't want to do, sometimes I think it can help. In my own marriage, I make it a (tacit) rule to initiate twice a week. It's crazy how much of a difference it makes in his general mood and his treatment towards me. I guess if we go too long without it, we start to feel more like roommates and parenting partners than a romantic couple. I don't really know if this is common or not. I will say though that I when I hear people talking about only having sex once or twice a month or less, I don't know how their marriages survive long term (barring medical conditions, etc.).

OMG you fuck him so he treats you better. wow
What a fuckwad you both are.

Self esteem ladies!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. It's part of the marital duty.

omg. You think people should have sex out of duty even when they don't want to? What is this, Victorian England? Just lay back and think of the empire dear.

Yes, I do. If not, just get the divorce.

Look, not talking about once in a while "not tonight dear, I have a headache." That's fine.

But routine and systemic rebuffs are absolutely cruel and a dereliction of marital duty.

If he seeks a divorce for this reason alone, he didn't love you much to begin with.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

yes. If her antipathy to it is so strong that she can not do this, she should seek therapy. It is not healthy for the marriage or for her. Presumably there was a time when this was not so, or she should not have married (or should have told her potential spouse that this was true so he could back out before getting into that kind of marriage)

[Anonymous]

It isn't about throwing him a bone. It is about contributing to intimacy within the marriage. It isn't something either party should demand or refuse (overall). If one partner sees sex as a chore one does - to me that person has the problem. No different than if someone thinks showing affection or appreciation is just a chore to check off as part of a marriage and that the other person shouldn't expect it.

And the expectation of sex within a marriage is no more selfish than the expectation of companionship, affection, trust, love, validation, etc... Sex is part of a healthy marriage.

[Anonymous]

What so many of you seem to fail to understand that if one spouse isn't interested in sex, it causes issues far more than just lack of sex. Rejection, lack of intimacy, lack of affection...etc.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would I want to fuck my husband that's negative and mean? Screw that. I'm better than that and kicked him to the curb. Plus the sex sucked. Sex is NEVER a marital duty - ever. I agree - Self Esteem Ladies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. It's part of the marital duty.

omg. You think people should have sex out of duty even when they don't want to? What is this, Victorian England? Just lay back and think of the empire dear.

Yes, I do. If not, just get the divorce.

Look, not talking about once in a while "not tonight dear, I have a headache." That's fine.

But routine and systemic rebuffs are absolutely cruel and a dereliction of marital duty.

As a female I totally agree with you. What's the point of being married to be in a platonic relationship? That's what friends are for. Totally not fair of women to hold out on sex and then cry asshole when he gets his most basic needs met elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't about throwing him a bone. It is about contributing to intimacy within the marriage. It isn't something either party should demand or refuse (overall). If one partner sees sex as a chore one does - to me that person has the problem. No different than if someone thinks showing affection or appreciation is just a chore to check off as part of a marriage and that the other person shouldn't expect it.

And the expectation of sex within a marriage is no more selfish than the expectation of companionship, affection, trust, love, validation, etc... Sex is part of a healthy marriage.

+1.

I used to think like the PPs who are up in arms about this - but age and maturity have changed my views. Sex is VERY important to my DH and not very important to me. It's not a chore for me, but it's not the top of my list. I make love to him as often as I do because it makes him happy, satisfied and helps him to feel close to me. He does other things for me that make me happy and satisfied in return. It works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the people who posted in that thread recommending it. While I don't think anyone should feel forced to do anything they don't want to do, sometimes I think it can help. In my own marriage, I make it a (tacit) rule to initiate twice a week. It's crazy how much of a difference it makes in his general mood and his treatment towards me. I guess if we go too long without it, we start to feel more like roommates and parenting partners than a romantic couple. I don't really know if this is common or not. I will say though that I when I hear people talking about only having sex once or twice a month or less, I don't know how their marriages survive long term (barring medical conditions, etc.).

OMG you fuck him so he treats you better. wow
What a fuckwad you both are.

Self esteem ladies!!!!

Curious to know if you are married? I see most of these comments coming from sad, single "independent" women. I'm a woman btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. It's part of the marital duty.

omg. You think people should have sex out of duty even when they don't want to? What is this, Victorian England? Just lay back and think of the empire dear.

Yes, I do. If not, just get the divorce.

Look, not talking about once in a while "not tonight dear, I have a headache." That's fine.

But routine and systemic rebuffs are absolutely cruel and a dereliction of marital duty.

If he seeks a divorce for this reason alone, he didn't love you much to begin with.

Oh bull shit. I love lots of people I don't have sex with. I just didn't marry them. The difference is that I have pledged sexual fidelity to my wife. Marriage is a sexual relationship. If a spouse *can't* have sex, that's one thing. If a spouse *won't* that's another.

And, no, I don't particularly want to have sex with my wife unless she's attracted to me. But if she's not attracted, then getting that shit figured out pronto is a #1 priority. If she's just shrugging her shoulders and not particularly motivated to help fix the problem; then we should probably part ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. It's part of the marital duty.

omg. You think people should have sex out of duty even when they don't want to? What is this, Victorian England? Just lay back and think of the empire dear.

Yes, I do. If not, just get the divorce.

Look, not talking about once in a while "not tonight dear, I have a headache." That's fine.

But routine and systemic rebuffs are absolutely cruel and a dereliction of marital duty.

If he seeks a divorce for this reason alone, he didn't love you much to begin with.

On the other hand if she doesn't want to have sex with him, she probably didn't love him much to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the people who posted in that thread recommending it. While I don't think anyone should feel forced to do anything they don't want to do, sometimes I think it can help. In my own marriage, I make it a (tacit) rule to initiate twice a week. It's crazy how much of a difference it makes in his general mood and his treatment towards me. I guess if we go too long without it, we start to feel more like roommates and parenting partners than a romantic couple. I don't really know if this is common or not. I will say though that I when I hear people talking about only having sex once or twice a month or less, I don't know how their marriages survive long term (barring medical conditions, etc.).

OMG you fuck him so he treats you better. wow
What a fuckwad you both are.

Self esteem ladies!!!!

Curious to know if you are married? I see most of these comments coming from sad, single "independent" women. I'm a woman btw.

Married 15 years, yes.

[Anonymous]

I suspect most of the posters here either have mutual libidos with their spouse, or they are the lower libido one. You have no idea the kind of havoc that constant rejection and lack of intimacy/affection can wreak on a marriage. It isn't as simple as sex.

I have the higher libido than DH. Thankfully he recognized what the rejection was doing to our marriage and we have worked out a compromise that has saved our relationship. The actual issue of not having sex (as in the physical action of it) was only about 15% of the problem. The other 85% was caused by other stuff related to the lack of sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What so many of you seem to fail to understand that if one spouse isn't interested in sex, it causes issues far more than just lack of sex. Rejection, lack of intimacy, lack of affection...etc.

+1. Physical touch (which for a marriage includes sex) is very important to human connections and emotional development.