Having your baby in your 40s another viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

My kids are sick a lot and I had them in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

I had my fourth child at age 47 (no IVF, just the normal way...). I don't know what I was thinking! I'd always wanted four children, really didn't feel my life/family was complete until I had the 4th child. But now, in my 50s, I am in perimenopause, the teenagers are so incredibly demanding, the 4th child is ill all the time, and I am completely exhausted. I'm not saying I regret it, but I do regret that I didn't start sooner. DH and I were married for eight years before we decided to have kids. We'd thought we had all the time in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm completely unravelling, and yes my 4th child has a far less coddled childhood than his older siblings did. I just don't have the energy to chase after him, read to him, whatever. My oldest child was taken to all sorts of enrichment classes, activites, etc., and my 4th child is carted around to the older kids' activities, mostly.

I don't have serious health problems yet, but I do have this constant exhaustion, brain fog, memory loss, and constant feeling of being overwhelmed and lacking control that I NEVER had with the first three. I always felt I was on top of everything with the first three, and now I feel like I'm floating around with #4, never quite in control/command, losing things, forgetting things, needing to take a nap.

No one told me to "go for it" though. That was my idea. So I found out the hard way that it's very, very tough to have a young child in your 50s, even without health issues. If I had a serious health issue, that would finish me.

Thanks for posting, OP. People need to hear the truth sometimes. All is not rosy in older-mom-land.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thank you for your post PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to this thread. My DS is 13 and I am 56. There are so many reasons to have kids as early in adulthood as possible. Here's another: having kids gives you time to get your priorities straight, so don't postpone it. I dithered and waited, thinking my career had to be established first. But after spending years trying to have a career, I had the kids and finally had the leisure to understand myself better and entirely changed my professional direction. Point is, if I had had the kids then the career, I would not have wasted time in the wrong profession and I could now have kids in college and pour my full attention into the career. Having kids in the 20s or 30s is so much more sensible.

My experience was very different. I still think it's better to establish yourself in a career before having kids. Worked 9 years before I had my first, at 34. I don't think there's a connection between people who choose the wrong career and when they had kids.

+1 me too!

I had been in my career 10 years and in a senior position when firstborn came at 35. It has allowed me to be very flexible. I WAH full-time and I would not have been able to do this if I had kids first. I liked being established first vs trying too get ahead in the sleep-deprived, activity filled kid years. I just turned 43 with a 7.5 and just turned 5 year old. I would prob have started a few years earlier 31-32

Not being snarky but this thread is about having babies *after* 40. If you finished having babies a couple years before you turned 40, that is significantly younger.

[Anonymous]

Hi 10:25, what is the spacing of your children? How old were they when #4 arrived?

[Anonymous]

Very big difference between having a baby at 35, than over 40.

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for your honesty. As a 40-something who stopped having children in her early 30's, I often wonder how in the world women my age deal with having young kids at home.

I was born to couple who was 38 and 43 at the time. My sister was born when they were 26 and 31. I was a healthy baby, but in adulthood have had many, many more health issues than my sister has. I truly believe some of that is due to my parent's ages when I was born.

[Anonymous]

Friend had a kid in early thirties, kid has leukemia, another friend had a kid in their late twenties, kid got brain tumor (died), know a 25 year old mom who died of cancer, know a 55 year old dad who had leukemia (near death now), two friends had kids in their early forties, both of their kids are healthy, most of the moms I know had kids in their late 30's or early 40's. Life is random, younger parents die, kids die, older parents have energy, or they don't, some 25 year olds are dog tired all the time, you just cant stereotype of judge!

[Anonymous]

1653++ life is random.

A relative died of cancer in his late 30s and had a child who was only about 10 at the time. A close friend was killed in an auto accident in his 30s and left behind a wife and 4 young children. Another relative is in his 50s with kids including a toddler and I have no doubt he & is wife will be great parents and take great care of their children despite being in their 50s.

Don't stereotype and judge :/

[Anonymous]

Life is certainly random and I try not to judge - I have been through enough myself.

But how fair is it when your child is a toddler and you have no energy for them? Do you think it will get easier? Do you think it is fair to them? I am an older parent, so I am grateful for every day. But I also feel I *OWE* my children a childhood - I brought them here!!!!!!

NP here. I know this will get flamed. It just breaks my heart when I see women with disabilities /illnesses (seen or unseen) that have every excuse to be "tired" yet they are front and center with every conceivable interest in their child. I don't understand able bodied women that are lazy.

I get it, we all lose energy as we age, but is it fair to your children, who you brought here and supposedly wanted, to barely apply yourself, if at all? How are you helping them in life by being so detached (and that is what it is)? Not saying this is the majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is certainly random and I try not to judge - I have been through enough myself.

But how fair is it when your child is a toddler and you have no energy for them? Do you think it will get easier? Do you think it is fair to them? I am an older parent, so I am grateful for every day. But I also feel I *OWE* my children a childhood - I brought them here!!!!!!

NP here. I know this will get flamed. It just breaks my heart when I see women with disabilities /illnesses (seen or unseen) that have every excuse to be "tired" yet they are front and center with every conceivable interest in their child. I don't understand able bodied women that are lazy.

I get it, we all lose energy as we age, but is it fair to your children, who you brought here and supposedly wanted, to barely apply yourself, if at all? How are you helping them in life by being so detached (and that is what it is)? Not saying this is the majority.

No, I will get flamed. Much more important to have a child when you are financially secure than when you're younger and have "energy." I put energy in quotes because I'm in better shape at 45 than I was at 25, so it's all individual anyhow.

[Anonymous]

^^45 isn't the 55+ that people here are talking about. That 10 years makes a huge difference in energy level. I had my daughter at 39, and am now 59 with a college junior. This has worked out fine for me/us. Dear friend is the same age with a son of 14 - she had him at 44. She is totally exhausted all the time and she and her DH are dismayed that they'll be working until they're 70 or 75 to put him through college and then build their sayings up a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is certainly random and I try not to judge - I have been through enough myself.

But how fair is it when your child is a toddler and you have no energy for them? Do you think it will get easier? Do you think it is fair to them? I am an older parent, so I am grateful for every day. But I also feel I *OWE* my children a childhood - I brought them here!!!!!!

NP here. I know this will get flamed. It just breaks my heart when I see women with disabilities /illnesses (seen or unseen) that have every excuse to be "tired" yet they are front and center with every conceivable interest in their child. I don't understand able bodied women that are lazy.

I get it, we all lose energy as we age, but is it fair to your children, who you brought here and supposedly wanted, to barely apply yourself, if at all? How are you helping them in life by being so detached (and that is what it is)? Not saying this is the majority.

No, I will get flamed. Much more important to have a child when you are financially secure than when you're younger and have "energy." I put energy in quotes because I'm in better shape at 45 than I was at 25, so it's all individual anyhow.

"Financially secure" can change as quickly as someone saying "you're fired". I'd rather have my children young than wait until I've amassed +$100k.

[Anonymous]

14:34 - PP here. ITA. Money is not guaranteed, and so few seem to understand this. Your parents may donate their money when they die!

[Anonymous]

My G'ma is 92. Had her last at 42. She is still shoveling snow and just quit smoking. You cant predict the future. If you are fit and healthy I say go for it. However if you are not, get healthy and see what you think. Obesity DOES play a huge part in pg issues, young or older.