Four-year-old son likes makeup and nail polish

[Anonymous]

My take is that I don't think it's fair to send a preschooler out in the world wearing or doing something that they don't comprehend the meaning of. I think it's similar to swearing: if my kid swears when he's sixteen, then fine. He knows what he's choosing. But as a little kid, it may have ramifications he isn't prepared for.

My son did ask to have his nails painted, and my solution was to buy some clear, glow-in-the-dark polish, so that it wasn't visible to everyone he met, but he got the experience, and he enjoyed laying in bed at night staring at his glowing hands.

[Anonymous]

Right ... And tell me again why we'd be judging a little boy ONLY FOR HAVING FREAKIN' NAIL POlISH ON?!?!?

Wow. I hope none of the PPs who think is is so awful end up with a trans child. Read last week's Post, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My take is that I don't think it's fair to send a preschooler out in the world wearing or doing something that they don't comprehend the meaning of. I think it's similar to swearing: if my kid swears when he's sixteen, then fine. He knows what he's choosing. But as a little kid, it may have ramifications he isn't prepared for.

My son did ask to have his nails painted, and my solution was to buy some clear, glow-in-the-dark polish, so that it wasn't visible to everyone he met, but he got the experience, and he enjoyed laying in bed at night staring at his glowing hands.

What ramifications will painting a four year old's nails have? It's not like his four year old playmates are going to make fun of him. They won't care, they're the same age, at the same level of maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right ... And tell me again why we'd be judging a little boy ONLY FOR HAVING FREAKIN' NAIL POlISH ON?!?!?

Wow. I hope none of the PPs who think is is so awful end up with a trans child. Read last week's Post, people.

Not judging the child...judging the parents' lack of parenting skills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right ... And tell me again why we'd be judging a little boy ONLY FOR HAVING FREAKIN' NAIL POlISH ON?!?!?

Wow. I hope none of the PPs who think is is so awful end up with a trans child. Read last week's Post, people.

Not judging the child...judging the parents' lack of parenting skills

But then ultimately you're judging my son for wanting to wear nail polish and for me saying yes to him (when I say yes to his sister).

And I in turn judge your lack of parenting skills for pigeon-holing your son. Hey, it's a lose-lose for everyone.

http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/24_hour_workday/2012/05/motherhood-mom-enough-advice.html

[Anonymous]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-parenting/post/transgender-children-learning-to-listen-to-their-reality/2012/05/22/gIQAO5mGiU_blog.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right ... And tell me again why we'd be judging a little boy ONLY FOR HAVING FREAKIN' NAIL POlISH ON?!?!?

Wow. I hope none of the PPs who think is is so awful end up with a trans child. Read last week's Post, people.

Not judging the child...judging the parents' lack of parenting skills

Do you judge my "lack of parenting skills" for letting my daughter wear pants and play baseball?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right ... And tell me again why we'd be judging a little boy ONLY FOR HAVING FREAKIN' NAIL POlISH ON?!?!?

Wow. I hope none of the PPs who think is is so awful end up with a trans child. Read last week's Post, people.

Not judging the child...judging the parents' lack of parenting skills

Do you judge my "lack of parenting skills" for letting my daughter wear pants and play baseball?

AMEN! If she can do what he can, why can't he do what she can?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right ... And tell me again why we'd be judging a little boy ONLY FOR HAVING FREAKIN' NAIL POlISH ON?!?!?

Wow. I hope none of the PPs who think is is so awful end up with a trans child. Read last week's Post, people.

Not judging the child...judging the parents' lack of parenting skills

Do you judge my "lack of parenting skills" for letting my daughter wear pants and play baseball?

AMEN! If she can do what he can, why can't he do what she can?

Wearing pants and playing baseball are not the same as wearing makeup. For a start, four year old GIRLS shouldn't be wearing make up. Seriously. Sports are kid things. Nail polish is a kid's thing. Make up - no.

[Anonymous]

But I think we've fixated on nail polish here ... not make-up. Apparently if you let your son put on nail polish you're a bad parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the clearly in the minority poster. With all the things that have to get done why would you take time to paint your sons nails? They are young enough that its not a sexual orientation issue. I just dont get it. It would be a different conversation at 16 but 4 really? What statement are you trying to make by doing it? I know that everyone parents different but surely your kids understand the word no.

I'm the other poster who agrees about saying No to this. And, I agree that it's a different conversation at age 16. If DS decides to start wearing nail polish or makeup at 16 because he wants to try it out or it's the thing to do, that'll be different. I'll be supportive and try to find out what he's thinking. However at age 4, it's just "Nope, sorry" and move on.

Why move on? When my son was smaller (4-7ish) he'd love having his nails painted, as would his younger sister. I'd use non-toxic nail polish only (and I didn't do it much for either of them, w/ my son only a couple times, w/ my daughter maybe 3-4 by now). But I think if he wants it, this is the age in which it's easy for him to get away with it. He chose to have his nails done on a Friday night and removed Sunday night, because he didn't want to have them painted for school. His toes he kept painted til it came off (since they are hidden by socks and shoes at school.) He just did it once or twice, and that was enough. It's fun to have done once at least, and it gets it out of their system. If you say a cold "Nope, sorry" and move on, you've brushed over a sincere wish and left him feeling unheard. Maybe he doesn't care much, but those things add up. Let him explore things when they come up, and you won't end up with a bunch of repressed and buried stuff later, never mind growing distance from the parent.

(My son can read social cues on his own, and the last couple times I did nail polish for his sister he didn't ask, and I can't picture him asking again - he's eight now. He's no longer curious, or he doesn't want to be teased, or he's just past it. But I am glad I let him try it when he wanted to. Life is short, live it fully.)

I'm the 7:39 poster that you responded to, and I have to say thank you for a thoughtful and reasonable response! For the most part, I think you're right. And, I agree with you. Maybe I made it sound more flippant than I meant.

First off, I definitely differentiate between makeup and nail polish. I am completely anti-makeup for girls AND boys that young. Just a personal thing. I just think there's no reason to encourage a girl's (or boy's) interest in makeup and beauty so young. I know others disagree and that's fair. We all draw the line at certain things we don't want our kids to do.

Nail polish is a bit different. I would let a preschool girl wear nail polish occasionally, so maybe you're right that I should take the request more seriously. I guess I think of it in terms of just certain societal norms that are acceptable for girls vs. boys. For example a little boy can go out swimming with no shirt on, but little girls can't. It's just the way things work.

But, maybe you're right. At that age (4-7ish) they're young enough to get away with it, and he won't be able to do it later, so maybe it's worth letting him have the opportunity. Something to think about for me....

[Anonymous]

My take is that I don't think it's fair to send a preschooler out in the world wearing or doing something that they don't comprehend the meaning of.

Maybe that's the difference - I don't see that it has any greater meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My take is that I don't think it's fair to send a preschooler out in the world wearing or doing something that they don't comprehend the meaning of.

Maybe that's the difference - I don't see that it has any greater meaning.

Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

For Pete's sake, people are reading way too much into "gender identification" at this age. It isn't at all unusual for little boys to want to play dress up, want pretty nail polish or play with dolls. Neither is it unusual for little girls to want to play stereotypical boy games or dress like boys. It doesn't mean that they are transgender. People need to chill out before they screw up their toddlers and pre-schoolers over non-issues. I did it, my brothers did it, the neighbors did it and my kids did it. None of us are transgender. We were little kids playing like little kids.

[Anonymous]

Maybe that's the difference - I don't see that it has any greater meaning.
Give me a break.

Sorry that it makes you feel annoyed, but I really don't. If a little kid wants to try painting his nails, I don't think it "says" anything at all. It's just playing around and trying out a color. I don't think the average adult or little kid would read more into it than that.