S/O- Anyone married more than 7 years & happy?
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Anonymous
Not the PP you're quoting, but my husband and I have a very similar relationship.. Except, we do have one child. So no, I don't think that you lose your whole world because you still have a family, but I do know, that when he dies, a large part of my heart will be missing. It sounds morbid (it's really not) but we have those "cute" little arguments occasionally about which one of us is going to die first, many many years from now of course.. Of course this is all jokingly. In all actuality, I imagine that we'll be one of those couples that goes one shortly after the other. But, think about it, we married when we were 20, got together at 18, and knew each other for about 8-9 years prior to that. We have been together for our whole adult lives, and known each other long before that. So one of us losing the other will be devastating, and there's no getting around that. |
Anonymous
| Married 15 years. Yeah actually we are happily married. The key is to live and let live. Give each other a lot of space. |
Anonymous
This is so honest and so true to life. So happy for you! |
Anonymous
| Yes and find new reasons to love him every day. |
Anonymous
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It is so nice to read of others' happy marriages.
I will throw add our marriage as well. We have been married almost 7 years but together 12 years. And like 18:27, I find new reasons to love him every day. f |
Anonymous
| Still a baby marriage compared to some here (7.5 years), but definitely very happy. We got married at 28 and 30 and waited 5 years to have our first kid, which I think helped us feel more established as a couple first. Both of us have easygoing personalities and we both work, earning similar incomes so there's not a big disparity in income to potentially cause problems. Both came into the marriage with relatively little and what we have, we built up together. Also, I know this is different for each couple, but we don't have separate accounts. I feel like I could face anything with him next to me, cheesy as that may be. |
Anonymous
Actually, since my husband is military, I have faced mortality more realistically than most. While he was deployed, I accidentally received his "last letter home" when it was mistakenly put in the mail, so I saw what would have been his last words to me. He spoke of suffering, faith, sanctification, and redemption. He asked my forgiveness and understanding, and reminded me that we don't get to choose our crosses. He asked me to love him by loving our children, and to seek the graces I would need to live until we met again. If I lost him, I would lose my whole world, because we became "one flesh" a long time ago. But if that were my cross, I would pick it up. I've been thinking of what little things we have learned along the way, and they are not too hard, though sometimes it seems like few couples do them nowadays: --We are polite to each other, with common courtesies, compliments, gratitude, small favors. Never insults. --We are very affectionate physically. All the time. Every day. I won't get too explicit, but you can use your imagination. Generous lovers to one another... --forgiveness, patience --We truly seek "the good" for one another. We help each other to increase virtues and conquer vices. --prayer, confession, spiritual direction We've come a long way. I would never, ever want to be 20 year old newlyweds again, even if I could get that body back. I love who we are to each other now. |
Anonymous
| I am happily married. I have some advice - have separate "jurisdictions." That is, he handles the outdoors and fixing the cars, you handle the meals and food shopping and laundry or vice versa. I think couples start to argue when there is a lot of overlap about responsibilities. |
Anonymous
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We'll be married 10 years shortly (got married July of 2002).
We met when I was 23 and he was turning 26. We spent the first two years of our relationship dating long distance as he was in Boston in grad school (summer in between was spent in DC together). We got married when I was 26 and he was 29. Our first child was born in late 2004 and our second 18 months later in 2006. 2006-2007 was our roughest year. I had just started my own company a month after giving birth and DH had started a new job with a good deal of travel. We were both just so tired. We got through it with lots of date nights (tried for once a week), tag-team parenting, having each others back's, and wine. Spring/summer of 2011 was also rough, but in a different way. My Mom was dying (she died last July) and I was a mess. My husband was also close to her (we all liked to joke that she loved him more than me and my brother...) and it was tough on him as well. I could not stay there during her last 12 hours or so because it was just too hard on me (plus she told me to go home to my kids- she couldn't speak really but she was able to get those thoughts across because she hated that they were with a sitter a few hours away) so I came home and he stayed on to be with her and my Dad. He also helped my Dad make all the arrangements and was a rock for him and for me. I could go on- I know I am so fortunate in this way. The most important things in marriage (I think) are: * Mutual respect * Strong communication***** * Similar ideas about child care, rearing, etc. * Being able to laugh at yourself, with, and at each other. * Giving your spouse space. Girls nights, guys nights, etc. * Giving your spouse the freedom and flexibility to pursue interests (running, sports, arts, etc. whatever it may be). * I do think opposites attract * Having a healthy sex life (Seriously! I am turning 50 shades of red as I type this, but it's true). * Being kind to one another * Taking the time to write thoughtful notes in cards and to give each other thoughtful gifts (NOT expensive, just thoughtful). * Taking time for each other. Date night's (we even consider splurging on filet and a nice bottle of wine at home and eating after the kid's are in bed a date night). * Try to get along with your in-laws and siblings-in-law. It's hard... really hard sometimes, but you have to try. * Have fun with each other. |
Anonymous
| 18 years together. Going on 15 years married. Happy. Not always perfect, but we really are best friends. I think the key for us is that we don't consider an alternative. We got married knowing it is forever. |
Anonymous
| No cheating helps. |
Anonymous
| 14 years and happy. I remember 7 as hard, I think in part because of small kids and little sleep. We have had rough patches and counseling helped. Very glad I stuck with him--he is a great husband and father. |
Anonymous
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coming up on 8 years. Definitely happy. Together 12 years.
We have a lot in common. We support each other through the bad patches (e.g., unemployment, illness, sleep deprivation, pursuit of important values) and are each other's best friends. Does he drive me insane sometimes? Yes. But rarely. Feel fortunate. |
Anonymous
| 13 years-- we were married 6 months after meeting. I was 26 and he was 28. Within 5 years we had 4 children. Haven't looked back. I have to say I think we are different than a lot of the PPs. We don't do date night very often and I don't thin "we" have had rough patches. Now there have been a lot of outside forces such as death of parents, job loss, child with special needs. All of these have come and the one thing I know I can count on is him. He picks me up when I fall down. I love that about him. He still annoys the shit out of me sometimes and we probably should have sex more often but at the end of the day we just like being with each other and our kids. Not perfect but pretty close to perfection. |
Anonymous
| 7 years? An eye blink. Our "secret" is lots of personal space. I don't make him watch my t.v. shows and he doesn't make me go to band practice. I don't make him go on all my family visits and vice versa. He separates the laundry for me and I water the garden for him. Arguments usually arise from being tired. Working on projects together brings us closest (also sex of course). "dates" feel forced. We'd rather be with the kids than dine out. An ideal "date" for us is getting childcare so we can work on a house project. |