No one reciprocates!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are frequent hosts. But it is not because we love to "entertain", whatever that really means, but because we enjoy spending time with friends. It does take two to tango...so we have noticed that over time we spend more time, deepen our relationships, with others who also value inviting us, either to their place or to whatever fun plan elsewhere.

To me, loving to entertain means that I love cooking, my husband loves mixing cocktails, and we enjoy spending time with friends (old and new) in an environment where everyone is comfortable. I like having the freedom to say the more the merrier, and I like the intimate conversations that you can have with even new people when you take away the outside distractions. Our place is small, but set up for entertaining, and it easily accessible for many, so we are free to have amazing conversations with a diverse set of people here.

I like doing the same elsewhere, but if people are nervous or anxious about entertaining, it dulls the experience.

[Anonymous]

It annoys me that my friends can get it together to host as long as it's for their kid's birthday, or for their own bridal/baby shower. But they can't seem to host when the guests aren't expected to bring gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me that my friends can get it together to host as long as it's for their kid's birthday, or for their own bridal/baby shower. But they can't seem to host when the guests aren't expected to bring gifts.

These are specific events that our society almost forces you to have at a particular time. That is much different, and I am sure many of those that are hosting them don't really want to. Most of the birthday parties that we go to now, by the way, are gift-free; we arrive completely empty-handed as is requested.

[Anonymous]

I love having people over and do it relatively often but even I might be intimidated by a bunch of boys engaging in boy behavior. We have one set of friends we only invite over every now and then and I stopped cleaning up ahead of time because their 3 kids are so destructive/messy it's just too overwhelming for me. I invite them over more in the summer when we can turn the kids loose outside.

And I feel very guilty, but I never invite our friends with 6 kids over. I should but....I have 1, I'm just not used to that much insanity and it stresses me out trying to make sure they are all fed, don't break anything important and aren't cornering a pet somewhere in the house while I'm cooking.

[Anonymous]

Maybe its not about you. We don't invite people over. We don't have the space and until recently and we are still working on it, our house just isn't up for entertaining. Its just not set up in a functional way to have several families over and barely have room for one other let alone a family with three kids.

[Anonymous]

I generally don't have parties at my house either, though I go to a lot of them. I host playdates at my house and I'll host bigger events at restaurants/bars. Partly it's because for 12 years, I lived farther out than most of my friends and I didn't want them to have to trek all the way out there and risk driving home drunk. It's also because my circle of friends is so large that I'd either have to cut the invite list and risk hurting feelings or have way too many people at my (not-large house.) It's also because I'm a single mom and parties require a lot of prep and it can be overwhelming to do that in addition to everything I have to do already. Plus I'm not used to cooking or food prep for crowds - I'm used to cooking for 1 or 2.

Now that I'm living close to my circle, I plan to start hosting more often, but I'll probably be pretty anxious about the first party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe its not about you. We don't invite people over. We don't have the space and until recently and we are still working on it, our house just isn't up for entertaining. Its just not set up in a functional way to have several families over and barely have room for one other let alone a family with three kids.

Fine. Could you organize a picnic or BBQ in the park, if you want to spend more time with those friends who have invited you over several times? As previous PP said, it takes two to tango.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but I can't STAND people like you who keep score and feel owed when it comes to social engagements. Stop inviting people over if it's become such a burden. People are busy.

My god.

[Anonymous]

I rarely host at our current place although I loved to host and throw parties and gatherings when I was single and lived in a cute apartment in Arlington. But, at our current place, the flow is WEIRD and awkward, it's a small townhouse, and people's standards for entertaining have gotten higher as we've gotten older and moved into our 30s so I feel pressure and get really anxious. Not to mention, but our cash flow is definitely less than it used to be (had to pay out-of-pocket for infertility and adoptions) and I work my fingers to the bone at my crap job to pay for these things, while my friends who are stay-at-home have fun creating these gorgeous hors-d'ourve (sp?) arrangements, etc. I can barely get myself and DD home at night, feed her dinner, adn get her to bed. And our weekends are filled with just catching up on the basics: laundry, buying food, yardwork, etc. By Sunday night, I am "caught up" just in time to go back to work on
Monday and let everything sadly fall apart again Mon-Fri, to start all over again cleaning and organizing the next weekened. This "life flow" is the biggest difference between stay-at-homes and WOHs, I feel. Weekends = catch-up time if you've been away from home all week. But when I was growing up (with a SAH mom), our weekends were much more relaxing and not consumed with all the cr@p like laundry, shopping, cleaning, b/c my mom could do that during the week while we were at school and my dad was at work. So, weekends were for more "value-added" projects (like painting or decorating, that my dad could help my mom with) or social things (going to the pool, my parents going out, etc.).

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree. I have been entertaining for 20 years. I definitely have dropped people from my invitation list (mostly family) because they are never willing to contribute in any way.

As for the 3 boys thing. I just recently had a party and 3 couples had 3 boys, 4 couples had 2 boys. I tend to only hang with parents of boys because they "get it". Once couple of 3 boys said - this is the first party we feel comfortable at with 3 boys. It helps that we have a bunch of 12 yos to watch after the 5-8 yos.

Find a few good friends that are like minded. We will also share sleepovers so we have a whole night where we don't have to pay a babysitter and visa-versa.

For those who don't feel comfortable entertaining - order pizza and get some salads from Bucca - everybody brings wine. Order chinese.

I have 1 friend who is divorced and not feeling the whole entertaining thing so she is always overcompensating with wine. Good friend to have.

I am not a counter but really 10 invites and none in return is hard to go unnoticed.

[Anonymous]

We host often and don't get many reciprocal invites. Our house is smaller but we have a pool, so that makes us popular. We love it- and the more we entertain, the easier it gets. Now I don't sweat it.

[Anonymous]

Heavy hosters: people may be relieved when you start dropping them from your invite lists. They may just be too busy trying to take care of the day-to-day stuff, that entertanining, or going to others' hosted events, is not a priority to them. They may be surprised that, every time they turn around, they seem to have a new invitation from you. They may just feel relieved when your invitations lessen. Just a thought. . .people have different priorities, different financial situations, different time commitments, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heavy hosters: people may be relieved when you start dropping them from your invite lists. They may just be too busy trying to take care of the day-to-day stuff, that entertanining, or going to others' hosted events, is not a priority to them. They may be surprised that, every time they turn around, they seem to have a new invitation from you. They may just feel relieved when your invitations lessen. Just a thought. . .people have different priorities, different financial situations, different time commitments, etc.

Uhhhhmmmm....Just because you get an invite does not mean you have to RSVP yes. You can say no. I don't think any of the hosts said they hold a gun to the head of the invitee until they yes. What a stupid argument.

I enjoy hosting, but I'm not hosting weekly events. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heavy hosters: people may be relieved when you start dropping them from your invite lists. They may just be too busy trying to take care of the day-to-day stuff, that entertanining, or going to others' hosted events, is not a priority to them. They may be surprised that, every time they turn around, they seem to have a new invitation from you. They may just feel relieved when your invitations lessen. Just a thought. . .people have different priorities, different financial situations, different time commitments, etc.

You can say no. But, just because I entertain a lot doesn't mean I invite the same people over often. Most people don't get an invite but once a year, a few get one every few months, one family gets an invite every month or so when our schedules gel (but we are very close, we all wish it were more, and they have no problem saying that it is easier to go elsewhere - we only go to their place about once every year or two by the way because that is easiest for everyone), and there are a couple single friends that I try to make sure to invite over week or two or they start feeling left out (my closest single friend comes at least every other week, but I have only been to her house, which is huge and four blocks away, three times in 9 years, and once I was hosting a party for her there). And, one of the reasons that I host is to equalize so that financial situations aren't as relevant; the income/wealth swing of my guests, even at the same party sometimes, is massive.