dealing with in-laws after infidelity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a feeling that this came to light less than a year ago. If I am correct, then you are in the wrong about wanting the family to move past it. Create a five-year goal and that will be much more realistic. I think apologizing to your In laws one on one would be a good idea. At a certain point when your wife chooses, she will need to tell her family to back down and support her.

Why should he apologize to the in-laws? The issue was, and is, between him and his wife. The in-laws are her family, not the aggrieved party. I think it was wrong for her to trash talk him (versus getting support); this will definitely make their efforts to reconcile way more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a feeling that this came to light less than a year ago. If I am correct, then you are in the wrong about wanting the family to move past it. Create a five-year goal and that will be much more realistic. I think apologizing to your In laws one on one would be a good idea. At a certain point when your wife chooses, she will need to tell her family to back down and support her.

Why should he apologize to the in-laws? The issue was, and is, between him and his wife. The in-laws are her family, not the aggrieved party. I think it was wrong for her to trash talk him (versus getting support); this will definitely make their efforts to reconcile way more difficult.

You apologize to the affected parties. Primarily to the wife, but also to her family since he let them down. That is just how families work.

What did you expect, OP? You fucked up and this us part of the price you pay. Be really good to your wife, never screw up so royally ever again, and it will get better over time. Apologize over and over. This is NOT the time to be indignant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:take your medicine. They will never like you again, but at least you have your wife.

My wife bad-mouthed me to her family when we weren't getting along (not infidelity based) and they were a little pissed at me. However, they figured out she was being a spoiled brat and forgave me.

All you can do is be a better husband and see what happens. Make your wife happy first and don't worry about anything else.

Also, schedule unsupervised visits with your testicles if you can. I know they have been taken from you, but it's healthy to see them occasionally

Ouch, really? They will never like me again?

Of course they will never like you. How naive are you?

[Anonymous]

WTF is an "emotional affair"?

[Anonymous]

Her family will make peace in time. Most familes don't want their did to go thru a divorce when there's children. You did betray her. So itll take time..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF is an "emotional affair"?

From Wikipedia:

An "emotional affair" is an affair which excludes physical intimacy, and is usually based on emotional intimacy. An emotional affair can also be referred to as an affair of the heart. It is a phenomenon that is not limited to married couples, affecting people in serious relationships of every type. An emotional affair may begin innocently as a friendship with a person outside the relationship. Over time, the partner becomes infatuated, obsessed in some cases, with this friend - and eventually tries to become friendlier, spending more time with him or her at the cost of the relationship that person is already in. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, irrespective of whether marriage is planned or not, and irrespective of if the couple is already married or not, an emotional affair can be considered a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair breaches an agreement in the monogamous relationship of one of the partners to the affair, the term infidelity may be more apt.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you and your wife?

What happened in this affair? You are being treated like you were sleeping around, but wasn't it an "emotional" affair?

Also, I don't agree with the calls for him to apologize to the in-laws. They sound overly involved in the situation to begin with.

[Anonymous]

People are being way too bleak here, OP. If you had a decent relationship with IL's, and if you and your DW build a stronger marriage, things will get much better over time. If they are reasonable, rational people, they will root for you and she to be happy, and they will learn to trust and like you again just as she will.

Just focus on what you can control, yourself, and invest in rebuilding your marriage. The rest will fall into place over time. Your marriage, hopefully, will be decades and decades long. No one is going to remember this phase (much) in twenty years, and no one at all but you two will remember in 40 years.

Good luck to you both.

[Anonymous]

You people do realize this topic was started in March of 2013 right?

[Anonymous]

I don't think I could be with someone who is constantly talking about our personal stuff with her parents. I avoid complaining about my wife to my parents, or portraying myself as a victim. I feel that this is an awful habit that some people get into.

People who constantly vilify their spouses to their parents seem immature and should be considered a form of abuse.

[Anonymous]

Can't imagine people getting so upset over an emotional affair. For all that grief it should have been physical.

[Anonymous]

"an emotional affair can be considered a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation"

What a bunch of hooey. An emotional affair is nothing. Or, it should be.

[Anonymous]

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

This is a consequence of your poor choices. You need to work doubly hard to redeem yourself in your wife's eyes. Her family probably thinks your "good behavior" is temporary and you will cheat again. Quite frankly, I am surprised she trusts you enough to stay with you. I would have divorced you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I could be with someone who is constantly talking about our personal stuff with her parents. I avoid complaining about my wife to my parents, or portraying myself as a victim. I feel that this is an awful habit that some people get into.

People who constantly vilify their spouses to their parents seem immature and should be considered a form of abuse.

I agree with this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"an emotional affair can be considered a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation"

What a bunch of hooey. An emotional affair is nothing. Or, it should be.

I don't consider it 'cheating'....but an emotional affair is real. It is worse than a physical affair since there is a lot of feeling, love, etc. involved and not just sex.