What does your husband think/say when you gain weight

[Anonymous]

I started the marriage at 5'7 150 and am now high 170's after baby. Like others he hates when I complain. He likes curvy women but HATES me commenting on how I look fat in pictures, can't fit into old clothes etc. He's too respectful to say anything flat-out about my weight - I think he likes when I feel better since I look better in clothes, in pictures, etc. Does he actually care, all that aside? I don't know. Maybe slightly.

[Anonymous]

My husband has never commented on my weight, which I find absolutely amazing. We've known each other since high school, when I was about 160 (at 5'10"). We started dating when I was 180. I got up to 265, had gastric bypass surgery, got down to 150, and have been stable for 7 years in the 170-180 range.

Now when I see him struggling with his own weight, I realize just how incredible it is that he never said a thing (so I bite my tongue too). Not even some passive-aggressive shit like, "Let's go for a walk!" or "I just want you to be healthy." This is in contrast to my dad, who destroyed our relationship by harping on my weight.

I'm about to make some sweeping generalizations, and I hope I don't offend anyone. But although we're white, we both grew up in majority-black areas of P.G. County, and my husband has always been attracted to thick body types. Not fat, per se, but meaty. So I've benefited tremendously from that.

[Anonymous]

My most recent ex was an absolute prick about it: when he met me, I was underweight. As soon as I got anywhere near normal weight, he started complaining about it. I ended up pretty fat just because of all the passive aggressive nonsense going on. The ex before that one has always told me I'm beautiful....go figure. We are still friends and he still thinks I'm gorgeous.

That said: my nonsignificant other ballooned up a good 40 lbs, which wasn't the only reason I quit dating him but it was a good part of it. Not only was it really hard to find the anatomy in all the flab, but I'm really active and all he had the energy to do was sit around.

[Anonymous]

I’m actually the same weight as I was before getting married; however, I have a lot of stomach fat. I think I’m the same weight because I lost all the muscle weight and got flabby. My husband does comment about me not being as fit anymore but it doesn’t bother me at all. I just poke fun back at him as he’s gained weight and lost shape moreso than I have. I think it would bother him that if I gained weight and wasn’t as fit; however, I believe he would still love me the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

You putting on a few extra pounds doesn't bother me nearly as much as you going on about how unhappy it makes you and how you're going to diet. When you do this in front of our daughters, I get really upset. But I hold me tongue.

So, it's not your physical appearance that bothers me but your attitude about it.

This. My spouse was smart enough to say, "I love you and will always find you physically attractive. AND, I've noticed that YOU are not happy with your weight and how you look. That's a turn-off. How can I support you?"

My only response to this is to gulp and get my ass in gear.

[Anonymous]

I bitch about my weight. I am 5'11'' and have fluctuated from 165, which is actually somewhat slim on my build, to about 200 lbs which makes me feel like a fat, average American soccer mom.

I feel disgusting and there are medical reasons I am at this weight but it's hard. When I bitch, he only says "I think you look beautiful." He's careful not to comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the third friend. DH has struggled with weight and we go out of our way to support each other in being as healthy as we can. I was 120 before getting pregnant. Gained 40+ pounds and could not get rid of the last 10. In the past year I've gained an additional 10 or 12. I am not technically overweight but I am not happy with how I look either. DH doesn't try to tell me I'm crazy but also does't make me feel bad about myself. He still thinks I am beautiful but supports my efforts to drop 15 pounds and feel better about myself. Best of both worlds.

This is pretty much exactly us, too....well, except I haven't been 120 since 7th grade....[envy]....I'm at 170 post baby #2 and need to get down to 150 (I'm 5'10").

[Anonymous]

DH gets mad when I harp on about unhappy with my body and especially when I don't appear to be eating much (in his opinion). But he only comments on my weight per se if I go below my normal weight of about 120 (I'm short, 5'2"). If I hit 116-117, he says "you look hot." If I get down to 110 or so (which I did when sick/stressed) he said that I looked too thin, even though I felt happiest there. He never said anything w hen I was a good 20lb heavier after childbirth. Then again, he's gained 20# since we've been married, and though I haven't said anything, I"'m trying to find a way to get him to eat more healthily--less about the weight than his crappy eating habits and lack of exercise.

[Anonymous]

I am the pp from much earlier whose husband railed on her for going up 2 sizes / 30 lbs over the course of 15 years. I am so disgusting to him that he was forced to finally dump me, after having an affair with a coke-thin 22 yr old.

Clearly, I matched up with the wrong mate from what I can see in the past few pages of this thread. It's truly A revelation to learn that there are men who love and support their wives when the wives gain 30, 50, even 75 lbs. I wish I had paired up differently.

But you guys don't live in Bethesda or Chevy chase, correct? It didn't help matters for xH to correctly note that the maximum allowable size in 20815 is size 4. Which I am NOT

[Anonymous]

Gosh, this is a funny thread. I come as a single guy to DCUM for local scoop but fell in here. You all think your DH "doesn't care?" To hell he doesn't. Look out for "late night" projects and business trips, ladies. Not to be a MCP or anything, we understand childbirth and all that, and getting older, but let me tell you this. A slim (ish) woman we were initialy attracted to who gains a lot of weight is about the equivalent of of the six foot tall man you married shrinking down to 4'8" over the course of months. Would that guy make you nervous and wet? Didn't think so. Think about it.

[Anonymous]

You're a 23 yr old unmarried hipster. Nobody on here cares what you think now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're a 23 yr old unmarried hipster. Nobody on here cares what you think now.

Nope, 47 and not a "hipster." I don't even know what that means, really. And I don't mean to be a troll, either, or an alarmist. There is good reason for mutual support in a marriage and there is loyalty between people who love each other, of course. But the "22 year-old coke thin" gal is always going to catch DH's eye. That is the biological imperitive, like it or not. Why not make an effort to make yourself as attractive as you can to DH? I would give him exactly the same advice. Don't take each other for granted. Or the attraction you once felt for one another. A ring and a baby don't end the relationship. And you all know the old joke about how to stop a nice Jewish girl from giving head.

[Anonymous]

OMG! I let him have it with both barrels today. I am 5'7" and 122 pounds, 2 pounds more than when we married almost 20 years ago, giving birth to two kids along the way.
I actually look too skinny for my age now, and everyone pretty much tells me I need to put on some weight. He thinks if I gain anymore I'd be fat! He is at least 30 pounds more than when we married. Fucking ass!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! I let him have it with both barrels today. I am 5'7" and 122 pounds, 2 pounds more than when we married almost 20 years ago, giving birth to two kids along the way.
I actually look too skinny for my age now, and everyone pretty much tells me I need to put on some weight. He thinks if I gain anymore I'd be fat! He is at least 30 pounds more than when we married. Fucking ass!

23:01 here. Good for you. Hit him in the head and don't "put on weight" because your heavier friends tell you too. It's not healthy. And if you're eyeing the pool boy, well, that's your moral/hormonal decision and a powerful one to make, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

If I gain weight, it goes straight to my ass, so my husband loves it. If I talk about dieting he makes supportive noises, than later that week will go out and buy us donuts for breakfast or *you had such a hard day, you deserve a treat*.

I have a horrible sugar habit. If it's in the house, I have to eat it, so I won't buy sweets. It took me emerging from the *I have two toddlers and my brain doesn't work* haze to realize he was sabotaging me on purpose.