Men raising children that are not theirs without knowing about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bil put his name on the birth certificate of a child he knew wasn't his. He lied for years about it, although the family pretty much knew all along. The good thing is his now ex can not come after him for child support.

I know that sounds harsh, but that is only a small snippet of the train wreck that relationship was. He hasn't seen his "son" in 13 years now.

In many states if a man "holds himself out" as a child's father (puts his name on the birth cert, says that he is the child's father, acts like the child's father) he is considered the child's father in the eyes of the law, even if he is not biologically related to the child. So, BIL may still end up paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bil put his name on the birth certificate of a child he knew wasn't his. He lied for years about it, although the family pretty much knew all along. The good thing is his now ex can not come after him for child support.

I know that sounds harsh, but that is only a small snippet of the train wreck that relationship was. He hasn't seen his "son" in 13 years now.

I have a friend that did this, too. Great guy that grew up without a father, and thought he could make a difference in the child's life. Sadly, his ex-wife is completely psycho. Refused to allow the child to know the truth. The child is now a young adult and still doesn't know.

It's a really sad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

No illnesses have been passed on. The "father" has enough kids (10+) to keep the rest of his family busy with his offspring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

No illnesses have been passed on. The "father" has enough kids (10+) to keep the rest of his family busy with his offspring.

So find the alpha male to spread his seed, then find some willing sucker to raise the kids. Good work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

No illnesses have been passed on. The "father" has enough kids (10+) to keep the rest of his family busy with his offspring.

You have NO IDEA if there are any illnesses. Do you think they all show up the first 13 years? Wrong!

Wait til he finds out. He's going to hate you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

It sounds like you have a stable family now-and that's good for all of you. After growing up with a lot of riduculousness in my own family of origin, my motto for my family is "No secrets, no lies." Would it really be so harmful for your son to know the truth: that he has a dad who chose to love him and raise, but another man is his biological father. I think it can be easier to have that knowledge from a young age than to learn it later in life-and in my family, and in others I know, family members do start spilling secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from there is a saying which, loosely translated, goes like this: "a woman never gives birth to a bastard", meaning she can always pass her children off as her husband's.
My mum's very good friend passed off her last, supposedly "oops" daughter as her husband's. She is now dead and, to this day, that child, now in her 40s, is the apple of her "father's" eye.

Karma .......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't something new. They should be doing mandatory paternity testing at birth before putting a name on a birth certificate.

mandatory? even if it were reasonable (and legal) to force new mothers to submit their newborns to unnecessary tests like this, shouldn't at least the father/husband/supposed-father have a right to decide he doesn't need such a test?

Given there are so many cases of it is incorrect, no. I think it should be mandatory. I have nothing to hide, so to me its a non-issue. If someone wants to do a test, go for it.

You're missing the point. If the father wants to accept paternity, why should the government mandate a test? I'm so far to the left my college friends used to call me a pinko, but that seems crazy even to me.

In many states, a "mom" can just put whom ever she wants on the birth certificate. The man does not have to consent. Men are not given the option to get a test done before the paternity test. Our culture does not have honesty and fidelity high on our values list, so yes, it should be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

No illnesses have been passed on. The "father" has enough kids (10+) to keep the rest of his family busy with his offspring.

So find the alpha male to spread his seed, then find some willing sucker to raise the kids. Good work!

Not the PP, but according to her post, "the sucker" has been aware of the situation from the very beginning and the parents have jointly decided not to tell the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

This line of argument is so over-rated.... People have lived for thousands of years without as much as being aware that there are genes. And all of a sudden, unless a child doesn't have a fully sequenced genome of both parents at his disposal, he is somehow crippled. I have no dog in this fight but I can totally understand that some parents would chose not to tell their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

This line of argument is so over-rated.... People have lived for thousands of years without as much as being aware that there are genes. And all of a sudden, unless a child doesn't have a fully sequenced genome of both parents at his disposal, he is somehow crippled. I have no dog in this fight but I can totally understand that some parents would chose not to tell their children.

I also have no dog in this fight, but wonder if and when the child learns the truth, if the fallout will be much more damaging than if he knew all along. What if you lose your son because he can't forgive the betrayal and deception?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

This line of argument is so over-rated.... People have lived for thousands of years without as much as being aware that there are genes. And all of a sudden, unless a child doesn't have a fully sequenced genome of both parents at his disposal, he is somehow crippled. I have no dog in this fight but I can totally understand that some parents would chose not to tell their children.

I also have no dog in this fight, but wonder if and when the child learns the truth, if the fallout will be much more damaging than if he knew all along. What if you lose your son because he can't forgive the betrayal and deception?

First, the child might never find out. As some examples from this thread suggest, there are in fact people who never find out.
Second, if he finds out and makes a really big deal out of it, he is kind of an entitled ass**** who would find an issue to berate his parents about regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not the father of one of our children. We were not married at the child's conception and he knew from the beginning. The child is now 13 and doesn't know he isn't the biological father (we don't plan to tell).

That is really sad, PP. The child deserves to know the truth. What about his biological family? What if there are illnesses or something that is passed on to him, he doesn't even know his own medical history?

This line of argument is so over-rated.... People have lived for thousands of years without as much as being aware that there are genes. And all of a sudden, unless a child doesn't have a fully sequenced genome of both parents at his disposal, he is somehow crippled. I have no dog in this fight but I can totally understand that some parents would chose not to tell their children.

I also have no dog in this fight, but wonder if and when the child learns the truth, if the fallout will be much more damaging than if he knew all along. What if you lose your son because he can't forgive the betrayal and deception?

First, the child might never find out. As some examples from this thread suggest, there are in fact people who never find out.
Second, if he finds out and makes a really big deal out of it, he is kind of an entitled ass**** who would find an issue to berate his parents about regardless.

You can't be serious. Must be a shit-stirring troll.

[Anonymous]

I know of a man whose now ex-wife said, guess what, little xxxx is not yours. Yet he loves that boy as if it was.