Four-year-old son likes makeup and nail polish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the clearly in the minority poster. With all the things that have to get done why would you take time to paint your sons nails? They are young enough that its not a sexual orientation issue. I just dont get it. It would be a different conversation at 16 but 4 really? What statement are you trying to make by doing it? I know that everyone parents different but surely your kids understand the word no.

I'm the other poster who agrees about saying No to this. And, I agree that it's a different conversation at age 16. If DS decides to start wearing nail polish or makeup at 16 because he wants to try it out or it's the thing to do, that'll be different. I'll be supportive and try to find out what he's thinking. However at age 4, it's just "Nope, sorry" and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always hate these threads of mothers so proud that their son wears pink, dresses in tutus and paints his nails.

I agree that 4 is pretty young for it to be a sexual orientation issue. I also don't think it is bad if the little boys in your house don't wear make-up or paint their nails. The boys in my house do not. My boys used to comment on my toes (I always paint them) and notice when the color changed...tell me they liked the color, etc. They also see me put on make-up. The little one used to play around with the make-up brushes--actually dust with them more than anything---or use my eyeliner/lipliners like crayons. They do note that this is "Girl Stuff". That is for "girrlss". I am okay with face paint, etc. Boys in make-up not so much. I remember by brother being horrified when my older sister and her friends would paint him up and put barrettes in his hair--he'd run from them shrieking. I think that is a pretty normal response too.

I am not comfortable with painted fingernails or make-up/lipstick on boys. Period. I think it is just weird. I am for gay rights and gay marriage so don't incorrectly assume those of us that aren't into it are homophobes.

I can't recall if one of my boys ever asked me to paint their nails---if they did I am sure I said it was somethign girls do and it was left at that. We don't really need to indulge every single one of our children's requests. If my kid asked to go to school naked the answer would be 'no' too.

Well, lipstick and nail polish aren't necessarily things girls do-- I don't wear them, my mother doesn't, and neither does my daughter (so far). Some girls and women wear them, and some don't. I don't think it makes us any less girls or women, but maybe that's just because I'm from New England. In any case, letting or not letting your young boys play "dress-up" of sorts w/ your nail polish or lipstick seems to be one of those parenting decisions that will make absolutely NO difference in the long run but that are somehow fun for privileged moms to debate and somehow pretend to themselves that their choice is so superior that all families should take heed.

[Anonymous]

My take is that as long as no one is getting physically hurt (and a Pp already mentioned dangers of nail polish) and its something you would let one gender child do, let the other. If they want to try something let them. If they don't, don't make them.

[Anonymous]

I will very rarely agree to paint my son's finger or toenails. I have brought some more traditional "boy" colors (blue, green) for the few instances when we do this.

[Anonymous]

With all the things that have to get done why would you take time to paint your sons nails? They are young enough that its not a sexual orientation issue. I just dont get it.

I don't understand this logic. It doesn't take more time than drawing a picture with him, playing with playdoh with him. What does the number of things that we have to get done have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

With all the things that have to get done why would you take time to paint your sons nails? They are young enough that its not a sexual orientation issue. I just dont get it.

I don't understand this logic. It doesn't take more time than drawing a picture with him, playing with playdoh with him. What does the number of things that we have to get done have to do with anything?

She probably doesn't do those things either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My four-year-old son asks to put on my lipstick whenever he sees me doing it. He also asks me to paint his nails. Does this mean anything? Should I let him do it?

I feel really sorry for your child if you're succumbing to stereotypes this early in his life. Your son is not gay, chill the f out, he's just watching you and wanting to do what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always hate these threads of mothers so proud that their son wears pink, dresses in tutus and paints his nails.

I agree that 4 is pretty young for it to be a sexual orientation issue. I also don't think it is bad if the little boys in your house don't wear make-up or paint their nails. The boys in my house do not. My boys used to comment on my toes (I always paint them) and notice when the color changed...tell me they liked the color, etc. They also see me put on make-up. The little one used to play around with the make-up brushes--actually dust with them more than anything---or use my eyeliner/lipliners like crayons. They do note that this is "Girl Stuff". That is for "girrlss". I am okay with face paint, etc. Boys in make-up not so much. I remember by brother being horrified when my older sister and her friends would paint him up and put barrettes in his hair--he'd run from them shrieking. I think that is a pretty normal response too.

I am not comfortable with painted fingernails or make-up/lipstick on boys. Period. I think it is just weird. I am for gay rights and gay marriage so don't incorrectly assume those of us that aren't into it are homophobes.

I can't recall if one of my boys ever asked me to paint their nails---if they did I am sure I said it was somethign girls do and it was left at that. We don't really need to indulge every single one of our children's requests. If my kid asked to go to school naked the answer would be 'no' too.

Are you also not racist because you have a black friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always hate these threads of mothers so proud that their son wears pink, dresses in tutus and paints his nails.

I agree that 4 is pretty young for it to be a sexual orientation issue. I also don't think it is bad if the little boys in your house don't wear make-up or paint their nails. The boys in my house do not. My boys used to comment on my toes (I always paint them) and notice when the color changed...tell me they liked the color, etc. They also see me put on make-up. The little one used to play around with the make-up brushes--actually dust with them more than anything---or use my eyeliner/lipliners like crayons. They do note that this is "Girl Stuff". That is for "girrlss". I am okay with face paint, etc. Boys in make-up not so much. I remember by brother being horrified when my older sister and her friends would paint him up and put barrettes in his hair--he'd run from them shrieking. I think that is a pretty normal response too.

I am not comfortable with painted fingernails or make-up/lipstick on boys. Period. I think it is just weird. I am for gay rights and gay marriage so don't incorrectly assume those of us that aren't into it are homophobes.

I can't recall if one of my boys ever asked me to paint their nails---if they did I am sure I said it was somethign girls do and it was left at that. We don't really need to indulge every single one of our children's requests. If my kid asked to go to school naked the answer would be 'no' too.

I find people who have issues about boys with make-up on or painted fingernails to be overly rigid. It's your right to feel the way you feel, but I don't think that either one is going to make my boys into a girl or change their sexual orientation. They're just being silly and creative and having fun. They're little. They're playing with appearance. It's not a deal. I was a theater major. I knew lots of creative guys that work make-up in college.

It's not bad if boys don't. It's not bad if boys do. It's only bad if the adults freak out about.

[Anonymous]

My toddler likes to carry my purse around and use a brush on his face the wa he sees me do it, but that's the extent o what he does to mimick me. If he wanted to put on my makeup or nail polish, whatever, I would just not do it and he will be fine with that.

[Anonymous]

i would not paint my son's nails or let him wear lipstick. as to whether it "means anything" - i doubt it - but he's too little to understand the implications that might get him made fun of etc, and i don't think it's ok to let him promote something he doesn't understand. wouldn't let him wear a swastika either (example, i'm jewish, and no, i don't think cross-dressers or gay people are nazis, before the crazies come out). they might think something is cool-looking but if it has societal implications they don't understand i wouldn't allow it. if a teenage son who knew what nail polish was for, how it's usually worn, etc asked me to, i'd be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Sure I would let my son if he wanted to (he has never shown any interest). I generally agree to things that my son asks for as long as they don't hurt anyone else (physically or emotionally), cost too much money, or inconvenience my family and I. I guess it could get him made fun of, but presumably if that happens, he won't ask for it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the clearly in the minority poster. With all the things that have to get done why would you take time to paint your sons nails? They are young enough that its not a sexual orientation issue. I just dont get it. It would be a different conversation at 16 but 4 really? What statement are you trying to make by doing it? I know that everyone parents different but surely your kids understand the word no.

I'm the other poster who agrees about saying No to this. And, I agree that it's a different conversation at age 16. If DS decides to start wearing nail polish or makeup at 16 because he wants to try it out or it's the thing to do, that'll be different. I'll be supportive and try to find out what he's thinking. However at age 4, it's just "Nope, sorry" and move on.

Why move on? When my son was smaller (4-7ish) he'd love having his nails painted, as would his younger sister. I'd use non-toxic nail polish only (and I didn't do it much for either of them, w/ my son only a couple times, w/ my daughter maybe 3-4 by now). But I think if he wants it, this is the age in which it's easy for him to get away with it. He chose to have his nails done on a Friday night and removed Sunday night, because he didn't want to have them painted for school. His toes he kept painted til it came off (since they are hidden by socks and shoes at school.) He just did it once or twice, and that was enough. It's fun to have done once at least, and it gets it out of their system. If you say a cold "Nope, sorry" and move on, you've brushed over a sincere wish and left him feeling unheard. Maybe he doesn't care much, but those things add up. Let him explore things when they come up, and you won't end up with a bunch of repressed and buried stuff later, never mind growing distance from the parent.

(My son can read social cues on his own, and the last couple times I did nail polish for his sister he didn't ask, and I can't picture him asking again - he's eight now. He's no longer curious, or he doesn't want to be teased, or he's just past it. But I am glad I let him try it when he wanted to. Life is short, live it fully.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

With all the things that have to get done why would you take time to paint your sons nails? They are young enough that its not a sexual orientation issue. I just dont get it.

I don't understand this logic. It doesn't take more time than drawing a picture with him, playing with playdoh with him. What does the number of things that we have to get done have to do with anything?

My logic is that will all the things we could be doing why paint his nails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

With all the things that have to get done why would you take time to paint your sons nails? They are young enough that its not a sexual orientation issue. I just dont get it.

I don't understand this logic. It doesn't take more time than drawing a picture with him, playing with playdoh with him. What does the number of things that we have to get done have to do with anything?

She probably doesn't do those things either.

Actually I do, but unlike you I set boundaries for my kids.. you might try it.