Having your baby in your 40s another viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

what health issues, OP? both you and DH have the same issue(s)?

[Anonymous]

http://www.thestar.com/life/parent/2012/01/04/motherhood_after_40_ethical_debate_rages_over_how_old_is_too_old_to_become_a_mother.html

[Anonymous]

From the article:

Spurred on by mothers like Maria del Carmen Bousada de Lara in Spain – who underwent IVF, gave birth to twins at 66, then died when they were two years old – many have decried the extremes of ART and called for age limits.

That is just shameful and so selfish. A new mother at 66?! Is that where the evil IVF world is headed?

[Anonymous]

New to this thread. My DS is 13 and I am 56. There are so many reasons to have kids as early in adulthood as possible. Here's another: having kids gives you time to get your priorities straight, so don't postpone it. I dithered and waited, thinking my career had to be established first. But after spending years trying to have a career, I had the kids and finally had the leisure to understand myself better and entirely changed my professional direction. Point is, if I had had the kids then the career, I would not have wasted time in the wrong profession and I could now have kids in college and pour my full attention into the career. Having kids in the 20s or 30s is so much more sensible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New to this thread. My DS is 13 and I am 56. There are so many reasons to have kids as early in adulthood as possible. Here's another: having kids gives you time to get your priorities straight, so don't postpone it. I dithered and waited, thinking my career had to be established first. But after spending years trying to have a career, I had the kids and finally had the leisure to understand myself better and entirely changed my professional direction. Point is, if I had had the kids then the career, I would not have wasted time in the wrong profession and I could now have kids in college and pour my full attention into the career. Having kids in the 20s or 30s is so much more sensible.

It may be sensible but it is not always possible. Many of us really wanted children sooner but didn't find our spouses until later. I was never really a career person and really wanted children earlier but it just didn't happen for me that way.

[Anonymous]

Steve Martin just became a Dad at 67. Now, that's NUTS!

[Anonymous]

The "evil IVF world" has many parents in their 20's and 30's. Many parents in their 40s had their kids naturally. Stop stereotyping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "evil IVF world" has many parents in their 20's and 30's. Many parents in their 40s had their kids naturally. Stop stereotyping.

Doesn't make them any less corrupt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New to this thread. My DS is 13 and I am 56. There are so many reasons to have kids as early in adulthood as possible. Here's another: having kids gives you time to get your priorities straight, so don't postpone it. I dithered and waited, thinking my career had to be established first. But after spending years trying to have a career, I had the kids and finally had the leisure to understand myself better and entirely changed my professional direction. Point is, if I had had the kids then the career, I would not have wasted time in the wrong profession and I could now have kids in college and pour my full attention into the career. Having kids in the 20s or 30s is so much more sensible.

My experience was very different. I still think it's better to establish yourself in a career before having kids. Worked 9 years before I had my first, at 34. I don't think there's a connection between people who choose the wrong career and when they had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to this thread. My DS is 13 and I am 56. There are so many reasons to have kids as early in adulthood as possible. Here's another: having kids gives you time to get your priorities straight, so don't postpone it. I dithered and waited, thinking my career had to be established first. But after spending years trying to have a career, I had the kids and finally had the leisure to understand myself better and entirely changed my professional direction. Point is, if I had had the kids then the career, I would not have wasted time in the wrong profession and I could now have kids in college and pour my full attention into the career. Having kids in the 20s or 30s is so much more sensible.

It may be sensible but it is not always possible. Many of us really wanted children sooner but didn't find our spouses until later. I was never really a career person and really wanted children earlier but it just didn't happen for me that way.

This was my experience as well. Had I gotten married at 25 to someone who wanted to have children with me, I definitely wouldn't have waited.

[Anonymous]

I always love when people who had their kids in their forties so got to have that experience then say..mmm not a good choice. You could get hit by a bus in your twenties..life is never certain. I could understand encouraging people who are already married to go ahead and have that child and not wait years because of potential health stuff but..for people who did not find that special someone until late..to even intimate that they shouldn't have kids because they might get tired or sick is just unhelpful at best. One thing I do feel strongly about is that if you have kids later..you owe to take care of yourself (you should anyway) but even more so older..you should not be overweight or smoke or drink heavy and you should get regular check up etc --if you are unwilling to do that..then no you should not have kids later because that will put you on track for early mortality and that isn't fair to a little kid. Isn't fair to an older kid but if you are twenty when your forty year old mom dues due to heavy smoking, you are better prepared to deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always love when people who had their kids in their forties so got to have that experience then say..mmm not a good choice. You could get hit by a bus in your twenties..life is never certain. I could understand encouraging people who are already married to go ahead and have that child and not wait years because of potential health stuff but..for people who did not find that special someone until late..to even intimate that they shouldn't have kids because they might get tired or sick is just unhelpful at best. One thing I do feel strongly about is that if you have kids later..you owe to take care of yourself (you should anyway) but even more so older..you should not be overweight or smoke or drink heavy and you should get regular check up etc --if you are unwilling to do that..then no you should not have kids later because that will put you on track for early mortality and that isn't fair to a little kid. Isn't fair to an older kid but if you are twenty when your forty year old mom dues due to heavy smoking, you are better prepared to deal.

yada, yada, yada...

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks all for sharing your thoughts. I am not saying don't have a baby (I love mine --no longer a baby!) Just that the media does not help you, and it is certainly something to think about beforehand.

[Anonymous]

I'm an older mom, child is five not 15 so possibly things could be different later on. My difference is that my husband is 13 years younger so he was 30 when my ds was born. I do most of the caregiving for my child and I have more energy than my husband. If things change down the road I hope my dh steps up. But, there are no guarantees in life. I have had a serious illness already and it was tough but it would be tough at any age and younger women have had the same illness as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to this thread. My DS is 13 and I am 56. There are so many reasons to have kids as early in adulthood as possible. Here's another: having kids gives you time to get your priorities straight, so don't postpone it. I dithered and waited, thinking my career had to be established first. But after spending years trying to have a career, I had the kids and finally had the leisure to understand myself better and entirely changed my professional direction. Point is, if I had had the kids then the career, I would not have wasted time in the wrong profession and I could now have kids in college and pour my full attention into the career. Having kids in the 20s or 30s is so much more sensible.

My experience was very different. I still think it's better to establish yourself in a career before having kids. Worked 9 years before I had my first, at 34. I don't think there's a connection between people who choose the wrong career and when they had kids.

+1 me too!

I had been in my career 10 years and in a senior position when firstborn came at 35. It has allowed me to be very flexible. I WAH full-time and I would not have been able to do this if I had kids first. I liked being established first vs trying too get ahead in the sleep-deprived, activity filled kid years. I just turned 43 with a 7.5 and just turned 5 year old. I would prob have started a few years earlier 31-32