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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suspect most of the posters here either have mutual libidos with their spouse, or they are the lower libido one.  You have no idea the kind of havoc that constant rejection and lack of intimacy/affection can wreak on a marriage.  It isn't as simple as sex.

I have the higher libido than DH.  Thankfully he recognized what the rejection was doing to our marriage and we have worked out a compromise that has saved our relationship.  The actual issue of not having sex (as in the physical action of it) was only about 15% of the problem.  The other 85% was caused by other stuff related to the lack of sex.  [/quote]

May I ask how you compromised?  Nothing I've been able to do has made my DH come around - expressing my needs rationally and calmly, letting it go for weeks or a month at a time, etc.  This was after a year of outright flirtation and trying to have sex and getting constantly rejected.  [/quote]

Well the main thing is that DH did come around.  He knew what the lack of sex was doing to our marriage and felt guilty about it.  Part of the problem was we always waited til bed to have sex, and he was always too tired.  So we worked out weekend sex during DS' nap time (he's a year old), and planned out sex.  Both DH and I need time to decompress so we worked out a schedule.  It isn't a set schedule more like...2 week days a week we will watch a movie in bed together after dinner.  Weekends are great because we have family time, sexy time, and alone time.

One of the other problems was I would always try to come up ways to spice up our sex life (I thought part of the issue was boredom) and Dh would agree and then never follow through on any of my ideas.  So we both made lists of things we'd like to do and compiled them into a list of things we both liked and then put that list in our nightstand.  At least once a month we incorporate one of those things into our sex life.

We are also very affectionate daily, kissing, hugging, cuddling with no expectation or pressure that it will lead to sex.

I'm sure there is more small stuff (like me agreeing to not feel rejected if DH is tired or not in the mood) but I forget as it was awhile ago.   We went from once a week sex to 3-5 times a week.  [/quote]

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