No one reciprocates!

[Anonymous]

OP - if you are still reading responses to your thread - I am one of the families that rarely reciprocates. I LOVE to have people over, as long as it is guaranteed to remain outside because my house is so damn small. I can barely have four adults at the dinner table and the kids need to eat in a separate room, etc. I am just very sensitive to the size of my house, etc.

I did not read the other responses so this may be redundant, but host a potluck. And then pointedly ask people to help you clean up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - if you are still reading responses to your thread - I am one of the families that rarely reciprocates. I LOVE to have people over, as long as it is guaranteed to remain outside because my house is so damn small. I can barely have four adults at the dinner table and the kids need to eat in a separate room, etc. I am just very sensitive to the size of my house, etc.

I did not read the other responses so this may be redundant, but host a potluck. And then pointedly ask people to help you clean up.[/quote]

This is rude and tacky. You don't invite people over and then "pointedly" ask them to clean up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but I can't STAND people like you who keep score and feel owed when it comes to social engagements. Stop inviting people over if it's become such a burden. People are busy.

Sorry, social obligation is not a tit for tat, but DON"T except if you don't plan to reciprocate. (Not OP) but I have an acquaintance who accepts dozens of invites and never extends an invite. JUST Don't accept if you don't want to reciprocate. That is the best way to go.

Uh...no...don't invite if you feel dissed because I don't reciprocate. A lot of folks gave very good reasons for not reciprocating. The burden's not on me to decline the invite because I don't have an issue with the way things currently are. the burden's on you to stop inviting if you have a problem with me.

[Anonymous]

PP, I agree. I just don't invite people if they haven't made a move to get together and they've been over to my house three or more times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have give up on most of our family's friends. I have had so many cook-outs and get-togethers and play-dates over the years and only one family reciprocates. It is so frustrating and sad. I have three active boys. I have a big fenced in yard that is perfect for having families over, so I do invite folks over. They come, they seem to have a great time, and then, they don't ever ask us over. I have given up. I'm talking about old friends and new friends. I realize my boys are a handful, but these families also have active children and yet, I invite them over. It is a lot of work - esp. having cook outs, so the last couple of years, I haven't bothered with our annual cook out or annual Halloween party. It is very disheartening. It hurts my feelings. And it is hard to keep up friendships if you never get together. Does anyone else have the same problem? It has really gotten worse since we had children. Everyone seems to busy to host, yet they are not too busy to accept our invitations.

I am guilty of it. It's hard to look ahead and plan, but recently I have had a few good friends invite us on some on some impromptu events at their houses and it was really fun. It reminded me that you do not need perfection to have fun.

[Anonymous]

I want to do more hosting, have not done that much. But, I have a small house (sit 4 comfortably, 6 cramped, at table), and am vegetarian, so I cook vegetarian foods only in my home. (I have no problem that others eat meat, but I personally do not want to prepare it.)

Between making foods kid friendly, and vegetarian, and something a range of people will eat, I am not sure what would be good to serve as food. Any suggestions? I feel like pasta is too simple, but then making an interesting dish may be to exotic for some.

Do you consult with people on what they like to eat when you are having them over for dinner? Hard to figure out how much to ask about, versus just serve stuff and hope they like at least some of it.

[Anonymous]

Pasta is fine! Just ask about allergies.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Maybe people are just too busy to socialize. I understand this, but it seems like we are getting together with friends less and less. I would like to keep up the friendships, but it is hard when I do all the inviting. And then, rather than friends, these are just people I run into now and again at the store or kids' activities. We used to have a nice group of families who would all socialize. It seems like people just don't bother anymore. I am not overly social, but if you never get together, you aren't really friends anymore.

[Anonymous]

I'm reading this thread out of frustration with some friends of ours who pull this crap.
Our kids play great together, but when we have them over, they typically decide it's time for them to sit, look at their phones, and let their 3 year old destroy our house. They also have gotten so used to coming over, they invite themselves. They'll say "oh, lets get the kids together" but then come dinnertime, they're clearly not inclined to leave and we feed them and their kid.
My wife and I LOVE having people over. We also do it because we want to make the effort to stay close to our friends. But you know what? Sometimes it's nice to be invited someplace.
If you are constantly going over to your friends houses for gatherings (and you really do consider them friends) but you never reciprocate in some way, you are a lazy sot. Period. You can make excuses all you want.
Entertaining is expensive and a lot of work. Get off yer arses and return the invite occasionally or don't accept. To do otherwise just makes you a mooch.

[Anonymous]

All our friends have huge 3,000 sqf.+ homes. Our measly little 1700 sqft. house (that I love) is just too cramped, and I feel embarrassed about the way it looks. My DH has severe ADD and can't start a new home project, and I have learned to live with it. So I don't like to have people over. I know my friends don't judge my home, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable when they are here.

[Anonymous]

I do invite people over for return playdates when they invite my child and I someplace, but if they are so busy that we go back and forth on potential dates more than three or four times, I get discouraged and let it drop.

[Anonymous]

I just came upon this comment now but still wanted to reply. What OP is trying to say is that she is the only one making an effort in these relationships. If it wasn't for her efforts, there would not be a relationship. If she's the only one making any effort, then the others are just users. I understand that people's lives are busy and they may have their reasons for not reciprocating but if you can't put even the smallest amount of effort into the friendship then you shouldn't accept the invite. It doesn't have to be inviting that person back to your house, you can invite that person out to lunch or a playplace with the kids. It doesn't have to be tit for tat but it's not right that one person makes all of the effort. It is insulting and hurtful. I have this happen to me all of the time and it makes me feel that these people are only tagging along because they have nothing better to do that day. They should be better examples to their kids on how to treat people.

[Anonymous]

I don't host because we live in a small four level townhouse with no outdoor space. Sounds crappy, right? Also, I am a super anxious person so I get into a tizzy every time we do host and end up bedridden for four days from scrubbing the bathrooms with toothbrushes (slight exaggeration).

I do, however, try to think of playdates and offer to bring or buy dinner when we are invited repeatedly to someone else's house? I am also willing to have a few kids over for pizza and movie night. It's just not possible to do a big cook out or fancy dinner at my house.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally get you. If people do not reciprocate, then drop them. They are not worth you time, your friendship or the money you spend hosting them. And if they are too 'anxious' to have you or anyone over at their house, then that is their problem to deal with and they should really get some help to get over this issue. These are not folks you really want to hang around with. Start weeding out your circle of aquaintances (that is really all they are) and you will start feeling a lot better. In time, you will find more like-minded people who do not just take, but also give. Ignore the rest. You sound like a nice person BTW.

[Anonymous]

Funny OP, the people who do not reciprocate are also the ones who don't know when to leave! It becomes a problem after the umteenth time. I hear you. Time to move on.