In a pickle over daughter and ivy college choice....am I overthinking this?

[Anonymous]

I was a solidly middle class daughter of a blue color working father and a teacher mother and I attended an Ivy after my public school education.

I can only recall one time when I truly recognized that I simply didn't have the money some of my friends did - otherwise, we were all in random dorms, with random roommates (and in fact, I got luckier in housing than some of my friends who turned out to have parents far wealthier than I can ever dream of being). The one time, I went to dinner with a group of friends off campus. One girl ordered several appetizers "for the table" that only she ate, several glasses of wine, the most expensive entree, and several desserts "for the table" that only she ate. I had the $10 burger and water given it took me over 2 hours of working my work-study job to even earn that once I figured in a tip. At the end of dinner, she looked at the bill and told everyone it would be $50 each. I nearly choked on my water. I had to explain I didn't have that kind of money and could only afford to pay for my burger and tip. I never would have agreed to go to dinner if I had any clue that was how it would go, in college people didn't generally split the bill since most of us were on budgets!

My parents sent me no allowance, and cobbled together my tuition from student loans for me, outside scholarships that I earned, a small amount of grant money, what I earned on summer and other breaks, and my work-study job. I am forever in their debt for that sacrifice and fully realize how much of a struggle it was for them.

So, all that said, if your daughter worships wealth, there is nothing you can really do to change that at this point. That ship sailed years ago. She will seek that crowd at any institution.

And that said, you may think she's a shoo-in, but regardless of what you think, don't count your chickens. I have interviewed many students from every private and public school in this area over the years for my college and I have stopped even being remotely surprised at the ones that don't get in.

[Anonymous]

I think you should send her to community college OP. It sounds like you want her to have a lot of "diversity" and she'll certainly get it there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are over thinking. Privilege exists are every college. So do students from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. I went to a large public university - still knew A LOT of people who had more money than they knew what to do with, household help, multiple homes, etc. As an adult, I know many Ivy graduates who went on scholarship or were just smart kids from normal backgrounds.

Please let your daughter make her own decision about where to attend college and leave your own reservations/worries/fears/insecurities out of it. This choice is one of the first big ones in shaping her life - let her decide what type of environment fits her best.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's me OP, yes I agree to a point that she seems a little taken with the wealth thing but then again she is in a school where its prevalent and spending big is rampant. I cannot blame her for it but secretly always longed for her to start college and break away if you will. Now, this hardly looks like it could be the case is my point.

I do not want to appear smug about how sure I am that she will get in but I will say that I feel very confident that she will and if she doesn't then problem solved

I really do not see her seeking out these kinds of people if she were left to her own devices, I think she would stay closer to her for the comfort security and the fringe benefits that admittedly she has grown accustomed to.

Well time will tell and we will find out soon enough. Thank you for weighing in....off to take her to her SAT class.

[Anonymous]

OP is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Why is your DD still taking an SAT class in the fall of senior year? Didn't she get all that over with last year? My senior finished SAT prep last March. If she's taking the SATs again in October that means she must not have done well enough last year. I can't imagine there is an Ivy bound kid at any of the top schools who wouldn't have taken the SAT's last year. Something is fishy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DD still taking an SAT class in the fall of senior year? Didn't she get all that over with last year? My senior finished SAT prep last March. If she's taking the SATs again in October that means she must not have done well enough last year. I can't imagine there is an Ivy bound kid at any of the top schools who wouldn't have taken the SAT's last year. Something is fishy here.

Most kids score higher on their SAT during the senior year retake. Our counselor said at DD's school most kids go up 100-150 points unless they were already in the 2300 range. DS scored 200 points higher on his second try which he took senior year. It's not that surprising that a key who wanted to improve an SAT score would take a prep class. Some prep classes are even free the second time around depending on circumstances. When you look at a schools's reported SAT scores, those include the senior year retakes, which are usually higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DD still taking an SAT class in the fall of senior year? Didn't she get all that over with last year? My senior finished SAT prep last March. If she's taking the SATs again in October that means she must not have done well enough last year. I can't imagine there is an Ivy bound kid at any of the top schools who wouldn't have taken the SAT's last year. Something is fishy here.

Most kids score higher on their SAT during the senior year retake. Our counselor said at DD's school most kids go up 100-150 points unless they were already in the 2300 range. DS scored 200 points higher on his second try which he took senior year. It's not that surprising that a key who wanted to improve an SAT score would take a prep class. Some prep classes are even free the second time around depending on circumstances. When you look at a schools's reported SAT scores, those include the senior year retakes, which are usually higher.

+1. Plus, with super-scoring, if you have 2100 you have crossed a basic threshold but not by much, so why not retake and see if you can raise any of the components. Even if you're applying EA or ED, the Octobers results will probably get to the school in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's me OP, yes I agree to a point that she seems a little taken with the wealth thing but then again she is in a school where its prevalent and spending big is rampant. I cannot blame her for it but secretly always longed for her to start college and break away if you will. Now, this hardly looks like it could be the case is my point.

I do not want to appear smug about how sure I am that she will get in but I will say that I feel very confident that she will and if she doesn't then problem solved

I really do not see her seeking out these kinds of people if she were left to her own devices, I think she would stay closer to her for the comfort security and the fringe benefits that admittedly she has grown accustomed to.

Well time will tell and we will find out soon enough. Thank you for weighing in....off to take her to her SAT class.

At some of the most prestigious schools in the country there is far more economic diversity than there is a little further down the food chain. A handful of institutions are still committed to need-blind admissions, and they also cap the amount of debt that students can graduated with. That's a lot different from when I went to one of these schools, but even then there was still plenty of economic diversity. She will make other friends through classes, dorms, activities and study groups. She will not be only with her friend 24/7/365.

Also, your DD's friend will NOT be the only rich kid at school no matter where she goes. At my school, we kind of laughed at the people who went to Paris for the weekend or who had their limo drivers drop them off for classes. They pretty quickly sent Daddy's driver and the limo home once they realized that wasn't "done." But you cannot shield her from rich people by having her go to a different college. Some will be there, too. I would let her make her own way, and if she gets in, then your job is to stand back and let her go. Whatever support and spending limits you set should be set based on your actual facts and not by trying to control her and her friend. This is the first big decision she gets to make, and you need to let go.

[Anonymous]

You are starting to give too much personal info.
Protect your daughter and give no more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DD still taking an SAT class in the fall of senior year? Didn't she get all that over with last year? My senior finished SAT prep last March. If she's taking the SATs again in October that means she must not have done well enough last year. I can't imagine there is an Ivy bound kid at any of the top schools who wouldn't have taken the SAT's last year. Something is fishy here.

Most kids score higher on their SAT during the senior year retake. Our counselor said at DD's school most kids go up 100-150 points unless they were already in the 2300 range. DS scored 200 points higher on his second try which he took senior year. It's not that surprising that a key who wanted to improve an SAT score would take a prep class. Some prep classes are even free the second time around depending on circumstances. When you look at a schools's reported SAT scores, those include the senior year retakes, which are usually higher.

I know all that, but the OP insists that her DD is already guaranteed a spot at a top Ivy. You don't get there with scores that are low enough that you are still doing a prep class your senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No! Not at all but would like her to consider other Ivies/ comparable schools. Or as someone suggested and my husband said the same one stipulation be that she be with a random roommate to as to matriculate like everyone else.

I guess what I did not express well is that I don't like the idea of her going into a school with a "posse" already there, that gives her no reason to branch out at all. Part of this experience is living with a roommate you don't know and learning how to coexist with a perfect stranger in maybe a room that's not so great, and meeting all kinds of new people and making plans with new friends. I just don;t want her to be in X's web....all the time at least.

That seems unlikely unless they room together and major in the same thing and take all the same classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DD still taking an SAT class in the fall of senior year? Didn't she get all that over with last year? My senior finished SAT prep last March. If she's taking the SATs again in October that means she must not have done well enough last year. I can't imagine there is an Ivy bound kid at any of the top schools who wouldn't have taken the SAT's last year. Something is fishy here.

Everyone is so quick to judge. She got a 2320 if you must know but her life dream was scoring a perfect score and she thinks she can. Don't ask. I spent HOURS talking her out of it but she used her own money to pay for this acceleration course....it was her decision and she is taking it again, many seniors do around here and in her school I would venture to say nearly all or most do.

[Anonymous]

I am sure some of you will be quick to lash out about her being so anal to take it again but that's the truth and its HER decision to make. It could be the opposite and then I would really have a reason to be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DD still taking an SAT class in the fall of senior year? Didn't she get all that over with last year? My senior finished SAT prep last March. If she's taking the SATs again in October that means she must not have done well enough last year. I can't imagine there is an Ivy bound kid at any of the top schools who wouldn't have taken the SAT's last year. Something is fishy here.

Most kids score higher on their SAT during the senior year retake. Our counselor said at DD's school most kids go up 100-150 points unless they were already in the 2300 range. DS scored 200 points higher on his second try which he took senior year. It's not that surprising that a key who wanted to improve an SAT score would take a prep class. Some prep classes are even free the second time around depending on circumstances. When you look at a schools's reported SAT scores, those include the senior year retakes, which are usually higher.

I know all that, but the OP insists that her DD is already guaranteed a spot at a top Ivy. You don't get there with scores that are low enough that you are still doing a prep class your senior year.

Exactly. Which is why this thread smells of troll.