Can DH request a circumcision while I'm recovering from childbirth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't see why OP needs to attack someone who disagrees and I don't think its necessary to use the word mutilation. Our DS was circumcised for religious reasons and I certainly don't think he was mutilated. There are arguments on both sides. It DOES prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. On the other hand, some people think it affects sensation (though, uh , none of the circumcised men I've been with seemed deprived in that area.) Having witnessed my son's bris it was clear to me that he wasn't being tortured. It took literally seconds and the moyel gave him a tiny bit of wine. I think they also sometimes use topical anesthetics.

There's no right answer here but OP if you keep with the highly charged language I don;t see how you are going to resolve this with your husband. Seriously, if I were him I would think you were so jacked up about this issue that we wouldn't even be able to discuss it. The hit to your marriage seems more significant than anything the baby will go through.

OP here.

I think you missed my question.

We're in a very happy marriage, we love each other and could not be more thrilled with the arrival of our little one. Marriage counseling is not necessary.

And if you think that mutilating your son will prevent him from getting an STD you should educate yourself about the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really isn't an issue of whether you think a circumcision is necessary/beneficial. It is an issue of one parent respecting the other. DH and I have gotten differing opinions from two different doctors on whether another set of ear tubes is really necessary for DS. If DH went and got the ear tube surgery for DS, knowing that I was not on board with it, and behind my back, I would completely freak out.

OP here, and this is where my issue is. DH doesn't think of it as a surgery, a medical procedure. He thinks it's some magical trick that will make DC look like him and avoid locker room jokes. He can't see beyond this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't see why OP needs to attack someone who disagrees and I don't think its necessary to use the word mutilation. Our DS was circumcised for religious reasons and I certainly don't think he was mutilated. There are arguments on both sides. It DOES prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. On the other hand, some people think it affects sensation (though, uh , none of the circumcised men I've been with seemed deprived in that area.) Having witnessed my son's bris it was clear to me that he wasn't being tortured. It took literally seconds and the moyel gave him a tiny bit of wine. I think they also sometimes use topical anesthetics.

There's no right answer here but OP if you keep with the highly charged language I don;t see how you are going to resolve this with your husband. Seriously, if I were him I would think you were so jacked up about this issue that we wouldn't even be able to discuss it. The hit to your marriage seems more significant than anything the baby will go through.

OP here.

I think you missed my question.

We're in a very happy marriage, we love each other and could not be more thrilled with the arrival of our little one. Marriage counseling is not necessary.

And if you think that mutilating your son will prevent him from getting an STD you should educate yourself about the issue.

Maybe if you avoided using words like "mutilating" your husband would be more receptive to your point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't see why OP needs to attack someone who disagrees and I don't think its necessary to use the word mutilation. Our DS was circumcised for religious reasons and I certainly don't think he was mutilated. There are arguments on both sides. It DOES prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. On the other hand, some people think it affects sensation (though, uh , none of the circumcised men I've been with seemed deprived in that area.) Having witnessed my son's bris it was clear to me that he wasn't being tortured. It took literally seconds and the moyel gave him a tiny bit of wine. I think they also sometimes use topical anesthetics.

There's no right answer here but OP if you keep with the highly charged language I don;t see how you are going to resolve this with your husband. Seriously, if I were him I would think you were so jacked up about this issue that we wouldn't even be able to discuss it. The hit to your marriage seems more significant than anything the baby will go through.

OP here.

I think you missed my question.

We're in a very happy marriage, we love each other and could not be more thrilled with the arrival of our little one. Marriage counseling is not necessary.

And if you think that mutilating your son will prevent him from getting an STD you should educate yourself about the issue.

Did you read my post? Thats not why my DS is circumcised. Honestly I don;t care what other people choose to do. And if circumcision diminishes the rate of STDs, then it is preventing the transmission of STDs. Not for everyone, but for some.

But mostly I don;t see how you are going to work this out with your husband when you use such hyperbolic language and completely dismiss his point of view. That his son will look like him and will be more accepted in the locker room may not matter to you, but it clearly matters to him. I have trouble thinking your marriage is so happy when all you do is scream mutilation and NO in response. This is how you solve problems, by not just dismissing your DH's point of view but by accusing him of monstrosities? Why is your insistence that your child will not be circumcised under any circumstances, case closed, any different than his insistence that your son is circumcised? Because you're right and he's wrong? Good luck getting through the child raising years with your marriage in tact. This is just the first argument of many, many you will have about parenting decisions large and small. All marriages can be strained by this, particularly if you have a child facing any kind of difficulty and you can't agree on a response. And what you've demonstrated is that you won't even listen to him, won't consider his opinion as worthy, and will just steamroll over him. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really isn't an issue of whether you think a circumcision is necessary/beneficial. It is an issue of one parent respecting the other. DH and I have gotten differing opinions from two different doctors on whether another set of ear tubes is really necessary for DS. If DH went and got the ear tube surgery for DS, knowing that I was not on board with it, and behind my back, I would completely freak out.

And maybe he's freaking out that you won't go forward with this procedure (I assume you and he are split, yes?).

[Anonymous]

Just tell the hospital no circ if that is your desire.

When my son was born, I said no circ because we had already contracted with the mohel for his bris. At the same time they put on the id band on his ankles when he was born he also got a band that said NO CIRC. that was it, no problems, no one cares.

He went home, had it done by the mohel and on we go.

Long story short, just tell them no, make sure they put the band on his ankle at birth and go on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I work in a hospital. State your preference for no circumcision at your next prenatal appointment. State that you want it noted in your chart. Next, when you check into the hospital, tell your labor nurses about no circumcision. It will be noted again in your chart. Tell them to chart it for sure. They will.

There is no hospital or doctor who is going to perform elective surgery on a minor if one of the parents has already said NO and it is in the chart. They simply are not going to leave themselves open like that, liability-wise. So if you have said NO and it is charted, that is the final word.

In the case of the pp who had the MD arrive to do the circumcision, neither parent had previously stated their wishes. The MD made a big assumption by showing up, However the MD would not have gone ahead without consent. The H may have been able in this circumstance to give the consent alone, but if one parent has already said NO and it is charted, then the H would not be able to override that.

Say no early, and often , and ask them to put it in the chart.

(And try to get on the same page with your H about this! )

Why can't she listen to him on this one? He is the one w/the guy parts btw.

[Anonymous]

So OP, when you see your husband naked are you sickened by the fact that he is "mutilated"

[Anonymous]

My DS had a big notice on his bassinet thing that said NO CIRC and it also said NO CIRC on his hospital bracelet. Just make it clear when you check in that this is what you want.

FWIW I let DH make the decision. I felt that the medical procedure wasn't necessary but I also saw the "look like dad" point of view. DH is circ'd but decided not to have DS circ'd.

DS is 13 now and it's never been an issue as far as I know. He asked why he and dad looked different, we explained it, and that was the end of it. And I would say about 50% of the people I know didn't have their sons circumcised.

I also think the cries of "medical procedure without anesthesia" are a bit overdramatic. It's quick, the bby doesn't know it's coming so isn't afraid, it's a bit of pain that is quickly over, and there you are. We give those same babies multiple painful shots sometimes. If it's really really important to your DH, you might consider letting him decide.

If you appoint yourself the final arbiter of all things related to the baby, take my word for it, you are creating problems for your marriage. DH will bgin to feel like a third wheel and could become a more uninvolved parent or distance himself from you. Think carefully about how you approach this and I agree with the others, stop using the word "mutilated."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, when you see your husband naked are you sickened by the fact that he is "mutilated"

I don't have a penis, but that does seem potentially needlessly offensive and hurtful to the husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, when you see your husband naked are you sickened by the fact that he is "mutilated"

I feel extremely bad for him for having a surgery done without his consent. But I don't care about what his penis looks like. He was my first and there's nothing wrong with the way he performs.

Not sure if he would say yes if the option was given to him later on.

Anyway, I tried to have him sit through a surgery to watch it on youtube and so far he keeps giving me excuses. I think he won't be able to watch it without gagging or closing his eyes.

[Anonymous]

Why would you make him watch videos on YouTube?

This is too strange to be real.

[Anonymous]

OP, they will draw blood from your newborn's heel and that will be far more painful for the baby than a circumcision would be. The heel draw sent my DH from the room; the bris barely made anyone blink.

I agree that this is very strange. The way OP describes treating her DH is unbelievable. And there's a strong tone of immaturity. (It has to be MY WAY!!!!! I will NOT listen to counter-arguments!!! He must watch a video to be deprogrammed!!!) I worry for the marriage and for the kid.

[Anonymous]

You all are stupid , hospital staff isn't hiding around each corner trying to wisk your kid to a circ (referencing the no circ sign poster)

You have to go sign up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, they will draw blood from your newborn's heel and that will be far more painful for the baby than a circumcision would be. The heel draw sent my DH from the room; the bris barely made anyone blink.

I agree that this is very strange. The way OP describes treating her DH is unbelievable. And there's a strong tone of immaturity. (It has to be MY WAY!!!!! I will NOT listen to counter-arguments!!! He must watch a video to be deprogrammed!!!) I worry for the marriage and for the kid.

I love people like you who think they have the ability to judge the health of a marriage based on one post. Where did you get your degree from? Oh wait... you don't have a degree?

Anyway, a heel prick hurts more than scraping to separate the skin of the penis' head from the glans, shoveling a piece of metal under there and cutting of a around an inch of skin from a child's penis? The Nile is not just the name of a river...